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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is it me?

43 replies

fluffball888 · 18/04/2021 14:52

I really cant believe I am writing this. It sounds so absurd. My online shopping arrived and there were toilet rolls which I hadn't ordered-the delivery man left them by mistake. My husband said why did you order these we don't need them, I said the man left them by mistake and he went bananas and said I was a liar, and really shouted and screamed. I tried to show him the receipt but he pushed it away and said you will have changed that because you are dishonest. He has not spoken for the last 7 days since this incident. Is he going mad or am I I feel I cant take this any longer. He always has done what ever he wanted and I have gone along for a quiet life, but this is too much. I have had enough. Has anyone else experienced things like this?

OP posts:
BigButtons · 18/04/2021 14:54

My god- why are you with this abusive man? Do you seriously need to ask whether it’s you?

Happycat1212 · 18/04/2021 15:03

Erm yeh that’s not normal and you know it

Sn0tnose · 18/04/2021 15:07

You know it’s not you. I hope it’s the thing that gives you the strength to leave.

duodunical · 18/04/2021 15:11

No OP, I've never experienced anything like that, not likely to either.

Captnip500 · 18/04/2021 15:16

This is abusive behaviour and must be taking a toll on your well-being whether you realise it or not. He is completely unreasonable. Please start making plans to leave, you won’t regret it in the long run.

BlueDahlia69 · 18/04/2021 15:29

this is horribly abusive in so many ways OP 🌸

imissthe90s · 18/04/2021 15:31

Leave. Leave today!

He is more than abusive op, he's sucking your soul out of you into nothingness.

m0therofdragons · 18/04/2021 15:41

I regularly order mad things in my shop when I’m tired. I put stuff in the basket then find a better alternative and forget to remove the original item. Mostly cake/chocolate/gin. My Dh finds it hilarious. Especially when during covid I was having to book delivery slots 3 weeks ahead - that’s not how I usually work so I was regularly surprised by my order. Occasionally Dh might ask if I meant to order x,y or z but then he’d comment he can tell how tired I am by the food that arrives and gives me a hug. I can’t imagine so much anger over loo roll. I mean surely you’ll use it eventually?

Aquamarine1029 · 18/04/2021 15:43

You should have called a solicitor already, I can't imagine what you're waiting for. Your husband is an unhinged, abusive maniac.

PriestessofPing · 18/04/2021 15:47

You seem to be implying that he actually said you could change the receipt? Is that what he meant because that’s unhinged. Confused

Windmillwhirl · 18/04/2021 16:00

He is abusive and it appears looking for any excuse to have acrant at you. He was not gojnv to accept He was wrong so refused to see the evidence (receipt).

Not talking to you for 7 days over toilet roll is up there as one of the most ridiculous over the top reactions I have ever read on here.

I hope you leave him

Original poster
fluffball888 · 18/04/2021 16:02

I think it has been going on for so long that I begin to question if it is me at fault as he tells me constantly it is.

OP posts:
Original poster
fluffball888 · 18/04/2021 16:05

Thank you whirlwind, I agree with you completely. It really is absurd but also so dreadful that anyone could behave like that. I am so fed up. In between he is ok but these outbursts occur over nothing and then he is petulant and not speaking like a child, could be for weeks I really feel I cant take anymore.

OP posts:
Lipz · 18/04/2021 16:05

Eh nope, that's not normal. Absolutely nothing about what he said or did is normal.

Original poster
fluffball888 · 18/04/2021 16:06

Thank you to everyone who posted. I feel I have lost myself over the years as no one normal would accept this but I have for years , but now I have had enough . I cant take it.

OP posts:
Stepawayfromdrgoogle · 18/04/2021 16:07

@fluffball888 Most definitely not you. Have a read of why does he do that? by Lundy Bancroft. You’ll possibly recognise more abusive situations/behaviour than the toilet paper incident. Sending hugs 🤗 and 💐

Windmillwhirl · 18/04/2021 16:12

This is not reasonable behaviour on his part, subjecting you to the silent treatment for a week over a few extra bog rolls.

You really need to think about your future with this twerp. We only get one life, it's too precious to waste.

BigButtons · 18/04/2021 16:28

@fluffball888 would it help to talk about the other things he is doing/ has done to you?

SheldonesqueHasGotTheWeevils · 18/04/2021 16:30

You do not have to absorb his arseholery.

You know this isn’t right.

Time to fly. And take the toilet roll with you.

Bananalanacake · 18/04/2021 16:32

Was going to ask if this is a one off but you say it's been going on for years. Do you have DC together, who owns the house.

user1636853246842157 · 18/04/2021 16:36

What are you going to do about leaving him?

Original poster
fluffball888 · 18/04/2021 16:40

Hi big buttons,
He has always been very controlling and if I want to speak he flies off into a rage and it has always been like this. He stopped hitting me when I had a heart attack due to the stress but since then his verbal abuse has become worse. It was my house but when we married it became half and half. I have no where to go. I have no close family. I don't know what to do but I cant go on like this any more. There is no going back, something inside has died and I will not accept this any longer. I have lost my soul and heart in this .

OP posts:
Original poster
fluffball888 · 18/04/2021 16:46

SheldonesqueHasGotTheWeevils , ha, your post made me laugh! I know you are right in everything you say. I don't know what to do, or how to leave.. I will have to find out where to begin.

OP posts:
BigButtons · 18/04/2021 16:46

@fluffball888 keep talking as much as you need. many many of us here have been through similar.You are not alone., sadly.
It is very good that you have come to the end now, only you could have done that.
So if the house is owned jointly you will have half yes?
I don't know the legal ins and outs of forcing a sale ( my situation was different).
How do think he will react if you tell him it is over?
I also left with nothing, it is possible.
Do you feel able to contact a solicitor?

Queenie6655 · 18/04/2021 16:50

Get him out

Can you quietly get yourself to the police and get them to remove him

Awful man
He is vile

You must not take this

I also felt like I was having a heart attack after one fight with my bast--- ex it was awful
Will never forget the fear

Please don't put your life at risk like this

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