Cheating partner wants to move back in

[Ihae]

Is there anyone that can advise on this? A and B are married. B cheated, got caught and was asked to leave then moved in with affair partner. B is now saying they want to move back in and there’s nothing A can do to stop them. There are kids involved and A is Sahp (and carer for one of the kids). The house is jointly owned - is there anything A can do to stop this happening?? A believes this would be damaging for the kids who are already very upset and confused and would obviously be bad for A too as they are still coming to terms with the end of a long and, what they considered to be happy, marriage.

I am neither A or B. I would really appreciate any advice from people in the know, or anyone that’s experienced this before.

@StephenBelafonte

Just change the locks. It will take him 6 month in court and cost him £3k in fees to get a key and and all you have to do is change it again the next day.

Naughty, but I would also suggest this!

Get the divorce going and a court is likely to put the needs of the children first.

Urgently change the lock, file for divorce, and serve B with divorce papers.
A needs to do it to sort out temporary financial support.

As it says partner, assume not married.

I would seek legal advice. Irrelevant of cost at least to know legalities.

No idea why sex has to be hidden mn do not like people who have affairs regardless of gender

Changing the locks is generally ill-advised, and (as others have said) he'd be entitled to break in if you do.

www.watson-thomas.co.uk/help-and-advice/28-help-and-advice-separation/185-i-have-separated-from-my-partner-can-i-change-the-locks#:~:text=If%20the%20property%20is%20jointly,entitled%20to%20change%20the%20locks.

@Starlightstarbright1

As it says partner, assume not married.

I would seek legal advice. Irrelevant of cost at least to know legalities.

No idea why sex has to be hidden mn do not like people who have affairs regardless of gender

Its the second sentence in OP "A and B are married".

Starlight - the first sentence states they’re married. I’m not mentioning gender as I don’t want to include too much detail.

Budsey I’m sooo sure B has had legal advice and has been told to try to get back in the house.

The whole situation is so messed up. I don’t understand how someone can cheat, destroy their spouse/kids whole world and then expect to be the one that gets to stay.

I was B in this scenario once. I had left A, moved into my mother's flat which she sub-let to me as she'd got a live-in job. My new partner went back to his parents, and my mother then decided to leave her job and wanted her flat back. A had started divorce proceedings but was dragging his heels on the financial settlement. I moved back in, A got legal advice to try and kick me out and was told as I was on the mortgage, he couldn't. A finally accepted the financial agreement and I moved out the day I got the money.

That was 30 years ago, I don't think the law has changed since.

Noirchatsdeux - surely if you’re going to be sneaky and then leave someone it’s your responsibility to sort yourself out and not inflict yourself on the person you’ve already hurt?

I know legally/financially the house was yours too but from a moral point of view it sucks.

@Ihae At the time I left I had a good job and was able to support myself. A month after leaving I had a serious accident and was unable to work in my physical job...I was claiming SSP which didn't even cover the rent.

My stbxH wasn't that hurt, he had a new girlfriend less than 2 weeks after I left. I'm pretty sure it had started about 3 months beforehand...
It was my solicitor who suggested moving back as a way of accelerating the financial settlement/divorce. It worked, and he got the house and I got the tiny amount of equity in it at the time (this was early 90s, long before the housing boom). He'd got it for £24K from his grandmother, when he sold it 5 years later he got £90K.

As a previous poster said, the law isn't concerned about the morals of a situation.

The house is jointly owned and the law doesn't care if he cheated or not Im afraid.

I've only heard of someone literally not being allowed to move back into a jointly owned house where there is a non mol order in place after abuse is reported and the non mol granted.

If he's just a prick who cheated, there's no legal reason for removing him from a jointly owned home. Don't change the locks, it's asking for trouble and if he's nasty it gives him a reason in his eyes to escalate that.

He could I guess even claim parental alienation if you won't allow him into his jointly owned home to see his children?

I'm not saying what is morally right or wrong, just what I believe to be legally true. Pushing for a sale is in the best interest of the kids I think as this dynamic sounds so unhealthy all round.

youvegottenminuteslynn - I suppose in that case we can only hope B decides not to come back. I think a house sale will be the very last option as they have had major works done to accommodate the disability of the child. A is being incredibly accommodating with allowing access to the children at the moment which is all by email and B has regular access so I’m hoping parental alienation couldn’t be claimed?

noirchatsdeux - the law doesn’t care about the morals and neither does B evidentially. B is in ‘poor me’ mode and trying to come up with reasons why what they’ve done isn’t that bad. It’s disheartening to see yourself, even after all these years, still in this mindset. Makes me realise B will never accept accountability.

A can't stop B moving back into the house

They could stop them moving back in to the bed though.

Get a solicitor

B can legally move back in. Amicable only works if both parties are open to being that way. A needs to speak to a lawyer and she needs to buckle up because it’s going to be a bumpy ride.

@lhae You assume that my exH hadn't cheated before...he had. We'd got past that, and he started up with the new girl...at that point I thought what was good for the goose was good for the gander. I was the one who decided to end the charade of a marriage and move out. Luckily there were no children involved. Who do what to whom didn't change the fact that we both owed the property and were both entitled to live there until the disposition of the property was settled.

I was willing to take a huge hit money-wise and not have it drag on for years...I also didn't want to have to make the exH sell the house he'd bought from his grandmother, even though I would have got more money if I'd waited just a year. The cost was worth it to get rid of him.

B has said they are moving back in and there’s nothing A can do about it. Legal advice has confirmed there’s nothing that will stop it. It’s going to be so odd for those poor children to have to deal with - B tells them they’re leaving to be with someone else one minute the next they move back in?? B says it will be best for the children but it’s just going to confuse them and add uncertainty. It’s also not a long term solution as B will need to share a bedroom with one of the kids. So what happens then? Will B try to force A out or will B move out again and break the kids hearts again??

I know no one on here will have an answer I’m just absolutely furious and so worried about those kids. B is still very much with affair partner.

A says "The whole situation is so messed up. I don’t understand how someone can cheat, destroy their spouse/kids whole world and then expect to be the one that gets to stay."

But deep down A may want to get back together with B? But B doesn't actually want to get back together with A? This is the part that worries me as it sounds like A is already struggling and could be easily manipulated by B.

I really hope A gets some really good support from family & friends as well as good legal advice. A deserves so much better

Sorry, I mis-read this and thought you were A @Ihae
It's a shame A would still consider getting back with B but it sounds like A has great support and someone looking our for his well-being