I boss my husband about. :(

[Misssweetheart]

Im the worst wife ever... sitting here in tears because i finally see how other people view my relationship.
My husband is thin as a rake and a lovely man. David tennant but skinnier lol! I love him soo much. And he worships the ground i walk on. Literally will do ANYTHING i ask. He does the washing up, laundry, hoovering...etc. and doesnt mind.

Im currently pregnant with my 2nd and have always suffered back problems. And im overweight despite eating the same as him...so he often has to do things i cant do; quickly run upstairs to grab something, reach things on high shelves, cook dinner because of my morning sickness...

Im just sick and tired of having to ask him to do stuff and THERES ALWAYS a reason/excuse on my part.
Im embarrassed.
Sadly... the more my husband has appeased me the bigger or lazier ive gotten...
I try to be more proactive but i genuinely am in pain....

Im the worst.

Change then.

Let’s be fair, pregnancy is a genuine ‘excuse’ for many of us. I was deathly ill during my first and now-exh had to do just about everything. I wasn’t lazy, I was sick. So don’t go beating yourself up while you’re carrying a baby.

So actually, you are busy growing another human. You are probably swimming in a soup of hormones as well.

Looking after yourself, trying to get fitter and stronger, will help you, your husband and your D.C. As he'll do anything for you, how about writing a plan for yourself and asking him to help you follow it?

You won't be pregnant forever, cut yourself some slack. In the meantime could you do some work around like trying to leave the things you need in easy reach as much as possible?

You can't eat the same as him, you have to eat less, shit as it is.

If you can't run up the stairs how overweight are you?

Is this only since you’ve been pregant and genuinely to do with being too ill to do it yourself?

And im overweight despite eating the same as him

Generally women don't need as many calories as men and have different metabolisms, so you're probably over-eating if you have the same sized portions as he does.

But if you're in pain and pregnant, it's entirely reasonable to ask your dh to help you with things! As long as you're not acting like his sergeant major, I'm sure he won't mind.

you are busy growing another human

The words I hear from my DP every single day.
Like you, I also suffer from back problems. They were manageable until 3 days before Christmas when a few discs slipped wrapping presents and I was out the game. I didn't see my downstairs (or any room except bedroom and bathroom) for 11 weeks. I was awake and out my safe on meds or sleeping.
I had a miscarriage in November so I'd already been in bed for weeks sore or sad when this happened. I became solely dependent on him. I'm not being dramatic when I say nothing was done unless by him. I'm talking no housework or shopping whatsoever. I couldn't get my own prescriptions or do anything for myself and I became quite depressed I was leaning on him for everything and he was still so kind. I'd have done it for him of course but can't say I'd have been as nice about it.
Anyway, fast forward a few months and we're expecting come October. Now, he is doing a lot but for different reasons. I'm making myself do more out of pride but he is helping because I'm his baby's mum. He loves me unconditionally and I've noticed he looks at me differently. Eyes a bit more sparkled. When he's telling me to sit down and let him do things, it's because he wants to do these things.
However, I have never taken advantage of his help whatever it may be. I do everything I possibly can. I don't want to rely on him but sometimes I have to. He knows what I can do and what I am being lazy about doing and I make sure they're not muddled up when I ask for help.
He will not resent you as long as you support him every way possible, do what you can for yourself (unless he insists) and don't ever take him for granted. If he's like my DP then he's a godsend

Congratulations with your pregnancy @Misssweetheart xx

Your clearly not the worst wife ever if your husband loves you

If I ate what a man eats I would have a weight problem, too ~

Simple, eat less than him. He needs more calories as a man and is most likely taller

I'm confused as to why you finally see how other people view my relationship.

Or the bit that says you boss your DH about?

Has someone said something? Or have pregnancy hormones suddenly made you decide you are fat and lazy and everyone hates you?

There doesn't really seem to be an issue.

@Misssweetheart has something happened, has someone said something?

You're pregnant - how far along? My God I was exhausted all the first pregnancy and most of the second. The second I was huge with twins so even though i think I was less tired. I was less able. DH was Def expected to pick up the slack with the housework and our eldest. Only one of is was growing humans.

Talk to your DH and see if he feels oppressed.

Eat healthily for baby and yours sake, then give yourself time to recover and then set a plan. Get yourself weighed a d decide from there. But this isn't the time to start anything radical.

Big

Omg some of these comments!

OP cut yourself some slack, you're pregnant! Worry about the weight once baby has safely arrived. Pregnancy is hard.

If I ate the same portions as my husband I would be obese. Not even a question about it.

Start eating better and more appropriate portion sizes now. Lots of people get healthy in pregnancy for the baby. Ask to see the dietician.

And be kind to your husband.

When you say 'You finally see how your relationship looks to others', has something specific happened/been said or are you just suddenly worrying about how this appears? Does your husband say/suggest you are bossing him around?

If not and you are worried, have you spoken to him honestly about this, said you worry you are ordering him around?

It's all a matter of perspective really... lately I was getting annoyed that DH always seemed to be asking me or the kids to get things for him from around the house and then I felt really irked and we talked about and he said he usually only asks if someone is in a part of the house where they'll be nearer said thing than him, eg if someone is in the kitchen he might ask someone to pour him a glass of coke and bring it, but not otherwise. I also realised I could ask him and the kids to do more for me, rather than fuming about him doing all the asking! So do talk about these things, you may find a way to a better balance.

You see how others see your relationship. What others? Who has commented on this to you?

You don't sound that bad to me, just you've got some bad habits while pregnant. You can change in the future... chill.

Have you always been ‘lazy?’ Or just since this pregnancy....?

It sounds like you have antenatal depression.

Have you spoken to your DH to see what he thinks about all this? He might love helping you. Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

And re antenatal depression, do try and get help. I didn't and it was soon full blown postnatal depression. Talk therapy helped me in a group for mothers and with a therapist.

Are you my sister?

@Alonelonelylonersbadidea

Are you my sister?

If she is I hope you're more empathetic to your sister when she's clearly struggling

The worst wife ever wouldn't worry about her husbands feelings.
You are pregnant so cut yourself some slack.
You've mentioned you've seen yourself get worse over time...
once your little one is here you'll have no choice but to help more.
Tell him how much you appreciate his help everyday. Trust me the thank you won't go un-noticed.
Congratulations on your pregnancy