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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Cheating partner wants to move back in

42 replies

Ihae · 10/04/2021 10:21

Is there anyone that can advise on this? A and B are married. B cheated, got caught and was asked to leave then moved in with affair partner. B is now saying they want to move back in and there’s nothing A can do to stop them. There are kids involved and A is Sahp (and carer for one of the kids). The house is jointly owned - is there anything A can do to stop this happening?? A believes this would be damaging for the kids who are already very upset and confused and would obviously be bad for A too as they are still coming to terms with the end of a long and, what they considered to be happy, marriage.

I am neither A or B. I would really appreciate any advice from people in the know, or anyone that’s experienced this before.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ihae · 10/04/2021 11:15

Bumping this as I’m really not having much luck with google!

OP posts:
TheUndoingProject · 10/04/2021 11:18

Honestly? I’d tell A to change the locks sharpish. Regardless of the legalities it will be much easier to keep B out and force him/her to go the legal route.

EdinaMonsoon · 10/04/2021 11:22

Is B still with the affair partner? Or is B saying that they want to move back in and start again with A? Or is B saying that they want to return to the family home but live separately?

In any of those scenarios the answer from me would be a firm no. Legally, I'm not sure. But surely if B continues in this manner it could constitute harassment of A and they can make a case to the police?

Pegsonstrings · 10/04/2021 11:24

Husband has moved out of the family home. He cannot just move himself back in. Seek legal advice ASAP on the house part. Hope someone more knowledgeable will give you advice on the house front.

He CANNOT just demand you take him back. He sounds abusive just demanding it after putting his family through that.

ladywithnomanors · 10/04/2021 11:25

My friend was in this position. Cheating DH refusing to leave marital home. Legally she couldn’t force him to leave. Eventually he went completely psycho and she got a restraining order against him so he had to leave.

Orgasmagorical · 10/04/2021 11:33

I don't know the law elsewhere but in Scotland it is legal, if the house is still in joint ownership. If he was abusive A can contact Women's Aid for advice, if he's being disruptive the police.

A really needs to see a solicitor to at least have a Separation Agreement drawn up ASAP.

Original poster
Ihae · 10/04/2021 11:34

B is saying there is no longer a relationship with affair partner and they are just living with them as there is no where else to go. B has suggested they would like to try again with A which I think is what A would like deep down. However it’s now become clear B just wants to move back in and has no interest in the relationship anymore so this is not an option.

I think B wants to keep family life but might also want to have Affair partner on the side too.

What should A do if B just makes their way back into the house while they're out?

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 10/04/2021 11:36

Husband has moved out of the family home. He cannot just move himself back in.

Of course he can, if the house is jointly owned or rented. He is perfectly entitled to move back into his own property. Your mate needs legal advice and possibly she might be able to get an occupation order as the sahp, but there is no reason her partner can’t move back in. Possibly easier to sell up and take shares of the equity.

Original poster
Ihae · 10/04/2021 11:40

The problem is B won’t sell up. B wants back in the house and to buy A out. A is standing firm and that’s why B is now suggesting moving back.

House is fully kitted out for disabled child which A is carer for so moving would not be easy.

OP posts:
Orgasmagorical · 10/04/2021 11:42

A needs to see a solicitor.

Original poster
Ihae · 10/04/2021 11:45

A is worried about the cost of solicitors. A gave up work to become full time carer of disabled child as B was higher earner.

OP posts:
pog100 · 10/04/2021 11:51

Since they are married i think she should instigate divorce. The children's needs are paramount on division of assets and I think either A would remain in the house or get enough assets to kit out another house? One way or another there seems to be a need for legal intervention. As I understand it, as joint owner he always has right of access, but as it has become her home and he has been living elsewhere he may not have the right to live there? I may be very wrong on that and there needs to be some serious work done on formalising this situation.

canigooutyet · 10/04/2021 11:52

Suggest that A looks at all their financial stuff to see what has legal advice tacked on. Insurance, bank accounts etc.
And maybe ask MN to repost this in legal rather than relationships

StephenBelafonte · 10/04/2021 11:59

Just change the locks. It will take him 6 month in court and cost him £3k in fees to get a key and and all you have to do is change it again the next day.

caringcarer · 10/04/2021 12:42

I would change locks and file for divorce immediately. This is what I actually did. I told DH if he moved back on I would move out into hotel with children and it would come out of joint account money. Any debt I had to put on credit card would end up as shared debt. He checked with a solicitor and was advised better if he found flat until divorce settlement once marital home sold.

