What are your stories about misogynistic men at work?

[clairemelon]

Just that really! Hoping to make myself feel better as dealing with a vile boss at work who despite my feeling positive and jolly, reduced me to tears within a matter of minutes. This in itself has made me angry as I rarely cry and I hate that he now knows he got under my skin.
He's also slyly personal and never gives compliments.
Anyone have similar issues in the past?

Absolutely.

On me being put forward for promotion by several managers, the male directors response was "I wouldnt want a woman watering down my leadership team".

Outloud. Infront of me and those other managers who were too stunned to speak.

This was circa 2018/2019. In a large organisation.

I should add he said "its just a joke HAHAHA"

I didnt get the promotion, obviously.

Get some prawns and cellotape them under his desk . Then document everything he does and says time an date it . Hopefully you can report him to someone higher . Or a union maybe join one .

I don't have any to share but if I were you I'd be keeping a record of everything this prick does and then I'd be reporting him.

My friend suggested I record the meeting but I didn't and also didn't think that this was allowed. I wish I had now !!!

Love the prawns idea !

I've spent 20 years working on a bank trading floor - I could write a book unfortunately. The latest one, was having been the only woman on a project team testing a new piece of dealing software an external vendor was trying to sell us, the salesperson (a man), invited everyone on the test team apart from me, for 'lads Thursday beers'. One of my really lovely male colleagues forwarded the invitation on to me

Workplace 1
I worked in a technical role but we had a backlog of work so I was given the role of organising and administering the paperwork because apparently having a penis means you’re incapable of admin, obviously. That only occurred to me after the event. However, I took the administration of this project on, put the files in the database and organised the paper files in the cupboard, managed that and went back to the technical element of my job. So misogynist prick from upstairs comes to our little pod and asks useless man 1 to the left of me what he does with the paperwork. Useless man 1 says “dunno, ask InTheNight” with a point to me literally in the desk next to him. Misogynist prick doesn’t like that answer so asks useless man 2 who is a couple of desks away and misogynist prick has to walk past to get to his desk. Useless man 2 also says “dunno, ask InTheNight” with another point in my direction. Misogynist prick then asks useless man 3 the same and gets the same answer again. Then slightly less useless and slightly more senior man comes and sits back down at his desk which is to the right of mine. So misogynist prick asks slightly less useless and slightly more senior man the same question. Now this time misogynist prick is clearly expecting a proper answer because slightly more senior man and him have worked together for years! Surprise, surprise - slightly less useless and slightly more senior man says “ooo I don’t deal with that misogynist prick but InTheNight does and she’ll be able to tell you what to do”. It’s at this point of asking 4 men, who knew fuck all, that he finally asks me what he should do with the paperwork. Unfortunately I didn’t tell him that I wasn’t good enough for him until he’s exhausted all options and to fuck off, as I should have done. Instead I accepted the paperwork, opened up my database, had then filed away and was back to my technical work in 10 minutes, which is the same length of time misogynist prick spent asking useless men what to do.

Workplace 2
-multiple men implying the woman who had 2 masters degrees and spoke four languages was only hired to work at our shitty little place because she was good looking. It’s hardly surprising she took her 2 masters degrees and four languages to somewhere much better and brighter than this shitty little hole.

I'm angry for all of you!!!!!

I have a meeting with my dick head boss on Friday as he made me cry and I made a complaint. I just wonder how he will wheedle out of what I have to say. Any tips?

Is boss an arsehole with everyone

So many stories...

I remember always being referred to by the men in the office as a "girl", as opposed to a "woman".

Update your cv and ask around in your network to see who is hiring.

Have other incidents of his dickhead behaviour noted on paper when you go in.

Think up answers to possible questions in advance and note them down in bullet points.

Take notes into meeting and use them.

He will undoubtably ask you what the issue is / how you think it should be resolved. Have your answers prepared and rehearsed, so when you feel emotional itll be easier to keep the conversation productive.

If you want to take someone in to take notes, ask in advance in writing by email and make sure you share notes and any actions you gave him or vice versa by email in writing and store it. (Although he should do this, and if he tries to fob you off with 'its an informal chat' slyly follow up by email thanking him for his time to discuss x y z and youre pleased he suggested he would take a b c action).

I was once given a job by the FD of a business, who headhunted me from elsewhere. A week or two later I had a meeting with the MD, who was very surprised and taken aback to discover that yes, I did actually have some accountancy qualifications, and that no, I hadn't been offered the job because I was young, slim and blonde. Give him his due though (after a few Boris-style 'Oh, er, ah, well' stutters) he was actually all right after that.

When I started in a graduate position, in my first week I was sent out into field to shadow someone for the day. He told me I would probably go far in the role because I had a nice arse I think he genuinely thought he was paying me a compliment, but 24 year old me went home and cried.

Lots...
"We just bring you in when we need to show we hire women"
"Don't worry so much about work. You're pretty, you'll find a man to pay for you in no time"
And my personal favourite..
"You're one of those ambitious women. What a shame. If you had less attitude, I'd have asked you out by now" vom

It can happen the other way round - just my perspective from working in an all female environment. A young male student was asked to dress up as a ‘butler in the buff’ for an older female colleague. He was the sole male in a large group of females - who were all laughing. I can remember seeing his face drop to the floor, and he didn’t find it funny. He was very embarrassed.

Going to a case conference at a client's office with a male assistant and them addressing the assistant as though they were the lead and asking me to go and fetch the secretary from outside to come in to take notes too until the assistant put them straight.

