Just found out my 18yr old dd is in abusive relationship....book q

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I wasn't sure if this is the best place to post but here goes:

My dd has been through a tough time recently, hospitalized numerous time and had a suicide attempt last year due. She has a myriad of diagnosis which all stem from ptsd from abuse from a so called family friend 5 years ago.

She began a relationship with a friend of hers and its been 6 months. The last month or so I have noticed that she just hasn't been 'right'. To cut a very long story short, she is in both a physical and mentally abusive relationship with him. I was so shocked, I really didn't see this coming as even I (having been through similar) didn't even pick up a thing until now!

Anyway, we are in the typical situation where she is refusing to break if off with him as he has said and done the 'right' things. He is sorry, wont do it again, blah blah blah. I know he wont change, but she doesn't see that. Luckily I have already been able to get her into see her psychologist already, but she has warned me already that we have a long road ahead of us here, she has to make the break from him herself. I know that as much as it is killing me to have to just step back.

She is going to her dad for a few days as needs some time away from here which I think is a good thing. Dad doesn't know and she doesn't want him to either (she says if he knows she wont be able to go there and try to get away from it all as he will also just want to discuss it).

So for the few days away she will be at their house alone quite a bit of the time (yes that is a bit of a worry but there isn't a lot I can do about it - I have lost sleep about this) so I want to get her a book to take with her to read. Something like Lundy Why does he do that is way too much for her right now (she is in a deep dip of depression again) so i found one called The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and The Horse. Has anyone read this? I see it has great reviews, and then the odd one saying its a lot of crap. I wont have time to order it and read it myself before she goes to take with her, so I want to ask if anyone has read it, and do you think it suitable for someone in the middle of a crisis, in a major dip and having to come to terms with the fact she's been abused. Again.

I don't know what insomnia said but I can guess and I wholeheartedly agree.

There's no way I'd tread softly if someone was physically harming my child. I'd tell her dad if he's the type who could be of help to actually sort this - not pussyfoot around having meetings with the little scumbag's mother

Bless her. I've just got out of an emotionally abusive relationship. It's extremely hard as she's got to have that lightbulb moment when she has had enough and is done. I know that doesn't always happen. For me it was a case of blocking him and saying I was done after another one of his mean episodes.

It's a long road. Emotions alter hourly. Some days are really positive. Others are hard. I went through the sadness. The heartache. The confused stage. But gradually I've started doing tiny things to help myself and move forward and starting to feel good.

I found keeping a diary good. Writing down incidents that happened. Reading up on narcs and toxic relationships. watching dirty John on Netflix. I wrote letters to him and burned them. Writing down what I didn't like about him and realising there was nothing I did like in the end. He was horrible.

You sound like a lovely mum. Keeping her busy and positive is good. Explaining to her what happens in these situations. There's a world of men out there and there's someone good out there searching for her and will treat her with the love she deserves.

I'm so sorry she's going through this. It's just not nice and the world is full of these horrible men walking around from victim to victim, not paying the price.

She will see her worth. Maybe her dad should know. I know my dad's always been my comfort with boy problems. Maybe a lecture from her dad will make her see. She needs positive male role models right now. good men to tell her that men do not treat women like this. It's not on.

Sending you a big hug. I hope she sees her worth soon xx

OP I would recommend "How He Gets into Her Head: The Mind of the Male Intimate Abuser" by Don Hennessy. I would suggest you read it first and it may help support your DD, it may be overwhelming for her right now. Is there any chance after her exams she could visit friends or family in another part of the country just to give her some space away from this scrote? for you all, I hope things get better for your girl soon.