I don’t know where to turn. I’ve no friends anymore and am so lonely and my long term partner told me this weekend that he doesn’t think staying together is right for us. It’s very complicated, he is going through a divorce and he has trust issues as have I.
On paper it sounds doomed but only last week he was saying he still wants to build a life with me irrespective of our differences and the past hurt. This weekend after much conflict around his divorce - conflict between him and I, he reached the conclusion it won’t work and we would be miserable given the challenges of different histories and lifestyles. He maintains after a blow out last week that he’s come to the realisation that whilst we are still deeply in love certain challenges are too big.
He has also said he will consider meeting up if after some time of reflection I still want to meet but he feels he can’t change how he feels because of all the past hurt and things I shared which has given him an impression that my values are not what I say they are, so meeting isn’t the right thing but he’ll still do it if I want to but I need to seriously think if it’s the right thing.
When we met I’d come out of an abusive relationship with my Dcs dad and thought I was in a good place but in hindsight I wasn’t ready. He was as he’s older and has been ‘single’ for years.
He’s messaged after our discussions to say thank you for a thoughtful message I sent outlying I understood why we are here and he loves me and I said I’d think about meeting and whether it was in reality the right thing to do and sent him a long message outlining my concerns and if I still think it’s the right decision to meet. I’ve not committed to meeting just yet either way. He won’t read it tonight as emotions are still running high and he is tired from work and needs time.
He’s says he still loves me and wants to save our relationship but as of now doesn’t think it’s possible or the right thing as he doesn’t think he can change his uncomfortable feelings about things I shared about my previous lifestyle. I used to go out a lot and party and he thinks that lifestyle is incompatible with a relationship. I don’t go out anymore as I’m far too old and just am not interested but he struggles to believe this.
Is there still hope considering he will still meet and hasn’t stopped communication. We are still kind towards each other there is no aggression but a lot of hurt.
He is sensitive and takes time to process things but a lot has happened including his divorce is in year two. When we met I had a close platonic friend whom he thinks was more - it wasn’t but he was a close childhood friend and he can’t get past the fact I was so close and that it was inappropriate considering our new relationship and how much I said I loved him. I was spending time with this friend but in a group and at the time he was still spending time with his family and didn’t disclose this as I’d get the wrong impression. This friend did have feelings for me but at the same time he was still dissolving his marriage. I was not the OW. All this happens years ago but for some reason it’s all come to a head.
We spent all weekend talking after an enormous argument and it was terribly sad but we were still very loving and kind and there is still intimacy which under the circumstances wasn’t smart.
I want to save the relationship but he is so conflicted doesn’t know what to do and veers between he’s thinks it’s doomed to not being sure what to do and will consider all I have said. Last week it was entirely the other way around I said I couldn’t do it anymore as the divorce was dragging and we do have challenges. I’m so sad but know I can’t change his mind he has to come to conclusions on his own life I’ve done. Just when I get to a place where I want to save things he doesn’t.
This is very jumbled but im struggling to gather my thoughts.
What can I do to save things.