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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

AIBU - lol

27 replies

tellmeagainhowitis · 09/04/2021 18:21

Am I being unreasonable to get annoyed and find it rude that my partner replies to unfortunate things happening with “lol” or “haha”?

Examples:

  • My treadmill has broken - haha
  • I dropped a vase my mum bought me and smashed it - lol
  • My Dyson hairdryer has given up the ghost - lol
And yes he knows how expensive/sentimental these things are.

They haven’t all happened today (that would be a bad day!) but over the course of the last few months.
He says it’s just a phrase and that I’m choosing to take offence.
I say if you don’t actually find it funny, don’t say it.

It makes me feel as though he lacks empathy and I don’t know if I can be with someone like that.

Or am I overreacting?

OP posts:
Ninkanink · 09/04/2021 18:22

You’re not overreacting. That would get tedious real quick.

thistimelastweek · 09/04/2021 18:25

Do you always convey this sort of news by text or does he actually say 'lol' in conversation?

osbertthesyrianhamster · 09/04/2021 18:25

You're under reacting. He's a minimising, negging, condescending, gaslighting prick. Turning it all back on you, just a phase? A phase of what, acting like a twat? This person would no longer be my boyfriend.

HollowTalk · 09/04/2021 18:25

Does he laugh if something of his is broken? I advise you to test it.

AIMD · 09/04/2021 18:28

Is this what he says by text or irl?

VanGoghsDog · 09/04/2021 18:30

@osbertthesyrianhamster

You're under reacting. He's a minimising, negging, condescending, gaslighting prick. Turning it all back on you, just a phase? A phase of what, acting like a twat? This person would no longer be my boyfriend.
Phrase. Not phase.

Despite that, he's an idiot with zero emotional intelligence.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 09/04/2021 18:32

He's cruel and gaslighting.

StephenBelafonte · 09/04/2021 18:32

I'm not entirely sure if he's being a dick or whether it really is just a turn of phrase.

Start doing the exact same thing as him and see how he reacts. That will tell you all you need to know.

ColourfulElmerElephant · 09/04/2021 18:34

I know this is something many will slate me for but I couldn’t find a partner attractive if they messaged like that. It grates enough when friends do it but I can get over that because it’s a different type of relationship.

anunexaminedlife · 09/04/2021 18:41

He just sounds a bit thick

Aprilshowersandhail · 09/04/2021 18:48

Totally acceptable if he is under 16.

ButterflyHoneyPot · 09/04/2021 18:51

Got an ex that constantly said “haha” - actually said it, not laughed and not in text. I would assume hearing a grown man say “lol” is every bit as cringeworthy.

NotaCoolMum · 09/04/2021 18:54

I’d punch him. Hard.

ShinyGreenElephant · 09/04/2021 18:56

Urgh I couldn't be with someone who said lol in any circumstances. He sounds like an idiot

Original poster
tellmeagainhowitis · 09/04/2021 19:09

Thanks for your responses so far, it would make it easier in some ways if I was overreacting...

To answer the main question, it is via text. He works long hours and these are just updates in the day and asking for advice in the case of the electrical goods.

We’re about to buy a house together and I just find this kind of reaction bizarre and cold.

OP posts:
osbertthesyrianhamster · 09/04/2021 19:12

@tellmeagainhowitis

Thanks for your responses so far, it would make it easier in some ways if I was overreacting...

To answer the main question, it is via text. He works long hours and these are just updates in the day and asking for advice in the case of the electrical goods.

We’re about to buy a house together and I just find this kind of reaction bizarre and cold.

It would be very unwise to buy a house with this man. He is gaslighting you. He minimises your feelings, belittles them, negs you and then tells you that you are the one with the problem. I'd pull out of the house purchase.
Mytym · 09/04/2021 19:12

I get this kind of shit too. It is annoying but.... It makes things a hell of a lot funnier when something bad happens to him. I'm usually the first to be empathetic with people but not with him lol give him a taste of his own medicine!

WisnaeMe · 09/04/2021 19:13

@osbertthesyrianhamster

You're under reacting. He's a minimising, negging, condescending, gaslighting prick. Turning it all back on you, just a phase? A phase of what, acting like a twat? This person would no longer be my boyfriend.

Yes this I would say hits the nail on the head 🌸

User5747384 · 09/04/2021 19:35

I agree with PP I couldn't find a partner attractive that did that either.

Edel2019 · 09/04/2021 19:41

Omg YANBU, that'd drive me MAD

Mermaidwaves · 09/04/2021 19:52

I have a male friend who's response by text to things is LOL, even if I'm upset. I genuinely think he doesn't realise how inappropriate it can be he's just sodding useless. I've never had a female friend text LOL it's always men, usually when they don't know what to say. It's very annoying though I agree.

johnd2 · 09/04/2021 20:24

You're asking the wrong question, it's irrelevant whether it's ok with other people or what they would do.
Fact is you don't like it. Your partner presumably just thinks it's a simple acknowledgement and therefore fine.
You have expressed that you don't like it. He has invalidated your feelings.
The problem is your feelings are being invalidated. If you both start arguing who is right to feel which way you will have precisely no winners in this.
Good luck.

Bananalanacake · 09/04/2021 20:26

Does he mean 'Lots of Love'? Not sure how to explain 'haha' that's a tad insensitive.

Original poster
tellmeagainhowitis · 09/04/2021 20:38

@johnd2 - really interesting way of looking at it and I think you’re totally right.

He has now apologised but only after it escalated to an argument. It is the bigger problem of having my feelings invalidated that feels like the real issue...

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 09/04/2021 20:40

Having a child with someone and buying a house with someone are the two times in your life where it's absolutely vital that you like, love and trust the other person.

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