Unrequited crush age 42 *cringe*

[Xztop]

Ok, so I know how ridiculous this sounds but I have no one to talk to about it and quite frankly, I am devastated...

I was with my husband for 15 years but the last 12 he barely noticed I was alive, we split last year. I think this is the reason for my actions...
In october I messaged a man in prison in america, just as I penpal. He was 13 years younger than me. He made me feel AMAZING! So full of compliments, lovely, lovely personality. I had a huge crush but never dared mention it. After a few weeks he said he had feelings for me. I said it would never work but he sweet talked me round. We soon started saying we loved each other. We spoke on the phone every day, had video visits, messaged each other constantly. Then he dumped me. Out of the blue. Said it wouldn't work as we lived in different countries. This was 3 months ago. I still feel devastated. I have since found out he is in another relationship with another english lady. One his own age this time. It really hurts. I feel so ridiculous and such a loser for feeling like this....
I'm not sure what I want anyone to say but thanks if you made it this far.

Put that energy into someone deserving of your attentions. You have a capacity to love and be loved. Perhaps consider counselling as to why you perused this romantic relationship? Maybe this can be a turning point for you to get the proper relationship you deserve

Don't be so hard on yourself...you know what they say..go big or go home lol. I agree with previous poster....put that energy into someone more deserving 💐

What is he in prison for..? 😬
Let the situation go.

It's hard op when someone makes you feel amazing.
I started talking with someone online last year. It turns out he's 9 years younger than me. I didn't know right away. He filled my head with compliments, made me feel amazing, telling me I was beautiful. Anyway he was just love bombing me. By this time I was hooked, he said he loved me etc. It didn't take long for the devaluation to start.
He texted me this morning said something that upset me and I bit back. I got the usual shall I leave you to it? Not sorry. I sent a long message saying how much he means to me, I can't wait to see him again, how he keeps me going etc and I hate it when we fall out. All I got back was we haven't fallen out. I didn't answer because it hurts that he didn't acknowledge anything else. I've not heard from him since. I need to face the fact that me and him are nothing. I understand where your coming from op. I'm sorry for dumping my story on here I'm just feeling absolutely gutted.

God, don't be that person who messages men on death row or whatever! Remember that their crimes are often against women and sexual in nature. Or they're murderers

Just move on - with counselling may be to explore why you'd write to someone who's in prison.

You are 42, not 15... but equally not yet too old to meet a regular normal man who is not in prison and wants a real relationship.
Not sure what makes you want to look for pen pals who are incarcerated - as charity maybe?
But really. You weren’t in a relationship with him, and neither is he in a relationship with some other English woman. He is bored and behind bars. When he gets out - he’ll go back to his own life and hopefully stay out of trouble. But none of that leads to the U.K.

You need to snap out of dreamland and start figuring out your real life. And get on Tinder or something. Can’t do worse than an overseas convict on there, I think.

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000sj8x
Criminals in US prisons are not allowed to have phones. How did you do video calls?

(Mobile phones, that is.)

Think OP has been booted off the 'I shagged the groom' thread and is back with version 2.0.

I was thinking something very similar...

Thanks for all your comments. I did say it was ridiculous but sadly I cant help how I feel!
He wasnt a murderer or anything like that he did some very silly things when he was a teenager and ended up in there.
Ps. Prisons in america have video visits now as face to face visits have been stopped due to Covid.

OP - if this real - get help.
How you feel is in desperate need to have someone, anyone really - saying you things that you want to hear. This isn’t healthy.
If you at your age can really believe words that you hear from a man stuck behind bars on a other continent - you really need to examine why you are so desperate.
Please - find a counsellor.

Yeah, like that happened.
People bored on a Sunday night or what?

OP, I had a friend who started up a penpal relationship with a man in prison in America. She was married and her dh found the letters which were more than just friendly. Her dh asked her to stop the correspondence but she divorced him instead. Is still having 'romance' with this guy, who does indeed phone her, and even sends presents. He's in prison for murder of a woman.

My friend thinks he's innocent and been wrongly convicted.

I assume she enjoys the flattery etc, but hoping she'll meet someone in her own country who is not locked up!

I am sorry you have been hurt, but it could never have been a real relationship, no matter what your age. Why not join some online dating agencies/websites and try to find someone unincarcerated? You sound like a lovely person so I hope you find someone.

@somethingonthecarpet

OP, I had a friend who started up a penpal relationship with a man in prison in America. She was married and her dh found the letters which were more than just friendly. Her dh asked her to stop the correspondence but she divorced him instead. Is still having 'romance' with this guy, who does indeed phone her, and even sends presents. He's in prison for murder of a woman.

My friend thinks he's innocent and been wrongly convicted.

I assume she enjoys the flattery etc, but hoping she'll meet someone in her own country who is not locked up!

I am sorry you have been hurt, but it could never have been a real relationship, no matter what your age. Why not join some online dating agencies/websites and try to find someone unincarcerated? You sound like a lovely person so I hope you find someone.

Thank you sotc for being so kind. I know nothing could ever have come of it, that's why I feel so stupid I was taken in by it all! I I hope your friend finds someone here too. I'm off men for the foreseeable future! I need time by myself I think x

Please learn a lesson from this disaster. You've had a lucky escape, but you really need to be more discerning in future.

Hmm.

I have a vair vair strong feelz about this Fred.

It sounds a LOT like the lady who shagged her nephew in law to be in front of a fire the night before a weddin.

(Potters off to report to MNHQ).

If I were you I’d cancel the cheque

So

My question is

Are these trolls.

Or are these wannabe Mills and Boons writers who know they are shite.

Are they both.

@Navigationcentral just thinking the same or there's some 42 year olds going through some serious mid life crisis I wonder if it's the same one, makes an interesting read though...

I don't think it was necessarily that you had deep feelings for him but more to do with the fact that your ex ignored you for years so the attention and adoration was irresistible.
I reckon you have dodged a bullet as this guy could have potentially been very dangerous.
Seems to me you are very vulnerable at the minute so best you take time to build your own confidence and channel your energy into your own well being before trying to meet someone through more practical channels such as clubs, groups or online dating etc

Navigationcentral, I think OP has NC from Elaine Figgis and her beau is Jeremiah Wainwright III ( or as the media have dubbed him 'The Cleaver').

I also think this is a made up story!

People don't go to jail for doing silly things. They go to prison because they have committed a crime.

Also it must have been fairly serious silly things he did to have gone in there as a teen and still be in now!