Superstardjs · 10/04/2021 12:47

He is entitled to move back in and if the locks were to be changed he can simply call a locksmith out to gain access to his own home. I appreciate A is concerned about the cost of legal support, but she does not really have much option.

Wanderlusto · 10/04/2021 13:06

A needs to see a solicitor about forcing a sale.
In the mean time she can change the locks. B will just be able to call a locksmith if he so wishes as it's still his home but it might slow him down.

If I was A I would contact his parents and tell them what's being going on. Shame him.

Alternatively (and this isnt for everyone but) I would share what he has done on social media and that he has had the cheek to suggest moving back in.

I know it not ideal to air ones dirty laundry in public but often the only way to stop his kind doing things like moving back home is if they think people that have opinions that matter to them - will judge them.

It might put him off moving back in if everyone tells him he has a cheek to even consider it.

A needs to get out of that property asap. B doesnt get to say no to selling if it is joint owned.

Myotherusernamewastakenagain · 10/04/2021 13:09

Why is everyone saying A is a she and B is a he? OP has been very clear saying "they".

Berthatydfil · 10/04/2021 13:14

The resident might be able go to court to get an occupation order. They should get legal advice but if the other person left and has somewhere else to live then they don’t need to move back.
Also if they are sure the relationship is over and don’t wish to reconcile irrespective of the other persons wishes then they should take steps to end the marriage and start divorce proceedings.

However I suggest they get legal advice on all of this.

Original poster
Ihae · 10/04/2021 13:17

Thank you - some of these replies have given me a lot to think about. I just want to help make sure things don’t turn nasty (particularly for the kids) and A really doesn’t have many people to turn to

OP posts:
Wanderlusto · 10/04/2021 13:21

Things are already nasty. War has bloodshed one way or another and someone speaking to A like B is...its clear B is at war with A whether A likes or or not. So time to fight fire with fire.

HadEnoughofOtherThreads · 10/04/2021 13:24

A needs to change the locks urgently, get legal advice ASAP, file for divorce and be prepared to shame B to family, friends and on social media if need be.

The cheek of B to demand to move back in!

Theunamedcat · 10/04/2021 13:25

A needs an occupation order

VettiyaIruken · 10/04/2021 13:34

A needs legal advice. The law isn't concerned with the fairness or morality of infidelity. If B has a legal right to be in the home then A needs to use the law to change that.

I would expect the court may agree that as A is the primary carer plus the home is adapted for their disabled child that it is their best interests for A to remain in the home with the children but he really needs proper help. He could start with the cab perhaps.

Budsey · 10/04/2021 19:25

Legal advice as soon as ........Womens aid will also help and sign post ..
the child will be the main consideration ,,,,the A person isn't there to keep house for the B person while they find themselves ! they can stay with the affair !?....sounds really abusive and entitled to me ...Bs really comfortable and secure on the premise that they have the audacity to want to move back in ? are they looking to do this full time or to keep a foot in the door whilst they have a free life ?cant stop the sale of the house if this is what A wants.. nothing to stop B from going off again ..! but some judges may agree for the home to be available until the child reaches the age of 18yrs but this is a complex one due to the needs of the child ....so A feels vulnerable due to finance and the housing ......A needs to get cracking and get the legal advice /divorce as soon as ..... 1/2 hour free for solicitors advice...
and let go of B.... wouldn't be surprising if Bs already got legal advice ?
hence the wanting to move back in to the house trying a fast one me thinks ! good luck !

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