Surely this is a reasonable request

[Heyduggee123]

DH and I have been married nearly 9 years. We have 2 year old twins. We went through 5 rounds of IVF to get them. It was some of the most awful years of my life. I definitely feel as though my life is complete. Twins are such hard work, I'm nearly 41 and DH is 50 this year.

We've barely had sex in the last 3 years. DH wouldn't come near me when pregnant and we're so tired at the end of the day we just collapse into bed and fall asleep.

We both want this to change and we're making a conscious effort. I know that the chances of me getting pregnant are extremely slim, but I really don't want to get pregnant. I did think about the contraceptive pill or the coil but then I thought no why should I? I have pumped my body full of drugs with the IVF for years, I'm done with any kind of hormones (well until the menopause kicks in, probably in about 12 months lol). Anyway given all of this I have asked DH to consider a vasectomy. He's not against the idea but has done sweet FA to organise even looking into it.

I know no man would relish having his tubes snipped but surely this is a totally reasonable request.

Did anyone else's DH have a reluctance to go under the knife?

its far less intrusive and far more effective than anything you would have to put your body through again
This is really important and worth noting for all the women who jump on threads about vasectomy and tell the op she should get sterilised. It isn't comparable.

Op’s partner has agreed to the vasectomy, so it isnt a case of his body his choice. Which sounds ridiculous in itself after what op has gone through. The issue is he hasn't bothered to organise it.

And it isnt manipulative and abusive to say no reliable contraception, no sex ffs. Op is well within her rights to say she cannot risk getting pregnant again.

Does he often out off things until you take over, op?

“Look into the copper coil. It lasts for 10 years and no hormones. I think it’s great”

This. I was never on the pill. It was always condoms (coming of age in the mid-80s with AIDS taking hold made sure of that), then diaphragm (with H). Post second child, I switched to copper coil and it was so liberating. Loved it.

I refused to have sex without a condom, xh soon got himself sorted!

Get him some
Pamphlets and leaflets and hand them to him. Here, have a look. When do you think you want to get booked in? Shall we look online ? If he was just paying lip service you will soon know if he really wants to get this done. If not, then condoms I guess.

We also have 2 year old twins from our 4th round of IVF and I completely understand not wanting to fill your body with hormones after all the hormones injected during IVF. I was the exactly the same. My DH was the one who suggested he have the snip and I was actually the one quite apprehensive. Not because I wanted another child ( possibility of conceiving naturally was ridiculously slim anyway) but I worried he would regret his decision and if for some reason we ever split he wouldn't be able to have anymore children if he ever wanted to ( We are only in our 30s) but he understood I didn't want to pump more hormones into my body and decided it was the best course of action.

It is his body so 100% his choice but if he has agreed then just ask him if hes managed to look into having it done. My partner only spoke to his doctor about it and a few weeks later was booked in to have it done. Was in an out within an hour

This evening, after you put the kids to bed sit down with him and get the laptop out. My surgery now has a contact form you fill in if you want to speak to a doctor. You fill in what you want to discuss and the GP will call back in 48 hours. You can also research with him how much it costs and even find a local clinic that might do it for you. Be proactive with him so he has no wriggle room. Do it tonight, together and get it aired, talked about and the first step done.

Well after 5 pregnancies but only 3 children dh reluctantly booked in for the snip. I got the coil... early menopause (age 42 now... diagnosed a year) We are definitely done & dh surprisingly is a great promoter of the snip. Best of luck with the decision- maybe show your dh this thread

Best of luck with the decision- maybe show your dh this thread

How do you imagine that will help? I’d be really pissed off about a partner posting personal stuff like this for discussion. Seriously, why do people suggest this like it’s a good idea?

@Dery

“Look into the copper coil. It lasts for 10 years and no hormones. I think it’s great”

This. I was never on the pill. It was always condoms (coming of age in the mid-80s with AIDS taking hold made sure of that), then diaphragm (with H). Post second child, I switched to copper coil and it was so liberating. Loved it.

But she doesn't want a coil.

What Gilda said but no, I wouldn't say 'look into other options' because you know that other than condoms, they all involve the women doing the contracepting. So fine, condoms every time.

DH was fine using them until he got the all clear, too. I'd had an instrumental delivery, 2 other deliveries, 2 missed miscarriages that needed ERPC and an op to dig out my migratory Mirena that punctured my uterus and the pain was unbelievable. We also have a child with SN.

It's been fab. BUT, no pressure from me at all. He chose it.

@PurpleDaisies I take your point. Never considered it a bad idea before as my dh always happy to listen to me yap about Mumsnet. Anyway I won't suggest ever it again on your recommendation 😊

I'm having the exact same talk with my partner. I'm currently pregnant but I don't want another after this. I refuse to mess my body up further with chemicals and coils. Pregnancy has ruined my body and I have a few sports injuries too! I've been on the pill for over half my life. I've absolutely had it with contraception.

So his choice is the snip or a monk! Either or!