I havent had behaviour like that but did realise today (when I saw a start date for a male new joiner) that the place I'm working is hiring male after male now. Cant remember the last time a female started.

Theres loads. heres a couple

Working in a techie type role and I had the most knowledge of certain procedures. One male client would always, always ask for male colleague when ringing up, even though he knew very little about this field. Male colleague eventually dealt with it by transferring him back to me every single time telling him I was the one who could help him as I was the expert in this area. You could tell he really found it hard to deal with a mere 'woman'. Questioning everything I advised him. everything.

One more extreme example.
I was very good at my job and top boss could see this. My immediate male manager resented this intensely for some reason. He would make de-meaning comments and bully me in front of other managers if he messed up and always put blame on having to work with a woman. I was 20 and not confrontational at all. He was mid forties. It then transcended into sexual harassment with him belittling and insulting me if I spurned his awful and very unwanted advances, some physical. He would say things like suggesting I should wear swimwear to a meeting so that people would actually take notice of me. And telling me he would blow my mind if I wanted to find out what a real man was. It was gross.

I eventually walked out in tears after he threw a box of files at me when I told him I would report him (for trying to touch me again). I just picked up my bag and walked out. It took every ounce of my confidence to say that and to walk out and once outside I just burst into tears, mostly from anger but probably also from relief.

Not work, martial arts. Only woman in a group of men, with a male instructor for some one off session. All black belts, including me. Instructor continually said before each drill 'you might not be able to do this, unexamined' so I shouted very loudly after each drill 'I've just done that but Billy/Joe/Mark weren't able to'. He continually apologised directly to me each time he swore until I finally snapped and called him a sexist twat and to direct his apologies for swearing to any one of his little male bitches in the line. He stared at me without being able to formulate a response for about ten seconds and then laughed his head off. One of the others in the group tried to placate me after the session by saying 'you're one of the lads' and couldn't understand why this wasn't received as a compliment!

Next time I saw this instructor he slapped my arse as he walked past me on his way into a packed session. What an absolute play for power and control. I very loudly called him out for it. Nobody jumped to my defence.

I had to take action for sexual harassment against an old boss, years ago. I couldn't stay working there, but there was no way I was going quietly.

Where do I start!!.. I work in a profession where there are a lot of women and men, so it's not too swayed towards either gender. However most of the managers are male. Anyway, i've had experiences ranging from -

sexual comments from a couple of the men, all through the shift when i've had to work alone with them

dick pics sent to me by one of my managers!!!?!!

One of my male colleagues who is employed in a lesser skilled job role than me constantly tries to override my decisions and put my job at risk

Same male colleague says demeaning things to me comparing me to younger slimmer women, trying to make me feel like crap about myself

One male colleague, same job role as me, decided he hated me because I showed confidence in one situation. He tried to be completely pedantic and be completely petty to try and put me down, he didn't like it. Friends at work witnessed him giving me dagger looks whenever I was around.

Other guys in the same job role as me have tried to make me look stupid at work my omitting important information .. standing back and watching me make the inevitable mistake..

Honestly the list is huge, these are just the ones I can think of. Misogyny in the workplace is rife, it's just become more subtle in some cases, so they can try to get away with it. As a long standing employee in a respected position as a woman i've had to learn to bat it off to a certain degree. At one point I looked into getting a secret recording device to get evidence.. but then figured the managers are so corrupt they would probably sweep it under the carpet anyway. So it's a case of putting up, shutting up or leave. I can't afford to leave..

Don't even get me started on my dating experiences!..

Oh @Swordfish1 reminded me of a couple of other examples to share;

1. i worked in a takeaway when young and at college. I was never paid the same as the young lad also employed in the same role, or what i was promised on taking on the job, but thats another issue. 1 night the other 'lad' who was in his early 20s (i was 16/17) cornered me out back and forced his hand between my legs.

I told the male boss what had happened as i was shaken up. Male boss promptly fired me on the spot for making trouble.

2. 21 and staying in a hotel on a works night away. Male letchy boss follows me back to my hotel room and tries to force his way into my room. Incident in spotted by senior male manager (manager of letchy boss) and letchy drunk boss with long tenure is led away from pinning me up against hotel room door. Back in the office a week later when senior manager is visiting our office, im called into a meeting just senior manager I and told it is too much trouble having me at the firm as letchy boss only hired me for my looks (charming) and now letchy boss is finding it hard im outperforming him (it was a sales role, i was apparently out earning letchy boss in commission), therefore it would be better if i left quietly please to save the embarrassment of an HR issue over hotel incident as letchy boss had been at firm forever blah blah. I was at the end of my 6 month probation so given 1 weeks notice and booted out. Luckily, i had another job lined up, as i wanted to get away from letchy boss anyway. I wish i had felt bolder and said something, but thats youth, i slunk out quietly in tears at the injustice of the whole situation.

I wonder how many of us older women lost our livelihoods because we had to walk out of a job due to unacceptable behaviour from males?

I walked out of 3 jobs. No man was ever called out on their behaviour.

I was once the manager of a passive aggressive misogynist who had applied for the job I got. He was, unsurprisingly, very difficult to manage and on one occasion lost his temper with me in a meeting, getting up and going out and slamming the door. I invoked the disciplinary procedure which went on his record.
Some months later, we had to make redundancies.
Guess who scored the lowest because of his disciplinary record and ended up being booted out? (And which manager had written the scoring criteria?)
Revenge is a dish best served cold.