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Original poster

What to do

29 replies

Icd14 · 15/04/2021 13:32

Hey I’m reaching out for some advice or support as a single mum please.
I’ve been in a long distance relationship for 9 months now and it’s getting harder to travel etc to see one another
We both have kids, he lives in England and his son does too but with his mother. I live in Scotland& my son is about to start secondary school.
He isn’t prepared to move away from his son after moving down there last year. I have considered moving but not sure the timing is right with my son & upsetting his routine
Any suggestions or compromise as I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 15/04/2021 13:37

I wouldn't move country and take my son away from his school, friends, family for a guy I'd only spent minimal real life time with for less than a year no, absolutely not

TheWaif · 15/04/2021 13:39

I'd call it a day and remember not to get into a long distance relationship in the future.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 15/04/2021 13:39

I would not move and I would also consider ending the relationship now.

Aquamarine1029 · 15/04/2021 13:40

What's best for the children is what matters, and you probably need to accept that this relationship isn't workable right now. Thinking of moving your son is madness. You barely know this man and haven't even been dating for a year. Don't even consider moving.

litterbird · 15/04/2021 13:41

Personally I would question whether to remain in this relationship. I think when both parties have children its best to find someone closer to where you live. Sorry if thats not what you want to hear but LDRs with children usually dont last very long unless the children are about to go to uni, leave the nest and you both have talked about the next step in your relationship and move closer together.

Justcallmebebes · 15/04/2021 13:45

You've known him a very short time and he's not prepared to compromise at all. Don't uproot your poor son for a stranger. I'd find someone closer to home if I were you

autumnalrain · 15/04/2021 15:12

Wouldn’t you think about these things before embarking on a LDR?

Original poster
Icd14 · 15/04/2021 15:29

Yes I did but We don’t always know what the future holds . Just trying to look for options instead of throwing in the towel

OP posts:
sunnyzweibrucken · 15/04/2021 16:23

I wouldn't uproot my child to move to a man after only 9 months of dating, especially when the entire 9 months was long distance.

I say stick it out and try to visit each other as often as possible or end it and find someone closer to home. In situations like this the children come first.

Megasaurus · 15/04/2021 16:26

I think it's far too early to think about moving in with each other. How old are the kids?

NotaCoolMum · 15/04/2021 16:29

LDR are VERY dangerous- how do you know you’re actually compatible?

Original poster
Icd14 · 15/04/2021 17:27

The kids are 11 and 7.
Him and I get on so well and have spent lots of time together & stayed over for longer periods of time very frequently at each other’s house which isn’t the same as living together I know. When you know you know it’s the right person. We both want the same goals but hard to find a way forward
Easy to walk away but when u find someone u connect with properly then not so easy.

OP posts:
Lozzerbmc · 15/04/2021 19:02

Well I think 9 months is very early days so I guess you need to give things more time and particularly see how things go when life returns to normal. I certainly wouldnt move my children away from friends and school - what if it didnt work out..? I think time will tell.

category12 · 15/04/2021 20:48

If it's that great, then tough it out a bit longer.

You need to know each other longer before you uproot your dc and move away from your social network. And what about your dc's father?

Why is it getting harder to travel to see each other? Surely it's getting easier with lockdown lifting and so forth.

Original poster
Icd14 · 15/04/2021 20:58

Maybe the travelling is just taking it’s toll and tiresome & trying to work it around work and other commitments
I just feel so deflated 😞

OP posts:
Miseryl · 15/04/2021 21:05

With all due respect, your situations were exactly the same when you started dating- what did you expect would happen eventually? How was it ever tenable for you to settle down with him while your children are still going?

Original poster
Icd14 · 15/04/2021 21:14

I don’t know , I probably thought it wouldn’t work out like most of my relationships.
Just trying to reach a compromise here or look at potential ideas

OP posts:
DianaT1969 · 15/04/2021 21:19

How did you meet? If you are brutally honest, have you been making more effort to visit him, than he has to visit you?

The reason I ask why you met - some men target women far away online dating because they don't want a serious relationship. I'd be suspicious if he had his geography set at 400 miles.

TheWaif · 15/04/2021 21:19

How could there be a compromise if neither of you want to move?

Original poster
Icd14 · 15/04/2021 21:24

The move maybe has to hold off just now until the time is right I guess, I don’t know all the answers
Some people get married and move or get a new job & are forced to move etc . All situations are different i guess

OP posts:
category12 · 15/04/2021 21:35

What about your child's father?

Original poster
Icd14 · 15/04/2021 21:51

I’m torn in all ways. He sees him but doesn’t offer much other support with childcare around school etc so I have to work it all around me, my new job

OP posts:
Commonwasher · 15/04/2021 21:53

Falling in love is a lot easier than rearranging your life to live with them.

On the face of it, neither of you is prepared to move so it’s likely you won’t be able to sustain a relationship. But if you genuinely love each other, maybe in a few years things will look different and you’ll have more options.

9m is very early in a relationship to be considering uprooting your child & disrupting their education.

category12 · 15/04/2021 21:56

Him providing childcare isn't the point tho. It's about their relationship, your son presumably loves his dad.

Original poster
Icd14 · 15/04/2021 22:04

Yes I know that but he should take his share of responsibility to
I’ve never stopped the relationship between them but more support would be great

OP posts:
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