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Original poster

A younger guy at work - would appreciate your thoughts!

60 replies

Cupcake00 · 16/04/2021 19:19

I have been in my current role almost 2 years. There is a guy within our team who has always been friendly and we have always got along. We clicked straight away. We all do as a team. He is a bit of a joker, keeps spirits high, a bit of a cheeky chappy really. A couple of the staff have commented how he likes to do anything he can to help me. I have definitely noticed he is slightly flirtatious but that was about all. I never gave it a 2nd thought as he is alot younger with a girlfriend.
Fast forward - he is no longer with his girlfriend (split last October). He is still his still the same character, however, he has asked me out on a date. I brushed it off as a bit of a joke bringing up the age difference (13 years). However, we started to chat outside of work and he is lovely. I started to forget about his age. Nothing has happened. We have gone on a few walks with our dogs.
He just keeps telling me that he doesn't see anything wrong with the age difference. However, wants me to feel comfortable. I have mentioned I'm concerned as I dont want to spoil our working relationship. He understands and again doesn't want me to feel uncomfortable. However, I enjoy his company. He's kind, I don't feel pressured.
Nobody knows we have been in contact outside of work. However, someone has approached me, telling me I have an admirer and said I should be aware and commented on his age. I felt embarrassed and brushed it off.
I have mentioned it to him. He has said he would like to continue chatting meeting but only if I'm comfortable. He isn't concerned about what people think.
I don't know if I'm doing the right thing.
He's so much younger.
We work together.
The comment today, I feel that I would be judged.
Am I not thinking clearly because I have enjoyed his company/attention. I have dated previous and know how difficult it is to find someone you click with.
He wants to go for a picnic next weekend. I want to but feel a little worried.
Can this even work anyway. I'm not sure if we are on the same path.
Anyone got any thoughts on this, would appreciate it.

OP posts:
Sunnyday321 · 16/04/2021 22:26

17 & 30 no. 30 & 43 ok. If you get on well and it does not impact your work then just enjoy yourselves and see where it goes .

peak2021 · 16/04/2021 22:27

I'd be more concerned that you work together than anything.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 16/04/2021 22:35

Sounds like fun tbh! How much do you like your job? Just thinking as it would be a shame to ruin that (assuming you do like it) if it were to all go wrong.

RulesDontApply2Me · 17/04/2021 07:12

The age gap isn’t an issue. Not now anyway. When your late 50’s, he might hit a mid life crisis, but most men have one.
You may have different goals in life in a decades time.
For now, I’d let it flourish into something enjoyable.

Dozer · 17/04/2021 07:17

Sounds like he’s been indiscrete and that you’ve already decided to date him, by meeting up outside work etc.

What’d your plan be work wise in the (probable) event of breaking up?

If you like your job, intend to stay in it and wouldn’t be OK with seeing him at work post break up, wouldn’t date him.

RLRapunzel · 17/04/2021 07:22

My partner and I have a 14 year age gap and we met at work. We've been together for 6 years and have two children together. My mother met her husband at work also and they've been together 10 years. I know lots of people who met their partners at work; I had no idea it was taboo tbh!

Nobody has ever commented on the age gap with my partner, I wonder if thats because he's the older one and not me? Hmmm

TheFourOhFour · 17/04/2021 07:26

So you’ve turned him down more than once already — or at least not sounded enthusiastic — and Cheeky Chappy isn’t taking no for an answer, AND is being indiscreet with other colleagues?

You’d be mad if you value your job and want to stay in our current role.

Palavah · 17/04/2021 07:30

Don't get your honey where you get your money.

filka · 17/04/2021 07:31

If you started this and it all went to pot in a bad way, would you be prepared/able to leave your job? Or, if you are in the senior position, force him to leave his?

customwatkins · 17/04/2021 07:37

There is a lot of cynicism on here, a lot of people on the relationship board have been hurt & betrayed are can be quite anti relationships and anti men.

The romantic in me thinks...go for it, you only live once.

The cynic in me thinks this doesn't sound like a long term relationship and it's probably you who'll get hurt in the end.

However, if you go in with your eyes wide open and take it slow then then what's the harm. For the record, if I was your friend of colleague, I wouldn't judge I'd just be happy for you (as long as it didn't affect the team)

Imnothereforthedrama · 17/04/2021 07:41

How would you feel if he met someone else ?
I say go for it op .

