Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Told off

43 replies

Cleanup008 · 10/04/2021 11:32

I am a 31 year old woman and I still get told off by my parents. What's worse is it's always infront of my dc.

This has now resulted in dc telling tales on me for the tiniest of things.

OP posts:

Orgasmagorical · 10/04/2021 11:39

What are they telling you off for? Apart from that how is your relationship with them?

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/04/2021 11:41

You might need to give a bit more detail.

pog100 · 10/04/2021 11:42

I suspect there will be a back story, but why can't you stand up to them, tell them you are a grown woman who can make her own decisions, and mistakes, and to just fuck off? If they don't take it well, go no contact.

TheWaif · 10/04/2021 11:43

Yeah I'm not sure what you're talking about. Tell you off about what? How do they 'tell you off'? Why do you let them if you're a grown adult? Why haven't you told your children categorically not to dare tell tales on you again?

whatnow47 · 10/04/2021 11:43

Please research boundaries. You have likely never been taught healthy boundaries by your parents so you need to work on that. There is loads of information out there now so we need to educate ourselves but you have to work hard on it when it doesn't come naturally to us.

Please sheild your children from this as it is really damaging to them to witness their mum being disrespected by anyone let alone family members.

Does your mother offer anything positive in your life?

DancesWithCatsnDogs · 10/04/2021 11:47

My Mum still tells me off, for minor things, but it's water off a ducks back, lol. Sounds like there's more to it with you. Is it unnecessary do you feel? Is she harsh? Does she tell everyone off? I'd just tell her to stop doing it, you're an adult, not perfect and definitely stop doing it in front of the kids as it undermines your authority.

Pupster21 · 10/04/2021 11:48

“You do know I’m an adult Mum/Dad?”

PricklesAndSpikes · 10/04/2021 11:50

It depends what they are telling you off for and how your relationship is in general. My mum still tells me off for leaving the house with wet hair! Water off a ducks back...

FatCatThinCat · 10/04/2021 11:50

I still tell my 28 year old daughter off if needs be. Who else will tell her she's being a dick if not her mum?

TheWaif · 10/04/2021 11:53

@FatCatThinCat

I still tell my 28 year old daughter off if needs be. Who else will tell her she's being a dick if not her mum?

That's not telling someone off though is it?

StephenBelafonte · 10/04/2021 11:56

Agree with Fat Cat. I still tell my three 20 something kids off if they deserve it. Whats more, if I tell them off, they KNOW they deserve it!

MaMaD1990 · 10/04/2021 12:00

I know I'm in hot water with my parents when they tell me to sit on the sofa because they need a 'chat' accompanied with a stern face. Cue knot in stomach whilst I wait to be told I've disappointed them in some way. I'm in my thirties!

TheWaif · 10/04/2021 12:01

@MaMaD1990

What on earth?!

MaMaD1990 · 10/04/2021 12:05

@TheWaif Haha its not as bad as it sounds. No matter how old I am I'll always get worried if I've upset my parents - especially with the 'we aren't happy' look. Yikes.

romdowa · 10/04/2021 12:13

I'd be telling my parents to mind their own business. Not a hope would I stand for them "telling me off"

Aprilshowersandhail · 10/04/2021 12:15

One of the reasons I have been nc for best part of 20 years..

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 10/04/2021 12:18

Mine do as well, I'm 60 years old. recently it was about putting a plasterboard wall up in my house.
WE live opposite wends of the country or I'd go mad and I don't visit very often.

Original poster

Cleanup008 · 10/04/2021 12:20

In all honesty it could be for anything. Out of all my siblings I am the only one that's get told off or told what to do. I have never felt like an adult or a decent mother.

I hate my life and to be honest if i didnt have children I wouldn't be here.

OP posts:

GrumpyHoonMain · 10/04/2021 12:21

I think you need to stop bringing your kids over. Just say you’re busy if pressed. Your kids also need to know that you and they are a team and family - not the GPs. You need to really create boundaries with them.

MaMaD1990 · 10/04/2021 12:23

Oh that sounds horrid OP. I'm assuming there is quite a back story here. If you don't like how your parents treat you, some space or assertion of your expectations from them may be in order. And pick your kids up on their behaviour towards you, that you can control. I'm sorry you're not in a good place at the moment. Have you anyone to lean on for support? Have you thought about contacting your GP?

Pupster21 · 10/04/2021 12:23

I’m a big believer that the people in your life should be a positive force, it sounds like they’re bringing you down. Cut back on seeing them, no one needs that negaivity, focus on yourself and remind yourself what a great mother you are.

whatnow47 · 10/04/2021 12:32

@Cleanup008 I hear you. When people are raised in otherwise healthy environments, the occasional ticking off is somewhat acceptable and just the order of things. When you have been raised by overly critical parents just a look is enough to make us feel worthless and distressed. The outside world doesn't always get it which means we don't always address the problem in early adulthood. We just accept it.

Its not okay to be told off by your mother in front of your children. Even if it was a healthy relationship that is not okay.

jessstan2 · 10/04/2021 12:35

@Cleanup008

In all honesty it could be for anything. Out of all my siblings I am the only one that's get told off or told what to do. I have never felt like an adult or a decent mother.

I hate my life and to be honest if i didnt have children I wouldn't be here.

Have you spoken to your parents about this, Cleanup? I understand how demoralising their behaviour is for you and it isn't doing your children any favours either.

I used to be told off by my mother sometimes too, in front of others, and found it acutely embarrassing. I told her it was inappropriate and if she had something to say to me, she should do it in private. She learned. I never told mine off in front of anybody, no matter how young.

If your parents continue to do this, see them less often. You need to surround yourself with people who will affirm you, not bring you down.

Mylovelyhorsee · 10/04/2021 12:38

I’m sorry to hear you feel this way. How is your life if you don’t see your parents? Could cutting them out help?

LavenderLollies · 10/04/2021 12:48

[quote MaMaD1990]@TheWaif Haha its not as bad as it sounds. No matter how old I am I'll always get worried if I've upset my parents - especially with the 'we aren't happy' look. Yikes.[/quote]
That’s pretty sad and really disturbing :(

Flip

1 2