Am I over thinking this?

[brenda33]

I started speaking to someone 6 weeks ago.
He would text all the time,we had great conversations etc.
We met last weekend and had a great time.
We are meeting next Friday for drinks.
The last couple of days he hasn't spoken much and hasn't rang me since Friday.
Yesterday he had his nephews over and didn't reply for 6 hours.

He then messaged me.
Then we text then he took 2 hours to reply.
He replied saying sorry he had been playing games with his nephew.

This morning he hasn't replied to my text I sent at 8am but he has been online and also viewed me insta story.

Do I say anything to him?

Boy am I glad I did all my “dating” in pre-social media times. Sounds totally exhausting and stifling!
At the risk of sounding like a total old fogey, isn’t it nice not to be in touch incessantly? Whatever happened to anticipation?

Give him a break. He's got a life! You've barely met the poor man and you expect him to be at your beck and call.
You'll frighten him off. Have you nothing else to do - away from your phone?

Maybe it's me expecting too much.
We have only met once and we haven't even kissed yet.
My ex messed me up badly and I now over think everything.

So maybe I shouldn't text him as much ?

Yes - back off - stop policing him. It's exhausting and stifling as @bionicname says. I'd have though a phone call two or three times a week would be more than enough at this stage. Let him chase you!

Your expectations seem nuts to me. You think he should reply to everything virtually instantly. That's nuts. He may be with other people. Doing other things. Or just not be in a texting mood. If you now have a go at him for not replying super fast or offer to cancel because he hasn't, he may well decide you are being way too intense way too early and be scared off.

I don't think he should reply instantly.
The first few weeks he was texting back within half hour.
Last night he was on his phone on Instagram but couldn't text me back.
I just find it a bit rude.
Maybe I am expecting too much.
Surely tho if you like someone you would be replying.

OP you need to chill.

Not everyone has the same text habits. My DP takes a while to reply to messages because he has a life and he's busy. Sometimes he'll read a message and thinking "I'll reply to that in a min" and then totally forgets. I never take it personally because he DOES always reply.

We did used to text back and forth immediately when we got together but things always tend to relax a bit after a few weeks as you get more comfortable with each other.

Why does he need to be in constant communication with you? Have you asked him an important question that needs to be answered urgently? Constant messages would drive me bananas.

@brenda33

I don't think he should reply instantly. The first few weeks he was texting back within half hour. Last night he was on his phone on Instagram but couldn't text me back. I just find it a bit rude. Maybe I am expecting too much. Surely tho if you like someone you would be replying.

I think you're overthinking this and expecting too much. I'm in an almost identical situation (length of time and level of communications) and I keep checking myself not to overthink it.

I think you have too much time on your hands. If you were having very busy days you'd probably not notice as much that he hadn't replied. I would (and am) let him do a bit of the texting/waiting. I wouldn't change your plans for Friday as you're at risk of cutting this off at the knees before it's had a chance.

I'm going to go against the grain here and say put your guard up a bit. What PP are saying is perfectly true and people rightly live their lives, but in my dismal experience when the texting changes or starts to lessen at this early stage, it usually means they are losing interest. I hope I'm wrong! Stop messaging and see if he picks it up a little, don't mention Friday yet, see if he brings it up.

@brenda33

I don't think he should reply instantly. The first few weeks he was texting back within half hour. Last night he was on his phone on Instagram but couldn't text me back. I just find it a bit rude. Maybe I am expecting too much. Surely tho if you like someone you would be replying.

It sounds more as if he’s trying to wean off the endless cycle of all day messaging with near-instant responses which just generate another text in return. The first couple of weeks of meeting someone new are a bit different. You have lots of questions to ask each other and new things to say. That can’t go on forever. We’ve been in near-lockdown all year. None of us have done anything very interesting recently. What can two near-strangers text each other about all day? Surely after the obligatory “Good morning, hope you slept well, what have you got planned for today?” has been answered, there’s not much more to text about, bearing in mind nobody’s really that interested in what you had for lunch or the funny thing that happened in the supermarket.

