Does anyone else’s mum just suck the life out of you?

[Fightingback16]

My god. I’ve been living with my mum for a while during this virus and I can’t take anymore....I’m going back home soon for my own sanity.

She is a glass half empty kind of person. She has nothing nice to say about anything, everything is negative or a jibe or a subtle put down. I don’t think she knows it but she can’t say anything nice even just to lie.

My brother left when he was 18, over 28 years ago and never really bothers, my dad was miserable before he died. It’s started to negatively effect me and I feel depressed living here.

I look at people on the tv desperate to see there family and I can’t wait to run away from this.

It's easy to imagine your situation as there are plenty of such negative people around. She probably no longer realises what she's doing. However, there's absolutely no reason why you shouldn't be independent of her and her negativity. Just do it.

I call mine the dementor (from Harry Potter). Sucks the joy out of everything. YANBU. You're not the only one feeling that way about the relaxing of covid social restrictions.

Where do you think a great bulk of Daily mail/express readers plus those who voted for Brexit came from— people with this mentality— can’t be doing with them — I basically have as little to do with anyone who lives in such a way- relative or not.

god, yes. i know exactly how you feel OP.
mine can never be happy for anyone else - a friend gets a new dog? oh, now their house will smell and i won't want to visit. someone has become a grandparent? how common of their child to have a baby before getting married.
it is unbelievably unpleasant to be around her for longer than a few hours.
my commiserations to you for having to put up with yours for so long.

Yup my mum is exactly like that. I limit my time with her for this reason, she drags me down and looking back I can see it's had such a negative impact on my life. My parents divorced about 25 years ago and stayed friends but I can understand why my dad left

Yep nothing is ever a source of joy and no one else is good enough. I stay away, I’m a relentless optimist and the misery kills me.

My parents are drains. I try to be a radiator in response. Have to mentally switch on my shield of positivity whenever I’m in their company. It’s bloody hard work being around them at times and I have appreciated the drastically reduced contact as a result of lockdown.

Oh yes. The only time she's happy is when she's with my children. They seem to spark the bit of joy that she has and she's great with them.

With anyone else, not so much! Glass half empty definitely described it well.

Both my parents are like this. My brother calls then fun sponges they are so negative and bitter. They have nothing nice to say about anyone or anything. Every thing is a battle, everyone is against them.
I actively avoid them.

I feel emotionally drained, shaken and exhausted by mine. Can't take any pleasure in anything, always angry and bitter, constant drama and victim complex. If she's in a slightly better mood she will grimace and say "how fun" if I give her some good news - that one is like nails on a chalkboard. If I stay for a while I feel like I need a therapist or to spend some time in a MH hospital. Can't cope with it at all.

Yes but in a different way. Mine is a triangulating fantasist with covert control tendencies and lack of emotionally appropriate borders. She can't talk in straight lines so there's often a convoluted load of claptrap to get through. Illness (touch of flu etc)was a big thing for her to dodge anything she found difficult. I was her confidante, counsellor and cat to kick from age 7 onwards. Used trinkets, treats, money to gain emotional closeness. If she was unhappy or angry about something she'd throw a strop and then sulk but i wouldn't really know for sure what it was about... Being around her now is draining. My dad (the covert egotistical bully) is a wimp of epic proportions and is so far out of his depth it's laughable.

Yep, I’ve just dropped my Mum back home after her Easter visit (bubbling with her) and breathed a huge sigh of relief it’s over. Critical of everything, has an opinion on everything, always ill (for the last 40 years at least), always unhappy. Also has a habit of looking back with rose-tinted glasses as her version of my childhood is unrecognisable to me. She’s very put out that we’re hoping to go away for Xmas (who knows, fingers crossed) and can’t understand why we wouldn’t want to be home with her. The last three days have been exhausting.

Yep. I have one of these. In addition I swear she almost fizzes with excitement at the prospect of any immediate family member who might be having a tough time. Despite having no life to speak of herself, of her own making, she seems to be able to get enough from hoovering up some drama with someone else. She can’t be happy for anyone and nothing is good enough for her. She will never be happy with her lot.

Yes. Lockdown has been a blessing. My biggest fear in life is that I turn into her.

This is one of the reasons I am not inviting my mum to our wedding, I know I will be damned if I do and damned if I don't but DP and I have a limited time together and I am not spending my day worrying about what, or who, mum is bitching about.

I wonder what makes them like this and how we prevent it happening to me. My mum was often good fun when i was younger. Alwaya prone to a moan but intersperesed with fun

DDIJ I bet when she sees Doreen, Doreen is supposed to listen to long stories about you 😆

Actually, my mum has never been the maternal type at all (and I have moaned about that to friends for sure) but reading these I am glad to say that she never sucks the fun out of occasions and is actually quite fun.

I feel exactly like this about my mother, she's got so much worse since turning 80 and having some health problems, but my god everyone knows about them! She came for dinner yesterday and when I asked how she was her face immediately crumpled and she said "not good". Reason wasn't anything medical, she just "had no energy". I wasn't asking her to do anything other than sit at table to eat a meal I'd cooked! It definitely sucked any fun from the day. I will not be like her.

My mum is the same. I feel for you OP - you are not alone.

The impending release of lockdown and recent rule of 6 has definitely touched on a few nerves for me. Family members desperate to see each other. It makes me envious that people have those kind of family relationships where they bring joy, relief and happiness to each other. That is not a familiar concept to me.

Yup, and that is why I am low contact with her

I’m with you OP. Although lockdown this time last year was hard for me with a small baby, it was a blessed relief to escape her negativity. I’m really quite sad at the thought of having to return to a greater level of contact.

Negative, critical, martyr complex. Always right and consequently feels she needs to ram her opinion down everyone’s throats at every given chance. She is massively ignorant to the world but is oblivious to this. She’s the engine for all family drama.

She will comment on my sons long hair (hello lockdown) and say things like he will be mistaken for a girl or he’s a sissy. Total garbage. I suffered from anxiety as a child but this was down to me being a negative person apparently.

I sympathise. Mine is so judgemental. Sadly I know some of that has rubbed off on me despite my best efforts!

Her expectations for how I behave compared to my brother (single, no commitment including work) or to her friends children (we would all be adults in 40's, 50s and 60s) is incredible. I am a single parent, work, need to look after house, garden pets etc. I've been facilitating for her and her friends their activity during the year's lockdown. I was really busy before Xmas and asked if one of the friends children could help. Apparently according to my mum they were really busy with work, children, homes. Everytime she said that - I said so am I. Finally she asked her friends and eventually one of the friends dealt with it. (Not the adult children who are all local). But what upset me was MY mum's blindness to how busy i was.

I try hard as I know she wont be around for many more years. Look up golden child vs scapegoat - it's interesting.