selfish sex

[thoroughlyfuckedoff]

Just wondering what others thoughts are on this.A few days ago my husband and I were having sex.We were having a good time and then he came.He then got up without saying anything and went for a shower and then got back into bed and gave me a cuddle.I said to him later on I felt it was a bit selfish that he just got up and went for a shower and it killed the moment and left me unsatisfied.It felt to me a bit like ,for him the job was done.He got mad with me and said I should have been more proactive and if i was bothered I should have gone to the shower with him.I'm now even madder and think he's being selfish or am I being unreasonable?

I used to think I didn't enjoy foreplay. Then I shaved my pubes on a whim, jesus fucking christ, finally I understood oral sex!! Amazing how much better it feels when the sensation can actually be felt instead of muffled by a bush. A bit like how a bloke wouldn't feel much if you gave him a blowjob through a sock.

Anyway OP - you're currently rewarding him for giving you shit sex, by having more shit sex with him. You need to motivate him to want you to orgasm.

@thoroughlyfuckedoff I have too. I realised I had to tell him how I wanted to be treated. Communication is the key here. Good luck with the conversation 🙂

[quote BigButtons]@EarthSight totally agree with you . I suspect that is exactly what happened in his past. I had to teach him where my clitoris was and it took him bloody ages to get it right. I suspect no woman has bothered before or simply given up and left him.[/quote]
That's awful @BigButtons . There's no excuse for it. There are so many diagrams and resources out there these days. What's worse is this horrible thing where men make their female partners feel like losers or freaks just because they happen to not orgasm via penetration - all because of their ignorance or feelings of inadequacy over the size of their penis. They package that insecurity up and hand it over to the women and go 'There you go. It's your fault you can't come because of my penis. You're the one who's abnormal'.

It doesn't have to be overt either. It can be a sort of more subtle, skeptical head-tilt, a patronising rub on the back whilst he expresses sympathy at your so-called abnormality, or a resigned sigh that you require 'extra help'.

I've had it whilst trying to enlighten a boyfriend a long time ago about female biology, something that wasn't sex related. He was skeptical despite me saying 'have a look online, at medical textbooks or ask your GP'. That determined ignorance was just astounding.

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

I used to think I didn't enjoy foreplay. Then I shaved my pubes on a whim, jesus fucking christ, finally I understood oral sex!! Amazing how much better it feels when the sensation can actually be felt instead of muffled by a bush. A bit like how a bloke wouldn't feel much if you gave him a blowjob through a sock.

Anyway OP - you're currently rewarding him for giving you shit sex, by having more shit sex with him. You need to motivate him to want you to orgasm.

But, your clitoris, the main sensitive part, isn't covered in hair, so where exactly was he licking? If it was truly covered, I assume a trim wasn't enough? @EvenMoreFuriousVexation

Definitely have a chat whilst not in bed about it on neutral grounds. Explain what you want from him. Be explicit. It's your sex life too, not just his.

I often let DH get his fingers in place to rub my clitoris as he penetrates me, other times I come through PIV sex (spooning is great for this!). You need to mix it up so that you get variety. Be in charge of your own destiny! Good luck 🤞

@blowinahoolie

Definitely have a chat whilst not in bed about it on neutral grounds. Explain what you want from him. Be explicit. It's your sex life too, not just his.

I often let DH get his fingers in place to rub my clitoris as he penetrates me, other times I come through PIV sex (spooning is great for this!). You need to mix it up so that you get variety. Be in charge of your own destiny! Good luck 🤞

@blowinahoolie Be in charge of your own destiny??

The OPs partner just came in her and then just left her there on the bed whilst he went into the shower, and you're telling her to 'take charge of her own destiny'??

This is not about 'mixing it up'. This isn't about lack of variety. That comment just sounds like one step away from blaming her for his actions. This is about her partner being a thoughtless, selfish twat and using her body as a cum dump whilst he skips off with little regard for her once he's had his pleasure. 'Taking charge of her destiny' should have been dumping him over this type of behaviour.

What'x the reason why he can't hold on until you orgasm, or that he doesn't finish you off after he's had an orgasm?

Earth sight think you have misunderstood what I am saying. Nothing will improve without discussion 🤔

Perhaps he’s embarrassed by his thoughtfulness and reacted in this way because of it

If you don't enjoy foreplay he probably isn't doing it right, which is a sure bet considering how sexually selfish he is

@EarthSight
Absolutely spot on.
When I finally challenged him and told him most women can’t orgasm through PIV he claimed to know. That made it worse.
I would love him to read ‘she comes first’ I know his ego would get in the way though.
This relationship sex- wise has been a revelation to me; I realise have been extra oily KH with my many previous sexual partners. They were pretty well all attentive and skilled ( there were a handful of crap ones) and I thought oral sex and attention to the woman’s needs were completely normal.
Turns out I was just very lucky.
As you say it’s hardly difficult and why wouldn’t you want to develop your skills in that area?

