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Original poster

Am I overreacting about work colleagues comments and laughter?

29 replies

Fightingback16 · 12/04/2021 08:04

I am a little emotionally challenged after years of abuse but yesterday I just didn’t find this funny.

We were having a bit of banter, it was getting a bit much so I said I’d had enough now. Someone had said something like she’s a MILF now and another said hardly men would need to find her attractive first. To which I was like nice....

Anyway one made a comment about me and my boyfriend. We had met in the lifting of lockdown last year, we live in the same street. I had been single for a couple of years after 10 year abusive marriage. Anyway she said it’s funny isn’t it that at the beginning of the virus you were concerned about your mum (live with her a the moment) then as soon as a piece of cock comes along suddenly you couldn’t care less. I was annoyed with this comment and said to the 2 of them and they continued to laugh.
My mum told me to go and see him because she knew him in the street and she liked him for me. She also told me to continue seeing him as she could see he made me happy. He lives on his own.

Like I said I don’t mint banter but it didn’t feel very nice. I don’t think this is very supportive. Am I being over the top.

OP posts:

fedup078 · 12/04/2021 08:10

Yeah that's not banter they're just arseholes

FelicityPike · 12/04/2021 08:12

That good Scottish word banter has been bastardised so much it’s now code for bullying!
Just like “be kind” is code for shut up woman!

Phoenix121 · 12/04/2021 08:12

You're not overreacting. They sound toxic.

Nonmaquillee · 12/04/2021 08:16

"A piece of cock came along" ??? Nobody should be talking like this in the workplace. Banter = toxic

HandsIntoTheFire · 12/04/2021 08:18

That’s bullying. No one should be speaking to anyone like that. Don’t be fobbed off with “it’s just banter” that’s not banter.

vampirethriller · 12/04/2021 08:19

That's not banter, that's bullying, you told them you'd had enough twice and they carried on at your expense.

AnyFucker · 12/04/2021 08:22

Ugh. I hope you do not consider them work friends. Just withdraw from them, they sound horrible.

Original poster

Fightingback16 · 12/04/2021 08:27

I did consider but then yesterday was a bit odd. I just said well you sound a little jealous, people only try and put down when they want what someone else has.

One said to me what do you think of yourself and I said fabulous (I was joking) and she says hardly...it’s not funny really.

OP posts:

HandsIntoTheFire · 12/04/2021 08:29

OP. These are not your friends. There is nothing friendly here. Please don’t make the age-old mistake of hanging out with people who are cruel to you because you believe they are friends really. They’re not. Life is too short.

picklemewalnuts · 12/04/2021 08:29

That's spiteful. Depending on the workplace, I'd consider raising it as an issue, and asking that conversation be limited to professional discussions.

EarthSight · 12/04/2021 08:30

Yeah, not acceptable. I think this is not so much banter as it us your colleagues laughing together at your expense. They're pathetic.

Zesting · 12/04/2021 08:33

They sound like utter arseholes, but you can't sit with them while they're being horrible to your co workers and then be shocked when they're horrible to you.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 12/04/2021 08:34

Christ they sound like they need to be back in school! WTF is wrong with them?! Are they very young and stupid ?

There really is no excuse for that kind of bitchiness. It's not funny, it's just nasty and bullying.

Was this in front of anyone else? I'd consider making a complaint TBH but I know it depends on your management how it would be handled. But if I was your line manager I'd be coming down on this HARD. Not least because if they're like this to your face, they will almost certainly be shit at customer service as well.

Sally872 · 12/04/2021 08:35

Not friends at all. Distance yourself. Polite working relationship is all I would want from these people.

CallmeHendricks · 12/04/2021 08:37

I can "banter" with the best of them, but this is very unpleasant and bullying behaviour.
I don't blame you for being upset about it.

Phrenologist · 12/04/2021 08:38

What on earth kind of work environment is this??? Is this what the ‘conversation’ is usually like, with different people being the target, or is it only you?

HandsIntoTheFire · 12/04/2021 08:38

I’m actually quite sure that making disparaging remarks about your sex life is sexual harassment.

sadie9 · 12/04/2021 08:41

I am wondering do you work in an almost all male environment and for years do you feel you are trying to fit in by being considered one of the lads? By going along with male banter by certain characters there that peddle 'humour' that degrades women?
I'm saying this because the conversations you have at work don't seem like normal work banter.

LolaSmiles · 12/04/2021 08:43

The two people taking the mick on the MILF thing is between them. Unless I've misunderstood, it wasn't with reference to you, they were fine with it, so telling them you've had enough of it seems off to me.

However, bringing you into it and continuing to laugh after you've said you're annoyed is arsehole behaviour.

LolaSmiles · 12/04/2021 08:46

Just to check:
We were having a bit of banter, it was getting a bit much so I said I’d had enough now. Someone had said something like she’s a MILF now and another said hardly men would need to find her attractive first. To which I was like nice....
Were these two people talking about one of them being a MILF, or talking about you being a MILF?

If it was the latter then they're 100% being arseholes and ignore half my last reply.

Original poster

Fightingback16 · 12/04/2021 08:50

They were saying I am not a milf because to be a milf you have to be attractive.

OP posts:

StormBaby · 12/04/2021 08:52

I worked somewhere like this for two years and it’s soul destroying. It’s definitely bullying

IntermittentParps · 12/04/2021 09:07

Write down all these instances and take them to HR/union/ACAS.

LolaSmiles · 12/04/2021 09:10

Thats disgusting OP. They're out of order.

When I first read it, I understood it as 2 people were talking about being a MILF and then they started with the unpleasant comments to you. Sorry for misunderstanding.

What sort of workplace is it where that's normalised?

GCAcademic · 12/04/2021 09:10

Your workplace sounds absolutely toxic. What a bunch of vile bullies.

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