At breaking point - can't win no matter what I say

[Freshair85]

Just need to rant more than anything.

If I ask for help around the house I'm told I'm always moaning at him, he says he will do things when he feels like it (months later). If I dare bring up how much I am doing and feel under appreciated I get told I don't appreciate he works all day and then cooks dinner (I'm on maternity leave and while he cooks dinner I'm putting the baby to bed).

If I then (now) reach breaking point and point out his flaws (laziness, never cleaning or helping around the house) I just get told "yeah cause you're always right" he's said this around 10 times today - I pointed out the fact that by saying this and nothing else it actually means he can never be wrong and just get a "yeah course" with a smirk.

Is there anything I can say to get through to him or should I cut my losses.

Background: not married, together 6 years, 1 DD. I'm currently on maternity leave and do all housework and most parenting (he'll occasionally do some washing up or take the bins out if I ask)

Oh I had one of those, I’m not doing it because you told me too, I’ll do it in my own time. But then didn’t do it if I didn’t say, catch 22 and maddening. I found divorce helped.

Do you own your house and are you named on the deeds ?
Do you have your own bank account ?

You'll have a lot less to do without that tosser around! Chuck him out!

A manchild is such an unnattractive thing. Just reading about his laziness makes my fanny slam shut.

Was he an arsehole before you had the baby? Get rid, he has no respect for you.

Thanks all for listening to my ramblings, we currently rent, fortunately I've been saving to buy and have a decent amount saved and a lot more financially stable than him - although I think he feels as he is paying more at the moment due to smp that somehow puts him above me.

He has always been messy and was something we discussed in depth before we lived together and multiple times since as that's not how I want to leave, but his behaviour towards me has worsened since I got pregnant weirdly.

Make sure he knows what his share of nursery runs, housework etc he will be doing when you go back to work.

Oh my god just get rid

It won't ever get any better with him. I stuck it out for 18 years too many and since divorcing him and meeting someone else I am amazed at how different it can be.

The first time my new dp made me breakfast I was 😯- how sad is that!!

So many men think that because they go to work, they don't have to do anything else.

Cooking is great, but is usually done (by men) for the pleasure of it. They don't mind cooking so they'll do that, right?

It's all the stuff they DON'T want to do that's the problem.

Cut your losses.

It won't improve, and his attitude stinks. He has no love or respect for you.

There's nothing to be gained by clinging to a dickhead.

There’s no win with a guy like this. He’s fundamentally flawed. He’s a prick. Selfish, lazy and disrespectful. It’s not at all weird it got worse when you had the baby. It’s quite common for guys like yours to totally take the piss because now you’re trapped and won’t walk away. Before the baby he had to put some effort in to keep you. Not any more. This is now your life. It will get worse if you have more kids. Don’t ever be financially relying on him. It’s up to you if you can live like this. I couldn’t

Ask yourself if this is the kind of environment you want to raise your child in. I hope the answer is no.

I'm afraid it will get a whole heap worse now that you've got dc. You'll do everything you're doing now, plus child rearing in it's entirety.

Get yourself away from him before you end up in a mess

his behaviour towards me has worsened since I got pregnant weirdly

Sadly it's not weird, it's really quite common. With an attitude like his he'll always be right and you'll always be deserving of his nastiness, he's unlikely to get any better as long as there are children to take your attention away from him. From what you've said in your posts, it sounds like he brings nothing but negativity to your life. Is there anything positive about him at all?

His behaviour getting worse once you were pregnant isn’t wierd - it’s extremely common snd a red flag for domestic abuse. Both my children’s fathers because unpleasant ince I was pregnant. Both turned out to be abusive, lying, controlling bastards.

You’re in a good position - and he’s made it clear that he’s not interested in your opinion, your feelings or your sense of emotional safety with him so leave, now, whilst there’s still a you left to save.

Op take some TRUE ADVICE. He will not change no matter what you say he just will not change. I don't know you although your poast is like I do. I've been in the same situation for 20years and 4dcs no help my dp don't cook or clean or be supportive to my wants he is a provider and I've done the child care and housework etc etc and not even a thank you after all this time. From experience your dp WILL NOT CHANGE. sounds a bit like a mummy man who wants a mummy to do the work for him.

@bettertimesarecomingnow your last part made me smile, I found myself thinking the other day wouldn't it be nice when he made himself a drink to offer or make me one

He’s worse when you’re pregnant because he thinks you’re trapped and less likely to leave him

Get yourself a new place to rent ASAP

@Aquamarine1029 this is at the forefront of me thinking this is now the time to leave, I would never want my daughter to think it's normal to be treated this way or be in a relationship where you weren't equals.

Take your savings and cut yr losses

I find that once the resentment sets in, it is very hard to come back from. My soon to be ex partner was like this- I carried all the mental load but he never acknowledged it and if I tried to say anything about it he would act like I was being completely unreasonable. The resentment grew and grew and now we've separated. I find that my workload has actually decreased despite having two kids, as I don't have to clean up after him too (and I was already doing all the bills, food shopping etc anyway). If you really want to salvage things I'd urge you to have some very open and honest conversations about what has gone wrong (perhaps in couples counselling), otherwise I can't see it getting better by itself

@Tomyoneandonly thanks for the advice, sorry for your situation too!

Yeh my x got worse when he considered me trapped.i do not miss him or that constant level of resentment

@Flamingo49 this really rings true, it's not just the physical load it's the mental load too having to plan everything too!

[quote Freshair85]@bettertimesarecomingnow your last part made me smile, I found myself thinking the other day wouldn't it be nice when he made himself a drink to offer or make me one [/quote]
Wtf? You mean he only makes teas and coffees for himself? What a bellend.

Get rid!