You need to stop checking if he's on Instagram or read your messages, all it's doing is driving you crazy. So far he's done nothing wrong, you know he's been busy, so you need to back down.

If you'd been left on read for a couple of days that would be a different story. But right now your expectations of being replied to ASAP are unreasonable.

@Bionicname I was thinking the same! You'd maybe speak to each other on the phone once a week to arrange dates, and it was so much more of a thrill to get together in person. You wouldn't have a clue what each other was up to most of the time which in a funny way builds trust....
Ah fuck we're straight out of a monty python skit aren't we!

Op this is way too intense and controlling. You’ve only met this man once. It’s normal for texting to slow down after the first couple of weeks of showing interest and you’re getting comfortable with each other, this is not a bad thing. Timing and comparing his responses to your texts, plus stalking him online to see if he’s actually daring to spend his spare time doing anything other than texting you is not normal. He’s allowed a life outside of texting you, it’s only been a few hours, it’s not like he’s ghosted you for weeks. And he shouldn’t have to feel like he has to give you reasons and excuses like playing with his nephews for not texting you. I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re starting to scare him off tbh.

You need to back off. Your probably coming across as a bit needy and its putting him off

This afternoon I'm taking my time responding to messages.
Where before I was replying every 10 mins.
I'm taking my time now
Waiting a couple of hours between reply's

He said he's next door neighbour keeps texting him and annoying him..maybe that's a hint for me to stop messaging as much

Jesus H Christ 🤦🏻‍♀️

You've asked if you were overthinking it. You were overwhelmingly told yes. Now you're playing ridiculous, immature texting games?

Stop the world, I want to get off.

I'm not playing texting games I'm just backing off and not sending him too many messages.
So I stop overwhelming him.

Yeah you're definitely not overthinking it eh ,🙄

brenda33 Hey, I've been in the same position and understand how you feel right now.

I'd say if you are really interested in him, then annoyingly you have to play him at his own game a little. I always tend to get the reaction I want by mirroring their behaviour, so if he replies quickly / shows interest then as do I but if he starts to pull away and starts acting 'aloof' then I can do the same. Guys usually aren't used to that behaviour because generally if they 'love bomb' and then pull away, the female is 'expected' to chase, but NO. Teach him how you want to be treated and that if he wants a proper conversation, he needs to conversate correctly.

If he does however continue becoming more distant id F him off, there are plenty more fish in the sea x

You are having a text conversation, with a man you have met once, about his next door neighbour, worrying about what he might really mean when he tells you things, and actively moderating your behaviour so as not to seem too keen, or to make him wonder why you haven’t responded as quickly as usual.

Think about that for a second. Is anything about that conversation bringing anything of value to your life? Wouldn’t it be far, far nicer to just forget about how long has elapsed between each dreary and pointless text about a random man’s next door neighbour and just have a phone or video call a couple of times a week, and exchange some off the cuff messages when something particularly interesting or funny or meaningful has happened that you want to share?

Maybe look into your attachment style and find out why you keep repeating the same pattern with partners. Tbh I have sympathy for you as I am the same as you and have had to learn to trust again. It is very hard not to get triggered. But sometimes you can end up driving people away.

Usually when things go like this with communication it's a sign that things aren't right for whatever reason. It could be you're not compatible as you have different expectations on communication but I'd listen to your gut. Someone who is worth your time doesn't have you overthinking like this. Have you done the freedom programme? I recommend it as it really helped me. Sounds like he's reeled you in and is now dangling you to test your eagerness and boundaries. He could just be busy but nothing says fuck you like being visibly online yet not replying to a message.

Jeez give the poor guy some time to breathe you've only been talking for 6 weeks, he was spending time with family calm down and don't over think things.

Youre hugely overthinking it. Put your phone away. Go do something fun. Message him on Thursday to check he still wants to meet on Friday.