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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Cheating lying loser husband

38 replies

MaverickMum86 · 13/04/2021 16:10

I've been with my husband for 18 years. I recently discovered (thanks to some super sleuthing) that he has been having it off with some two-bit t@rt for the past 18 months. Think it started about 6 months before covid hit our shores.
Anyway, when I confronted him, he actually had the gall to blame ME for his selfishness and weakness. The other woman is actually the same age (39) but is not married and has no kids. He said pregnant has ruined my body; apparently, though I never gained much weight, yet stretchmarks and "baggy fanny" from giving birth to HIS 2 offspring have rendered me useless and unattractive. Oh, and the fact that I'm sometimes too tired or busy to drop my knickers or make him the full focus of my attention. What baffles me is why he is begging me to let him stay if I am SO repulsive and SHE is so perfect. He met her on Tinder BTW (if that makes any difference).

OP posts:
MaMaD1990 · 13/04/2021 16:13

Well aint he a peach?!

GoddessKali · 13/04/2021 16:15

Does she know you exist and that your DH is married? Because if not please don't go attacking women, I have been with someone only to find out afterwards they were married.

I'm sorry he's been so awful to you, the comments are vile. What are you going to do?

Original poster
MaverickMum86 · 13/04/2021 16:19

Oh yes - she definitely knows. From what I gather, it excites her to know that she caught the eye of a married man and is embroiled in a cat and mouse game. She doesn't know that I know yet though. I'm not going to make firm decisions yet because I'm too angry (and decisions made in anger are often ones we come to regret). I am very shocked and confused though. He was actually meeting her in abandoned pub car parks during lockdown too. Oh, and they've been to a dogging site together!

OP posts:
Wanderlusto · 13/04/2021 16:19

Oh well, toodles to him.
Who needs some arsehole who makes you feel shite about yourself kicking about?
Guessing he just doesn't want to have to pay the divorce fees and child support anyway. But tough shit. He cant have his...tart and eat it xD

murmurlade · 13/04/2021 16:22

I don't mean to jump in when it is your life and YOUR decisions to make. But for what it's worth I don't think you could ever regret getting rid of someone who has so little respect for you as a partner, and your amazing body that created his children. I can't believe he would dare disrespect you so blatantly. You are worth millions what he is and do not deserve this. Give yourself the advice you'd give your own sister. I'm so sorry xxx

Appledrop · 13/04/2021 16:27

@murmurlade

I don't mean to jump in when it is your life and YOUR decisions to make. But for what it's worth I don't think you could ever regret getting rid of someone who has so little respect for you as a partner, and your amazing body that created his children. I can't believe he would dare disrespect you so blatantly. You are worth millions what he is and do not deserve this. Give yourself the advice you'd give your own sister. I'm so sorry xxx
I agree with murmulade.

I don't think you can come back from thism not with those scathing and awful comments he made on top of the fact that he's been cheating, they will be forever be ingrained in your brain.

Opentooffers · 13/04/2021 16:35

This is all on your H, not the other woman - who may not know he's married. I get you're mad, but you need to direct your anger on the right person.
It would be the end for me, especially compounded by what he's said to you, which, I might add is total BS, and in no way absolves him of his behaviour. Ultimately, he's proved, he does not have your back in life, you are not a team, he does not appreciate you, so how you could ever get respect for him back I don't know.
There are plenty of men in life, only too happy to be physical with someone whose previously given birth, so pay no heed. He likely said it, to knock your confidence and prevent you looking elsewhere. He's just realised that he wouldn't like it if the boot was on the other foot, that's why he's there, that and your DC and other benefits of family life, that you were upholding whilst he was spending time shagging someone else when it should of been with his family. He could still want to stay even if his feelings for you are low down the list. Are you willing to be a martyr and sacrifice your happiness for others?

Anotheruser02 · 13/04/2021 16:39

He's an arse hole, she is irrelevant. I don't think you will ever regret choosing self respect and telling him to fuck off to tight fanny.

The thing you have over both of them is that you know you are better than being an option for the kind of man who thinks he deserves two women. Pity her, she's known what he is all along and she's deliberately choosing him. Yuck.

Aprilshowersandhail · 13/04/2021 16:41

Order an Uber.
Send him and his stuff on his way. Don't you dare do the pick me dance.
.

