Does anyone else hate hosting especially meals?

[Regretsy]

Just looking for kindred spirits to make me feel less of a freak. I can cook perfectly good meals for myself but the moment I invite anyone else along it all goes tits up. The whole thing makes me very anxious. I love going to other people’s for meals so always want to repay the gesture but it’s always awful and people seem to feel uncomfortable and leave early. I think partly it’s my family’s weird behaviour but mostly I wish I could never have to host again. Anyone else feel the same? How do I solve this, move to Alaska? (Where I’d prob invite people round for baked Alaska and it would taste like feet).

P.s. I’ve put this in relationships as it’s affecting my relationships!

What is your family’s ‘weird behaviour’?

I don't mind people coming over for a brew and a chinwag but the thought of cooking a proper meal for someone brings me out in a cold sweat. I hate cooking anyway though.

And I never got to other people's houses for meals either.

I stress about it because food has become such a thing, there's only friend who I can cater for simply.

Me.

Same with me. I don't mind cooking for DH and kids but I get so anxious when cooking for others. I think its probably because I feel like I'm not a great cook (even though DH and kids think orherwise). I usually stick to ordering in when I have people over but I do wish I had more confidence to be able to cook without all the anxiety.

I always preferred to go out than have people round or go to their house, no one is up and down cooking/sorting drinks so it’s more relaxed and you can just enjoy each other’s company.

Sounds like you are anxious that your evening won’t be as good as others you’ve been to, you are probably just putting tooo much pressure on yourself, hosting is bloody hard especially if you’re making sure that everyone’s drinks are topped up, trying to cook while holding a conversation and trying to tidy along the way and if there are in the kids running around and wrecking your head then you’re bound to be on edge.
I’d just order a take out to the pressure off so you can enjoy the evening or get everyone to bring a dish, have a themed dinner evening.
Sounds like you’re judging yourself too harshly.

What goes wrong exactly?

Can you cook?
Is it timings?
Does conversation flow?
Do you have music on?
Do you like people coming into your house for other things?
Whats wrong with your family?

but it’s always awful and people seem to feel uncomfortable and leave early. I think partly it’s my family’s weird behaviour

I want to know more about this ^

I mean, like TwoZeroTwoZero, I really don't like cooking, and hate inviting people for a meal as it is really stressful for me, so my pals would get over any hiccups with the food and stay for the company afterwards. But you say you can cook perfectly good meals, and it seems your issue is around the behaviour of your family ?

I sympathise OP! It's a form of performance anxiety. I used to feel this in the early days of marriage and motherhood but now I've become more confident in my culinary skills and my children are adults, I've got time and space to prepare ahead and choose a fail safe dish it's become easier. I regret the times I missed not inviting people over because it made me so anxious. It is hard to feel relaxed when you're hosting, but the trick is not to choose any thing too complicated. Once we're past the main course, I finally relax!

I feel your pain!!! I overthink it all an it just turns out wrong!! I’d much rather make dessert than a main course!!!

I love catering for people but I have certain recipes that are tried and tested and I know will work for larger groups - eg boeuf bourgignon and dauphinois potatoes. Today we had roast beef and it suddenly turned into 8 instead of 5 for lunch after the shops had closed last night, so I padded it out with lots of sausages in bacon, roast potatoes and Yorkshire puddings, and apple crumble so it worked out fine. I think having go-to recipes is generally best though!

Making it less formal helps - a big pot of chilli with tacos, rice and salad, followed by strawberries and cream, or ice cream is just as much fun as a dish you’ve slaved over for hours. People are there to enjoy your company - the food is an accompaniment to that, not the other way round.

Oh my god, I was going to post exactly this! Had a friend over yesterday (in the garden) and I'd cooked lunch. She is very very easy, but I still felt utterly useless.

I'm fine with family, but with friends I find it really difficult. I'm single, so nobody to support me, or entertain my guest whilst I'm cooking etc. It leaves me exhausted mentally, I feel I'm just not good enough..not good enough company/not a good enough cook/not a good enough hostess.

It mainly comes from (I think) my ex who criticised everything I did in company. I was a nervous wreck.

I really need to get a handle on this, makes me very sad, and not want to invite people over

I order in, or buy luxury buffet style food.
Like you I can cook, but the pressure gets to me. Also I have a tiny kitchen and no dishwasher.

What do you mean your families weird behaviour?

As to the question , no I love hosting,

What do you usually cook? Find some easy recipes to do in advance then just put in the oven when guests come, like a pasta bake or something

I want to know more about your family’s “weird behaviour”

FWIW I find hosting hard work, and we are weird too Luckily we still have friends

As other posters have said, I always cook tried and tested stuff. Before lockdown I would host friends and family regularly. I used to be very anxious until one day my friend said to me “they are coming to spend time with you and friends, the food is just a side dish in the grand scheme of things”. I now keep it very informal, loads of booze, one pot stuff like a huge paella, salad and bread and bobs your uncle.

If your friends drink then alcohol and nibbles first.
This means after 20 or so minutes you can attend to the meal whilst your guests are now more relaxed.
I always set the table the night before.
Then on the day just pop a jug of water and nibbles onto the table. Have your alcohol lined up nearby.
Definitely take a casserole out of the freezer and lots of bread like they do in France.
Preparation is key with entertaining.
People who make it look effortless have done the hard graft before you arrive.
Also try and relax.
I would sooner have a host who is fun and present with bad food than a stressed out host who puts me on edge.

Agree it’s stressful! Dh goes mad and spends a fortune on enough for an army. But, went to a friends long ago, before lockdown, sigh! And she plonked tubs of stuff from asda on the table ( still in the packets) with a packet salad and a ready made lasagne, and you know what? It was fine! Actually it was better than fine as knowing she hadn’t spent hours helped us all relax. Another friend did it all posh with wine from the cellar and food cooked for hours.l.and, yup. No one could relax.
If you have to cook, my most complemented meal I’ve ever made was some ancient frozen lamb, shoved in the oven for 7 hours with garlic on low while I went out, with rice and salad. And ice cream.
Or open the wine early!

I hate hosting. I really hate hosting. It brings put some weird intense anxiety in me where everything had to be perfect. I’m a good cook but my mind goes blank when deciding what to cook for friends. I get stressy and shouty about the tidying and cleaning of the house, and I don’t look forward to friends’ arrival.
If we order takeaway I’m much more relaxed about the whole thing, so that’s what we tend to do.
My mum was the same, I always thought she was really inhospitable, but now I can empathise. I’d love to be one if those “come on in and eat with us, the more the merrier round the table” types, but not sure how to be?

I have 2 friends I love hosting for. We have awesome dinner parties. They bring wine and puddings, and always offer to help clean up.

Absolutely hate hosting anyone else.