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Original poster

Pregnant and rocky relationship

36 replies

jorisbonsonstoupe · 16/04/2021 11:02

I'm due a baby later this year and over the moon. After a long marriage I have a new partner of 14 months and the baby was a surprise.

I'm not over the moon about my relationship though, I'm still grieving my marriage which was good until the end. I was treated well by my husband and have gorgeous growing up children.

My new partner is a man child. Doesn't contribute financially or in the home, emotionally not great, moody, storms off regularly.

I do however love him and he is loyal, gives all his time to me. He will be a good Father.

I feel like he will never be able to live up to my ex husband and I'm being unfair expecting him to live up to that and provide me with what I want and need.

For this reason (and the fact that he doesn't work much) we have frequent, volatile arguments. The stress and tears are getting to me.

I've tried half heartedly to end the relationship, he doesn't want this. But I just feel like I want to be on my own and can't see what I'm getting out of the relationship.

Would I be unfair to end the relationship or should I keep trying for the sake of the family. Financially I'm fine.

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 16/04/2021 11:04

Doesn't sound like great father material to me. Let me guess, he moved into your family home?

Justmuddlingalong · 16/04/2021 11:08

I've tried half heartedly to end the relationship, he doesn't want this.
Tough fucking titty.

MrsMaizel · 16/04/2021 11:12

It sounds like you were looking for a sperm donor in the absence of your ex H .

DungeonKeeper · 16/04/2021 11:13

Frequent volatile arguments will hardly be a great environment to bring up a baby.

Mumoftwoinprimary · 16/04/2021 11:15

*My new partner is a man child. Doesn't contribute financially or in the home, emotionally not great, moody, storms off regularly.

I do however love him and he is loyal, gives all his time to me. He will be a good Father.*

Reading your top paragraph I am wondering the following:-

  1. Why do you love him?
  2. Why do you think he will be a good father?

Because the top paragraph seems to contradict both of those things!

Shoxfordian · 16/04/2021 11:15

It doesn’t sound like there’s much to love

Wanderlusto · 16/04/2021 11:18

Youd be unfair to stay in the relationship.

He is not your family. Your children are your family.

And no, he will not be a good dad. He's an arsehole. He is workshy, moody, volatile, doesn't contribute and gives you the silent treatment (the later btw, is not something normal people do. He is an abuser in the making).

The sooner you get out, the better. Dobt raise your children seeing their mother being treated like utter shit.

Just because someone is there, doesn't mean they are there for you. And that's basically all the good you have to say about him: he is there. ...So what? It's not like he even has anywhere else to be! Be doesn't work!

Raise your standards. Considerably.

Allwokedup · 16/04/2021 11:27

Why did you split from your ex? Was this guy supposed to be a relaxed relationship that’s resulted in a baby? End it Op you don’t want to be with him!

billy1966 · 16/04/2021 11:41

He is NOT your family.

How awful to bring another child into such a toxic, volatile environment.

How do your existing children feel about this waster you have brought into their lives, if their father is a good man.

You need to think more about the children here and not this waster.
Flowers

AttilaTheMeerkat · 16/04/2021 11:47

This man is not your family.

What is there to love about this man?. As and for your comment that he is loyal, well that does not say much about him either. Why is your relationship bar this low?.

I was also going to ask how your now adult children feel about you having this man in your life.

I'd be giving this child your surname rather than his going forward along with firming up plans to separate permanently. This baby should not be growing up in an already toxic and volatile household.

Hulmeert · 16/04/2021 11:52

Why on earth didn't you take precautions to stop getting pregnant if you don't particularly like him?

Bananalanacake · 16/04/2021 11:52

Why should he live with you if he doesn't contribute. Can he go back to where he was before and you can work out contact. Refuse to have a cocklodger in your home, does he pay anything at all towards bills and food.

OolieMacdoolie · 16/04/2021 11:57

Someone who is moody and storms around isn’t going to be a good dad, so save yourself the worry that family life is a reason to stay in a shitty relationship. If you break up now your baby will never know anything different. This relationship is doomed to fail, so much better to end it now than go through a messy separation when your child is used to you living together.

Original poster
jorisbonsonstoupe · 16/04/2021 12:36

Thanks for all the replies.

Gosh of course I wasn't looking for a sperm donor! That would have been easier, no emotional attachment.

OP posts:
Maggiesfarm · 16/04/2021 12:40

@MrsMaizel

It sounds like you were looking for a sperm donor in the absence of your ex H .
I wonder why being as the OP has children from her marriage. It all seems strange considering the ex husband treated her well.

The current relationship sounds like an infatuation more than anything else. My view is she is potty to be having a baby with a man child and would be better off on her own or back with ex.

However it's not my business.

Original poster
jorisbonsonstoupe · 16/04/2021 12:41

I'm ashamed to say that I stayed in the relationship due to loneliness and neediness especially during Covid. I start counselling at the end of the month to address these issues.

My boys are awesome and support me whatever. I kept my married name for them, my ex is my friend. The marriage ended because of a tragedy I can't disclose here that tore us apart so there is still a lot of grief but he moved on some time ago and we co parent and care about one another.

My question is HOW do I decide and how do I end it.

OP posts:
Maggiesfarm · 16/04/2021 13:37

How far pregnant are you?

HollowTalk · 16/04/2021 13:39

Of course he doesn't want it to end. You're funding his lifestyle. But if you do want it to end, then you need to be firm and end it now.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 16/04/2021 13:44

Since you sound determined to have and keep the baby, at the very least don't give it this man's surname and put him on the birth certificate.

azizam · 16/04/2021 13:45

I don’t see why you think this man would be a good father.

How do you end it? Just tell him it is over. If you feel like you need to offer an explanation then do so. In my case it helped to write down my reasons beforehand so I was not overwhelmed.

Also keep in mind, if you keep this guy around as a partner and father to your DC, he will also be in your other children’s life’s a lot. Have you thought about how he fits in there? Is that what you want?

I hope you figure out what you want Flowers

osbertthesyrianhamster · 16/04/2021 13:46

And yes, he will not be a good father. He's a cocklodger.

Isolatedizzy · 16/04/2021 13:48

I don't understand why you're getting such harsh replies here!
Do you work? You need to start thinking practically. The last thing you need is this man ending up as some sort of 'stay at home dad' just because he doesn't like going to work.
He needs to be gone before your baby is born!

osbertthesyrianhamster · 16/04/2021 13:50

@Isolatedizzy

I don't understand why you're getting such harsh replies here! Do you work? You need to start thinking practically. The last thing you need is this man ending up as some sort of 'stay at home dad' just because he doesn't like going to work. He needs to be gone before your baby is born!
Maybe because it doesn't seem a good situation to bring a child into. But definitely the cocklodger needs to be out.
user1636853246842157 · 16/04/2021 13:56

You end it for the sake of the baby. Being born into an environment like that causes developmental damage and lifelong problems.

Original poster
jorisbonsonstoupe · 16/04/2021 14:28

I have a business I can work around the baby and have plenty of money from the divorce.

I think the comment about him not wanting to leave as I am finding him is partly true. But he says he loves me hmmm

OP posts:
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