DP never lived on his own

[dinowheel]

I've been with my DP for around a year and a half. We've started having conversations about moving in together at some point towards the end of the year. However something is niggling at me and I'm not sure if I'm being unfair.

DP has never lived on his own. He was at home until his late 20s, then moved in with his ex (her house), then when they separated he moved back home. It was supposed to be temporary but he's still there 4 years later. He's now mid 30s.

It's just his Mum at home. I've asked why he never got his own place as his childhood home was only supposed to be for a few months until he got on his feet and he said it's financial reasons.

I am worried that if we moved in together he wouldn't pull his weight or have any idea about house 'admin' as he's never had to do any of that.

Am I just being unfair or could this potentially end up being a disaster?

@Aquamarine1029

Sorry, massive red flags for me. Bad with money, no motivation, no desire to live independently, and a child to contend with. What a keeper.

You can do far better than this.

Exactly. You can see this being a disaster at some point down the line. It's always been a wonder to me how some perfectly intelligent women don't engage their brain and just ignore blatant red flags to instead waste time on all these types of men.

If he's been at home for four years he should have huge savings. Imagine how much you've spent on your mortgage payments / rent for the past 4 years; where's all his money gone?

I think you'd need to have a serious conversation about wifework, cleaning and house administration before committing, and then if/when he moves in it should be on a trial basis with a proper lodger agreement.

Him having a child would be off-putting too, assuming you're childfree. It's one thing to have a lover move in to your quiet sanctuary, quite another to have his child there too a few days a week, with all the mess and noise kids bring.

There could be problems with you living on your own. You might be used to being independent and struggle to share a house and not have your own space.
What I'm trying to say there is no set answer.

It may be a difficulty for whatever situation you're in.
I think he's sensible . He was keeping his mum company, less bills etc.
Don't let this stop you moving forward with him . Have a chat together about how it's going to work.

Huge risk but the only way you will know for sure is either ask him to move out for a while and rent independently, or move in together.

Personally I'd go for it but with absolutely no ties together - rental only, keep your own place if you have one, be ready for it not to work, and it's a bonus if it does.

Give it a year for him to show his colours, so you know it's not just best behaviour.
Fingers crossed!

I agree with the others. If you're going to move him in with you make sure he understands he's "on approval". 90 days to try before you buy so to speak