Grandmother dilemma- How to cope?

[PlanxyDavis]

How do I cope and calmly explain I can’t talk about this anymore? Or more specifically, don’t want to listen to it.

I’ve had to go to her house at a desperate last resort for personal reasons (we’ve all been jabbed if that eases anyone’s minds).

Since we arrived on Thursday, I’ve heard nothing but news and stories about a particular couple. I think we all know who!

She won’t stop talking about it. Every other sentence is about them. She absolutely despises them. I was asked to remove some tabs from her phone for her as her mobile was being really slow. I kid you not, 30+ tabs open with Google searched of this couple.

Do I just suck this up because it’s her house? I feel terrible but I can’t continue to listen like I do. I’m drained of the topic.

How do I handle this sensitively? She’s clearly extremely passionate (if misunderstood and a bit infatuated). It’s been this way for well over a year now but it’s only getting worse.

Tricky! It’s her house so apart from gently suggesting other topics and going out as much as possible, I’m not sure there’s much you can do. Say you have a headache?
Or try to reframe how you feel about it so it doesn’t bother you so much.... Maybe she hasn’t had anyone to talk to for a while and deserves some sympathy? Maybe she doesn’t have much else to talk about and is filling the gaps in conversation? Or be grateful that although it’s annoying, at least m she’s not banging on about you and your situation as some grandmothers would?
Or perhaps stick your earbuds in and listen to music / audiobook / podcast and give some kind of reason why it’s urgent to listen to it.
Good luck anyway - how long will you be there for?

Choc Thank you, I’m here until Monday. She’s otherwise a very kind person but she is very set in her views and seems a bit, ahem, misguided.

When she speaks about this couple, particularly the woman, it’s often like she’s spitting venom. The deep hatred is astonishing.

It’s hard as I’m here with my son but he is disabled so cannot leave him really to do something different. We’re just in the living room for most of the day. I can’t go out with him alone (I have broken bones)

Which couple?

Harry and Meghan

I think all you can do when she starts on about it is just to nod in a vague way and say that you don't care much, don't know much about them, and then change the subject. People do get a bee in their bonnet about things and it can get boring - all you can do is try and control how much it bothers you. I'm sorry, it's such a boring topic! Maybe get her distracted telling old family stories or something, or teaching you family recipes. Or does she have any hobbies? Play scrabble? Anything to make clear that you don't give any headspace to random people who aren't family, aren't affecting you, whom you never met and live in another country now!

X The ‘live in another country now!’ Made me

My Nan would quickly say ‘YEAH, and wanting all of US AND HER POOR MAJESTY TO PAY FOR IT’

I best not rock the boat and just keep nodding, smiling and trying to change the subject. I’m not sure how she can speak and think of them so much, as I say it’s got worse in the last year

Just put on the rolling dead Phillip coverage for her, that'll change the subject (might be worse though!)

Yes but she'll think that's Meghan's fault too

I think as it's her house you can't say too much.

I find this obsession rather odd though. Why are people so invested in what H&M are doing? Have they nothing else to think about? The hatred from some people towards them is really unpleasant tbh. I can see why they left!

Well she doesn’t think Meghan caused it but thinks Meghan would’ve added to the Queen’s distress and cause further issues.

She also predicts she will stop Harry from coming to England for the funeral, and threaten divorce if Harry goes anyway

But why do these people even care? Piers Morgan seems obsessed about them too.

My aunt is exactly the same. I usually cut her off with one of the following statements;

1. I’m not a fan of any of the royal family so there’s no point talking to me about this topic.
2. You spend far too much time thinking and talking about this - I suggest you find yourself a hobby that is more meaningful and will make you happy.
3. You should be very careful about who can hear you when you make statements like this - you’re coming across as very racist.

I don’t deviate from these lines. I don’t discuss them any further, I don’t engage in a two-way discussion any other than those comments, and if she tries, I leave the room - loo, fag outside, corner shop, TV, whatever. I am republican and do not believe in a constitutional monarchy, but the hatred my aunt has for Meghan Markle is breathtaking.

You dont need to listen to racist claptrap in anyone's house. Unless she's got dementia she can control what she says so make it clear you dont want to hear it and leave the room.

I think older folks do obsess about things when they have little else to think about. Someone above mentions racism but i’m not sure that was stated in any of the posts.

I think all you can do is try and change the subject. Harry & Meghan will soon be forgot until the day he returns...

Lots of random things my Nan says. Such as ‘I wouldn’t put it past Meghan to pay someone to get Archie kidnapped, so she can get ransom money from the Queen’.

And ‘Archie is a different child every time you see him. He isn’t living there with them. They’re pulling a blinder’

Sorry, I’m getting just as bad now as my Nan, repeating this

My personal favourite though ‘Meghan isn’t pregnant. Did you see her in the chicken pen? Nobody can crouch that far down pregnant’

But she swears she’s never seen the Oprah interview, saying ‘I won’t watch that shit show’. Insisting they blackmailed Oprah into doing the interview otherwise they’d spread lies about her to the press

It can be particularly annoying and grate on one nerves but to a large extent your probably best off to remain neutral.
As generations edge forward the royals and religion are becoming less and less relevant. Younger people just don't care about them in the same way.

sweaty that's awful that there is such hatred for someone she has never met and has no real impact on her life.

Plenty of daily walks perhaps? By yourself?

It is really up to you how much of this you listen to. When she starts up you can walk away, you can head out for a walk, you can busy yourself with your child, you can take a shower, you can get something out and pretend to read. What you cannot do is control what comes out of her mouth so I wouldn’t even bother to try. It is really hard listening to someone spout out nonsense but think of it as a way to practice patience. You sound like a saint by the way because my answer would be to set limits on the time I spend in her company.

The OP has broken bones! She can't just go out for a walk.

Well given those examples I'm afraid I'd be going down the route of "You're talking utter shite Nan ha ha ha ha ha - you don't really believe that do you?" followed by a bewildered shake of the head and a smile.
I suspect she'd find that intolerable and it would make her think twice. Could be wrong, obvs.

You dont need to listen to racist claptrap in anyone's house. Unless she's got dementia she can control what she says so make it clear you dont want to hear it and leave the room.
Another one who thinks every criticism of MM must be racist. Not true.

My mother used to be lonely, everytime I spoke on the phone or visited she would tell the same stories over and over, I tried telling her she had already told me, or that I know, but she wouldn't stop (I would be there for 2 or 3 days). Eventually I tuned out, watching TV or reading a book, and would just 'uha' now and again. I don't think she cared I wasn't listening, she just needed to say it.

@Billandben444 no I'm sure it's down to a difference in religious philosophy. Or maybe the OPs gran was Harry's previous girlfriend and he did her wrong.