Feel sick did i do the right thing

[Canwegodancing]

OK, first post but lurk here most nights.
Married almost 20 years, its pretty much over as of tonight.
All sitting down Friday night with take out, bit of grumbling by eldest didn't want to watch film, dh lost head and flew at dc in a rage didn't hit but hands on shoulders towering over him, other kids roaring crying , eldest white with shock. Night ruined.
Background so no drip feeding: dh off booze now for 8 years did rehab, drinking 0% beer v regularly with an odd drink here and there the last year. Always had temper but very edgy recently.
I'm done and told him today. I'll never forget the look on eldest face. He's packed we are staying away last from home last couple of nights.
I cannot tiptoe around him any longer. Its horrendous. Feeling sick after phonecall with him tonight . Accepts he's at fault. There's no going back is there.
He's just never got on top of his issues. Drank heavily from the time we were together we were young but I really didn't know what this would mean.
Sorry rambling post. Needed to put it down in writing. Thanks anyone who read this.

So what if he says 'if he goes, he won't be back'. You will be so much better off without him.

Well done op, you’re doing the right thing for you and your kids.

It might be worth having a chat with your kids just so they know that it wasn’t the issue between DS and his dad that caused this. His dad clearly needs help. Just mentioned that as kids sometimes blame themselves when there’s a split

Definitely well done 💐
It might not always feel like it in the days to come, but you have done the right thing for your children and you xxx

As an aside, I don’t drink. Alcohol makes me really ill. That includes many 0% drinks. So somebody saying that he was “not quite dry” on 0% is probably fairly accurate.

Just typing here to get out some thoughts.
Had to call home yest evening to collect some bits.
Texted in advance but he was there.
Pleaded with me that he didn't want to go.
I asked him surely he didn't expect us to come home and all be together while he got help. He really did. He has relied on me really to be there and cannot believe its coming to this. He was crying and I was bawling leaving but there was no way thank god something somewhere in me said no we are not coming back u need to go. He'll be gone Friday. I nearly died yest eve.
Spoke to our eldest who just nodded when I said we will go home end of and dad gone for a while. I asked him did he reply to his texts he said no quite emphatically.
Waiting for call back today from a previous counsellor.
Spoke to and old friend yest eve and she was great but that was before all of above.
I'm going through moments of I think shock and grief when it dawns on me.
At work so bit of distraction which is good.

Sorry I haven't replied to u all individually but thank u to anyone that has shared their thoughts and experiences xxx

Well done OP, you should be proud of yourself as I know its not easy. You are looking out for yourself and your children and that's all that matters. Your OH needs to go where he can concentrate on himself, you can't fix him, time has proven that. Focus on yourself and your children, you will be fine. Big Hugs.

You fantastic brave woman, well done. Your kids are so lucky, you're getting them out of a toxic situation and showing them how much they matter. I'm sure you will have doubts and feel shell shocked but you are definitely doing the right thing. Just keep taking things a day at a time, lean on friends and whoever you trust. You are also giving a problem drinker an opportunity to grow up and take responsibility for his choices for once, to face the consequences of his actions. It's up to him what he does with that opportunity.

I can't imagine how difficult this is for you but take strength from your son's reaction.

You are doing the right thing.
This must be very difficult for your children but they deserve peace in their lives.

I think you will be surprised yourself at the quiet relief you will feel when you return home.

One day at a time.
Lean on family and friends for support.