TheFourOhFour · 17/04/2021 07:43

@customwatkins

There is a lot of cynicism on here, a lot of people on the relationship board have been hurt & betrayed are can be quite anti relationships and anti men.

The romantic in me thinks...go for it, you only live once.

The cynic in me thinks this doesn't sound like a long term relationship and it's probably you who'll get hurt in the end.

However, if you go in with your eyes wide open and take it slow then then what's the harm. For the record, if I was your friend of colleague, I wouldn't judge I'd just be happy for you (as long as it didn't affect the team)

I don’t think it’s cynicism in this case. Only that a job the OP clearly values is more important than a relationship with an already indiscreet colleague.
HedgleyTheHedgehog · 17/04/2021 07:44

For me the fact that it may not work out and then make the work atmosphere awkward is what would concern me

Mundayblues · 17/04/2021 07:53

I don’t understand the big deal about working together. Other than online dating that is how most people meet. If you’re enjoying his company why would you stop?

MrsPolski · 17/04/2021 08:14

I am writing a thread about my guy from the office today haha but ling story short: the same week we slept together, he quit and switched jobs. It showed me that he was serious.

TheHoneyBadger · 17/04/2021 08:15

The age difference would be an issue if he didn't have children but that's done already.

Are you actually attracted to him though?

I may be a bit lacking in self restraint but I think if I was genuinely attracted to someone and we'd been hanging out we'd have at least kissed by now.

The work thing depends - if you are both very laid back people and there's no sense of drama (though that can be very hard to predict) it should be ok, if either of you have a tendency for dramatic, intense relationships and ups and downs then it could be problematic.

Anonanonon · 17/04/2021 10:08

Do you know why he split with his kids’ mother?

“Cheeky Chappy” can, unfortunately, also translate into “player” so I’d check if there was infidelity on his part if possible.

Gothichouse40 · 17/04/2021 10:21

Hmm, great when it's great but hellish when it all goes wrong. I worked beside a couple and when the relationship was not going well, everybody suffered as their was an awful atmosphere. Eventually, they split.

Sandra15 · 17/04/2021 10:42

@IWantYoutoKnow

Cheeky Chappy.... oh please
That is the biggest red flag for me, I absolutely avoid them like the plague. I want normality.
CoconutMaracas · 17/04/2021 10:50

I dated someone in the same team and was awful when we split and I had to listen to people asking him about his new gf! Was very painful and awkward having to work together.

Original poster
Cupcake00 · 17/04/2021 13:19

Thanks all!
I guess what we each define as a cheeky chappy. Not for everyone but I like his character. He makes everyone laugh. He's positive and has been through the whole pandemic.
Not exactly sure why they split up. He hasn't said too much.
I like my job but I don't plan to stay as my position allows me to develop. No plans to leave just yet.
I am attracted to him, yes. More as I have got to know him away from work.
The points mentioned here are things I have been thinking about. However, I feel more at ease reading about people meeting in work.
It's so difficult to meet people other han OLD. I have had enough of that.

OP posts:
steadyasugo · 19/04/2021 12:10

dont fuck the payroll

5128gap · 19/04/2021 20:26

OP if you like him and it sounds like you do, I'd say go for it.
Yes relationships between colleagues can cause issues, but loads of people meet partners this way. I can't think of a single workplace I've been in where there wasn't at least one couple dating. People gossip at first then it's old news. Although if one of you is in a supervisory capacity it's best avoided.
As for the age difference, other than on MN where people seem to hate it, its a non issue. You're both mature, have children, and the age gap isn't even that big.

Fallowfields · 19/04/2021 20:38

I’ve dated several colleagues. First time it was very pleasant for a while. I moved jobs eventually and we ended up splitting up anyway. Another guy it did get awkward at work when we split, but no big drama in the long run. The most recent one? Well I married him! (My parents also met at work - 50 years married now).

Seriously, it’s TOTALLY normal to meet partners at work. Okay so perhaps not wise to be sleeping with half the office at the same time, and you have to bear in mind the potential for awkwardness if it doesn’t work out, but it’s otherwise really not the big deal some folks are making it out to be.

Sounds like you could have a lovely time - go for it! x

osbertthesyrianhamster · 19/04/2021 20:41

NO. Just no, never shit where you eat. I think he's too young, too. I'd cut this off right now. 'Sorry but I prefer to keep my private life separate from my work life.'

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