just a little message

[threeangels]

This is for those of you who have really helped me the past few months with my moving away from mom situation. My dh and I are planning to move the end of Oct for that new job offer. I have not told my mom yet. Please pray for me because I know she will not react in a good way. I am quite nervous on what to say but I know I have no choice at this point. Thanks.

Threeangels, I wish you all the best with your move and telling your mum. I'll remember you in my prayers.

threeangels, will be thinking of you, let us know how it goes, jemw

Thinking of you and praying for you all including your mum. x

Will also remember you, Threeangels. xxx

Good luck!

I hope all goes well, Threeangels - don't forget to keep us up to date with the news of the move!

Thank you so much everyone. I havent gotten up the courage yet to tell my mom but I will have to in a day or so.

threeangels - your relationship with your mum will be strong enough to bear the strain of this separation, and you will be amazed at how your relationship with your dh will strengthen and deepen. Thinking of all of you, Mooma.

threeangles, I hope your mum doesn't take the news as badly as you fear. Even if her first reaction is one of great shock, hopefully she will get more used to the idea with time. IME some people are just like this - I was close to someone once who hated being told of any change big or little, but they always mellowed once they had time to think it through.

I have missed reading some of your previous thread so I don't know all the details of your move(so my comment above might not be approapriate) - but I hope all goes well.

Thanksmoth - I decided i could not handle telling my mom in person because I know we would get to emotional so I wrote a letter explaining how I feel and about us moving away. I think it will give her a chance to read and think about it alone. I'm sure your right that in time she will get used to everything. I will let you guys know what happens after she reads my letter which will be in a couple hours when she gets home. I put it by her front door since I knew she would be out.

sorry meant thanks tigermoth.

Hope all is well, Threeangels.

hope things are ok

havent heard anything yet from my mom. I dont know if shell even call me right now. I'll at least know something if anything was said after her reading my letter because before my mom went home she stopped to pick up my ds to sleep at her house. I feel so depressed right now for some reason.

Threeangels, firstly, congratulations on your decision. The way that I saw it when we made our decision was that we would never know whether it was the right thing to do unless we did it!

In terms of your mum - I hope you hear from her soon. She is probably still taking it in. I might be a good idea for you to ring her if she doesn't get in touch soon - see how she is and talk it over - if you can bear it.

Thinking of you ...

threeangels, I hope that you hear from your mum soon, and that you are able to lift your spirits. From my own experience I know that moving is stressful enough in itself without having to worry about your mum too! I hope that everything goes well for you.

Hi again everyone - well after my dd came home from my mom she went and called her to say hi. My dd talked for a few min and when she got off the phone she said my mom was really crying to her and saying she didnt want us to move. She told her she will always love her and the other siblings no matter where they are. I have not talked yet. My ds slept at her house last night and when he got home this morning my mom was outside giving hugs and kisses to the other two kids. I looked out the window and she was crying.I told my dd to go out and tell grandma and grandpa I was coming out to see them and they just left very fast. I know they are truly hurting and just dont want to see me right now. I guess I can understand for the time being. I feel really sad right now. I'm excited about moving but I also feel like I'm doing something so wrong to my family. I rather not call my family right now. I dont even know if I want to call them before I leave. Its just too upsetting and it will only be worse for my mom when Sat comes and I have to leave.

Do you guys think I'm wrong if I dont call her before we leave. I wouldnt know what to say and I dont want to make things worse. This is one of the saddest things I have ever had to deal with. Thank you for all the encouragement.

I think even a quick call before you leave would be a good idea. It might let them see that you will be thinking of them, that you've not left without saying goodbye. Will pray for you and the family.

Please call or, or better still, go & see her - I know it will be tough but just imagine if you don't - how will you then make the next call? The worse that could happen is that you'll both have a good cry together - try & talk about when she will visit you (would it be practical to ask them for Thanksgiving or Christmas?) - could you take her a special plant or something from your garden & explain that you can't take it with you & could she look after it.

I had a situation with a family member where it would have been ' easier' for me not to make a call but one morning I just did it, without endless 'should I - shouldn't I thoughts' - to be honest, it hasn't totally healed the situation but at least I know I was the FIRST person to make contact and that makes me feel a lot better.

It can be very tough for some parents in that they cannot always see that their children have a life/future of their own & we need to acknowledge that (& make sure we don't turn out like it!!); good luck threeangels, I now you are a practising christian and that will give you a lot of strength to deal with difficult situations, as it has me. Let us know how you get on.

I agree that you should call your mum before you leave, Threeangels. You can just tell her that you love her and that she's always welcome, it doesn't have to be long and involved unless that's what you want. Don't forget to give her your house/phone details, preferably written down somewhere. That way, the door is always open for contact to be maintained.

And I know you are feeling bad about this but I would say that almost always the thought is worse than the deed and both you and your mum will adjust to a new way of living much more quickly than you can imagine now. Best wishes and keep in touch.

Thanks - I think I will either call or try and visit her in person before I do leave. I know I'll probally feel worse after I leave if I havent said good bye first. I'm sure deep inside my mom would want to see me in the end.

Best of luck, threeangels.

threeangels, when you're feeling bad, imagine yourself in 20 years' time if your dd was moving away. Would you put her through all this trauma? Would you cry and risk upsetting her children? I don't want to sound unkind, but I really think your mum is giving you a dreadfully hard time at what is already a stressful period in your life. She should support you and wish you well, because that's what you deserve. Hang on in there.
Love, Mooma xx