DinosaurDiana · 13/04/2021 16:42

Pack his bags and send him to her, I bet she won’t want him when she’s washing his undies 🤣🤣

Whythesadface · 13/04/2021 16:49

He liked the excitement of CHEATING on you.
You will never be able to trust him again, and I bet the OW won't want him.

Oneeyeopen · 13/04/2021 16:56

If you do stay will you ever feel relaxed about your body when you’re with him?
I couldn’t get over such nasty remarks.
Also you’re still young. You have time to rebuild your life.
At the very least build up a leaving fund.

Aquamarine1029 · 13/04/2021 16:58

Well she can have him, right? Tell him to be careful the door doesn't smack his arse on the way out.

MadMadMadamMim · 13/04/2021 17:03

Not sure that there is any real doubt about the decision, surely?

This is a no brainer.

How could you possibly not end the marriage and still retain any self respect?

Unreasonabubble · 13/04/2021 17:04

Oh, and they've been to a dogging site together! Confused Shock Hmm

Closetbeanmuncher · 13/04/2021 17:06

He was actually meeting her in abandoned pub car parks during lockdown too. Oh, and they've been to a dogging site together

Nice 😳😬

What are you confused about?

Pack his shit and tell him you will be taking your "substandard" body and bits to someone with higher standards and a little more class.

I think you did well not to introduce his head to a frying pan in fairness.

AmandaHoldensLips · 13/04/2021 17:12

Christ. What a charmer.

That would definitely be a case of shoving his stuff into bin bags, chucking them out of the window, and pushing him out of the door.

He's begging to stay because he thought he could get away with it and hadn't thought about what happens when he's caught. Not because he's sorry.

You deserve a LOT better.

Original poster
MaverickMum86 · 13/04/2021 17:12

I'm in two minds about whether to just explode and go totally nuclear on him OR play the clever (and long game) to enable me to get all of my 'ducks in a row' before kicking him to the kerb.

OP posts:
IsThePopeCatholic · 13/04/2021 17:16

What on earth are you doing with a man with these attitudes? He sounds positively revolting.

Crabwoman · 13/04/2021 17:16

What is his reaction likely to be if you go nuclear and chuck him out. Is he likely to go quietly and accept the consequences to his actions? Or will he be a tricky shit?

Diesse · 13/04/2021 17:19

Just get rid in the way that will most (financially) benefit you. And pay her no heed. It doesn’t matter that she knew about you, she’s not worth any headspace. Good luck, and I’m sorry to hear about another rotten to the core husband

Wanderlusto · 13/04/2021 17:20

Send him a text along the lines of 'I dobt want to talk in person right now. Im just not sure I can get past your cheating for 18 months. Can you go stay at your mums for a few weeks?' Or similar - basically with the aim of getting him to admit the cheating im writing. Might come in handy. Plus if he goes you can sort out the solicitor and get your ducks in a row whilst he is away, thinking it's just for a few weeks.

Tomyoneandonly · 13/04/2021 17:51

I'm so sorry op. His new ???? Should take a long look I the mirror. He cheated on the mother of his children he can do it to a dirty cow easy. I am of the opinion of this should be illegal people shouldn't get away with doing this to families. The great saying is what goes around comes around. Get rid of him I would even keep your dcs away from him. Us women need to stand up for our rights to be able to have a family when we don't need to worry about dirty people getting themselves involved. If us women all stand up for our children and our units this country would be a better place. We are at the bottom of the food chain as mother's and that's not how it should be. There is no excuse for what he has done to you he should be prosecuted.

Closetbeanmuncher · 13/04/2021 18:33

I wouldn't waste my breath going nuclear just tell him to go to his friends or family because you're "deeply hurt" and while he's gone make your plans.

EarthSight · 13/04/2021 19:16

From what I gather, it excites her to know that she caught the eye of a married man and is embroiled in a cat and mouse game

God that is so pathetic, isn't? She's welcome to him.

Did he actually say 'baggy fanny'??? Jesus fucking Christ. This is the thanks that women get for giving birth to their partner's children.

I suspect that shit just got real for him and he never intended to actually leave you.....just to give himself the permission to shag someone else without you knowing.