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Original poster

How to find out it DH is cheating

39 replies

Cinderella25 · 18/04/2021 06:57

We have been together for 10 years lately he has changed all the passwords on his phone. I have found some messages to a ‘Dave’ not his real name.

What should I do? Track his car?

He is good with technology and can cover his tracks.

OP posts:
spookycookies · 18/04/2021 06:58

If you're considering tracking his car Your relationship is over. Leave with dignity.

bonfireheart · 18/04/2021 06:59

Same as @spookycookies.

sunnyblackwidow · 18/04/2021 07:01

You need to get into his phone, can you check emails and examine bank statements?
Trust your gut OP.
Also, don't let him know you're suspicious until you have gathered all your evidence (don't show your hand too soon)

Greenbks · 18/04/2021 07:10

Ask him?

MaMaD1990 · 18/04/2021 07:14

Good grief. Please don't track his car or start snooping about. Ask him, and if you still don't trust him, decide to part ways. No good ever comes to a relationship by going all MI5. You'll get many posters encouraging you, but it's enjoyment for them with zero consequences - it's your real life, don't be sucked in.

DianaT1969 · 18/04/2021 07:17

Erm what now? Is that even legal? Imagine of he isn't cheating and finds out. Would the relationship be good going forward?
You generally know when someone is off. What does your gut say? How is your relationship? Do you feel loved, happy and secure with him? Are you still intimate and enjoying time together? If not, you don't need to 'catch' him cheating to decide you want more.

category12 · 18/04/2021 07:25

If you don't trust him to the extent you want to track him, then your relationship is already over. So quit stalling and end it.

MajesticWhine · 18/04/2021 07:27

How did you find the messages?
I wouldn't do anything like tracking his car. Just stay observant. It's reasonable to ask him why he's changed his password though.

TheWaif · 18/04/2021 07:29

What did the messages say?

Geppili · 18/04/2021 07:33

I would track his car definitely.

GelfBride · 18/04/2021 07:52

How much effort you put in depends on how much you want to stay married and how much you need to know for either your own emotional reasons or if you need to prove infidelity for the divorce.

Treacletoots · 18/04/2021 07:59

I will say, that firstly, I agree with the posts above in that if you suspect something is off, then it probably is. And you don't need proof to walk away.

But in reality, it's not that simple and we often feel we need proof to resolve with making such a big decision.

Personally I'd look to buy a GPS tracker, the ones you buy for dogs and pop it in his car, if you really wanted to know. They're about £10..

RachelRavenRoth · 18/04/2021 08:03

Do the people who respond with ask him on threads where the man is suddenly hiding things and often also lying, actually think the man will respond with ‘oh yes I am having an affair. I should have mentioned it sooner...’

But in reality, it's not that simple and we often feel we need proof to resolve with making such a big decision. This.

RachelRavenRoth · 18/04/2021 08:04

There are gps trackers for dogs?!?!

Original poster
Cinderella25 · 18/04/2021 08:12

I asked him about it and he said they are wrong numbers.

Some are on his work phone and some on his normal phone. Both to ‘Dave’.

He was always been distant and never really wanted to sleep with me so his behaviour hasn’t changed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cinderella25 · 18/04/2021 08:16

One said hello Dave I can meet tonight it you pick me up

Another said hello mr Dave it this you?

Different numbers

OP posts:
TheJackieWeaver · 18/04/2021 08:18

“He has always been distant and never really wanted to sleep with me so his behaviour hasn’t changed”

Oh love. Is it the cheating specifically, or do you want to separate anyway?

FWIW, I spent years looking for ‘proof’ my stbxh was cheating. Whatever proof I found was never ‘enough’. I (or he) could always blur it. Eventually, I realised that the fact i didn’t trust him was the ‘enough’ I was looking for and asked him to leave. Honestly, I’m happier now than i ever have been.

MajesticWhine · 18/04/2021 08:20

Regardless of any messages or cheating, if he is distant and doesn't sleep with you, this doesn't sound like a very beneficial relationship. I understand people needing proof before making a big decision I really do. But if you don't get that proof do you really still want to stay like this?

bonfireheart · 18/04/2021 08:23

10 years with a man who won't sleep with you?

I'm now thinking Dave is a man and your DH is gay.

minnimiss · 18/04/2021 08:23

Those messages sound very odd can you call the numbers or messages them back and see who they are? I agree though that if there is no trust then there is no relationship.

Dery · 18/04/2021 08:27

Dear OP - why have you spent 10 years with someone who’s distant and doesn’t really want to sleep with you? Doesn’t sound like a happy relationship for you.

Babdoc · 18/04/2021 08:33

OP, if you and your partner don’t have a sexual relationship, then it’s not a marriage, it’s a house share.
What do you actually get out of this relationship? What needs of yours are being met? Are you happy to settle for this lack of intimacy and affection, regardless of whether DH is cheating?
I think it’s high time you and he had a chat about the “state of the union”. And decide whether the time has come to say goodbye.

Original poster
Cinderella25 · 18/04/2021 08:33

I have no money and the house is in his name!

OP posts:
litterbird · 18/04/2021 08:36

Have read your previous posts and posts you have put on other peoples postings. You have been struggling with this relationship for some time haven't you? You sadly dont have any close friends either to talk to. Can you look at broadening your circle of friends now and get out a bit more? You are still young enough to make a go of your life and be happy without this man who is so cut off for you emotionally and physically. Can you reach out and join clubs? What about the other mothers at school, can you join them for coffees or anything? GPS tracking and seeing what he does on his phone wont cure anything for you. You need to get some strength behind you and get your ducks in a row and think about leaving and finding a new life. You have suffered enough from this man, its been years. Time to start afresh.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 18/04/2021 08:36

You're long term married. The house isn't his!