Fgs my phone is driving me mad with bloody auto correct. I meant extra lucky with previous partners not oily🧐🧐

@BigButtons It's really sad how many women are willing to put up with that to the point where normal, mutual enjoyment and considerate behavior makes women feel 'lucky' as you say.

How about women just reject or stop having sex with selfish or ignorant men so that it's a fringe issue without it being seen as the norm.

@EarthSight I fear that would only happen once women realise that they have the right to good sex. I guess there are many woman who’ve only ever has shit sex and so think that’s what sex is. They probably try to avoid it and then have their partners complain about lack of sex.

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

I used to think I didn't enjoy foreplay. Then I shaved my pubes on a whim, jesus fucking christ, finally I understood oral sex!! Amazing how much better it feels when the sensation can actually be felt instead of muffled by a bush. A bit like how a bloke wouldn't feel much if you gave him a blowjob through a sock.

Anyway OP - you're currently rewarding him for giving you shit sex, by having more shit sex with him. You need to motivate him to want you to orgasm.

I don't understand this. There is no pubic hair on your clitoris . I have never shaved and very much enjoy oral sex. My partners tongue is on my clitoris, and vulva not on my pubic hair.

He's selfish.

My exH would finish within about a minute and then get up to shower too. I put up with that shit for 10 years, he never changed despite me hinting and then telling him outright that he was being selfish

My dp ALWAYS makes sure I go first, and usually afterwards too. I'd never put up with a selfish lover again.

@BigButtons lol at 'extra oily' - I didn't see that as a typo at all. I thought you were suggesting a solution to the problem!
Seriously, it's really unfair for a man to just trot off when he's done. Sex is such a special thing to share, both of you should be getting equal pleasure from it. I too didn't realise the sex I had was rubbish, almost had to chuck in an instruction manual to get anywhere worth going. And then someone came along and boy did they open my eyes to how it should be. There's nothing more sexy than making your partner come, and that in turn makes you come. If you want each other and care about each other, surely you want your partner to be as satisfied as possible. Good luck OP, hope you and your partner can work this out. Sex is so important, especially good sex. You need it for your soul.
I'm really hoping to have sex again one day. . . . . :(

I realise have been extra oily KH with my many previous sexual partners. They were pretty well all attentive and skilled

I'd say if a woman's extra oily, that's definitely a sign her partner is doing it right

@Dontcallmewifey - There may be no pubic hair on your cltoris but there is on the area sorrounding it and it can muffle some amazing sensations.

@bunglebee

I realise have been extra oily KH with my many previous sexual partners. They were pretty well all attentive and skilled

I'd say if a woman's extra oily, that's definitely a sign her partner is doing it right

😂😂🧐

My DP struggles to stay awake once he's come so he always sorts me out first and second, third, fourth, fifth

He gets that glazed look in his eyes & a daft look on his face, & his brain stops functioning

I have this problem with my DH and am trying to solve it but it's difficult. Mine isn't exactly intentionally selfish just frustratingly clueless. He's the sort of person who, if I told him I would leave unless it improves, would make an effort, but otherwise just carries on as normal. He has no real curiosity or interest in trying new things. He just wants PIV and seems to think foreplay is to get me ready for that. So far I have tried the usual, being encouraging when he does something right, moving his hand and literally showing him what I like, telling him not to stop when he gives up after 5 mins, etc but I think it's too subtle and the next time it goes back to the way it was.

I've read that She Comes First book. But why aren't the men reading it?

I wish I had been more discerning when I was younger and had ditched him. He is an otherwise lovely man and I feel like a bitch for potentially breaking up our family for this one thing, but at the same time I can't live with it.

He's being incredibly selfish. That kind of thing has been my experience in almost every relationship I've had, when they're done it's over. I've been celibate for over a decade now because no sex really is better than bad sex.

To be fair to him he would be delighted to have more foreplay-its usually me thats pushing for piv because I find it more pleasurable but never quite get there

I think it's a good sign he enjoys foreplay because it points to him not being innately selfish, perhaps.

If you would be open to it - could you perhaps try him using a toy on you, before the PIV stuff?

If he uses a solid realistically built dildo/ vibe you like the shape and feel of, maybe that would be a fun type of foreplay for you that doesn't involve oral or fingers?

Of course you may have tried this but thought I'd suggest!

He’s probably embarrassed about his stamina.

How about a ring around his penis that delays orgasm?