Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Criticising me on social media.

50 replies

MindTheBumps · 03/04/2021 09:21

My boyfriend has had surgery, it's elective surgery not for medical need. I took time off work to go to the hospital with him, had to self isolate to be able to do so. Drove him 30 mins each way for the pre op and actual surgery, sat in the hospital all day waiting, arranged childcare so I could stay with him until 10pm, went back to collect him and have been looking after him since. I arranged for my youngest to go to his dads for the week so I only had my two teens to look after. I've set alarms throughout the night to keep on top of his pain killers. Not left his side, generally been the best support I possibly can be.

He has of course been really grateful to my face which I appreciate a lot but I wouldn't dream of not looking after him anyway.

Well this morning I look on Facebook and a woman he barley knows from the gym has asked how he is. He replied with a bit sore but that's MindTheBumps driving.

Now I know it's just a flippant comment but it's really upset me.

Am I being over sensitive? I am a bit stressed, my teen has a suspected broken arm (currently sat in A&E, made sure BF has everything he needs within reach and left my other teen in charge) so I'm a bit stressed and have probably taken it to heart.

More of a rant I guess.

OP posts:
StephenBelafonte · 03/04/2021 09:22

Is it at all possible that he was making a joke? You know what a joke is, right?

PriestessofPing · 03/04/2021 09:24

Sorry you’re in A&E, hope your teen is ok.

What kind of surgery did he have where he needed a week long nursemaid? Was he totally immobile? I think the joke was in bad taste but sort of hard to understand the context without knowing what the surgery was?

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 03/04/2021 09:28

Sounds like a joke and also he probably doesn’t want to put details on SM about his private health so sounds a good light hearted response to me. I like humour in a partner though.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 03/04/2021 09:34

it’s def meant to be a joke which illustrates how manly and resilient he is, probably to avoid saying “im in agony” and sounding like a whimp. It sounds like he’s avoiding answering the direct question Directly so made a joke out of it, As in the surgery was fine,( I’m so brave) but I was more affected by the road bumps....
So I’m that sense I really dont think he meant anything negative about you. However I’d be cross too, it was a stupid comment on your driving, and instead of something negative he could have said how well cared for he is. Maybe you should tell him how you feel about it.

Original poster
MindTheBumps · 03/04/2021 09:36

I know it was a joke, I just didn't see the funny side, which I realise is more on me, I'm tired and stressed with the teen coming to me with a broken arm. If I saw it any other time I probably would have laughed or even made a similar joke myself.

He had a double mastectomy. I didn't want to put that in really because there is a very anti trans theme on Mumsnet which is why I said it wasn't a medically necessary procedure. He is mobile but can't even lift the kettle or get dressed himself etc.

OP posts:
StephenBelafonte · 03/04/2021 09:39

I think the anti-trans theme on mumsnet is for man to woman transgender to be honest.

Hope your teen is ok. How did he break his arm?

PriestessofPing · 03/04/2021 09:43

I think in that case the surgery type is relevant if he doesn’t want to discuss these details too much - so it does make the joke make more sense, also the driving aspect because of where he’ll be sore.

I’d let this one go. Maybe have a word if it happens again.

category12 · 03/04/2021 09:44

Does he have a habit of making jokes at your expense?

I can understand why you feel hurt - you've really put yourself out to help, and it would be nice if that had been acknowledged in a good way. Bit of a slap in the face, even if unintended.

Original poster
MindTheBumps · 03/04/2021 09:45

He hurt it yesterday playing football at the park but we thought it was sprained. He's got up this morning and it's still swollen and has weird bumps. Not particularly painful though unless he moves it a certain way.

He woke me up cos he was having a low hypo so I think it was just one thing after another and I have seen the comment and it's just the little thing that has pushed me over.

OP posts:
marmitepasta · 03/04/2021 09:47

I think it was just a joke but I hope that he's expressed his gratitude you for all your help.

Phoenix121 · 03/04/2021 09:52

Just playing devil's advocate here. Might he have put that comment as a way of mentioning you by name so as to acknowledge you as his partner? I was just thinking if random-guy-from-gym-who-I-barely-know had posted that question to me, I would probably make some reference to my partner so as to avoid any potential misunderstandings. Although I am perhaps a little over-sensitive in that regard.

MeltsAway · 03/04/2021 09:56

Am I being over sensitive?

No, you're not. Your partner sounds selfish. I guess it's really possible to transition to the entitled behaviour of masculinity ...

MeltsAway · 03/04/2021 09:57

Might he have put that comment as a way of mentioning you by name so as to acknowledge you as his partner?

@MindTheBumps partner could have said something like "I'm fine, it hurts a bit, but MindtheBumps is taking wonderful care of me" No jokes or passive-aggression needed.

category12 · 03/04/2021 09:58

@Phoenix121

Just playing devil's advocate here. Might he have put that comment as a way of mentioning you by name so as to acknowledge you as his partner? I was just thinking if random-guy-from-gym-who-I-barely-know had posted that question to me, I would probably make some reference to my partner so as to avoid any potential misunderstandings. Although I am perhaps a little over-sensitive in that regard.
But surely it would make more sense to say something nice about op's care of him than something mildly disparaging if the idea is to put off potential interest?
icdtap · 03/04/2021 10:07

I think it was meant to be a joke.
Hope he feels better soon.

gannett · 03/04/2021 10:08

I know it was a joke, I just didn't see the funny side, which I realise is more on me, I'm tired and stressed with the teen coming to me with a broken arm. If I saw it any other time I probably would have laughed or even made a similar joke myself.

There you are really. You're going through a tough time as well. As the carer you're focused on looking after the members of your family who are going through health issues but it's tiring, please make sure you're looking after yourself as well.

You're exhausted and stressed and that's why you got annoyed at a flippant joke that you'd have probably found funny at a different time. You know he appreciates your support really.

notaknob · 03/04/2021 10:11

You're dealing with a lot here. Give yourself a breath and a second to take stock of how well you are doing.
Don't worry about the joke. Unless there are other things worrying you that you haven't mentioned, I really wouldn't worry about the one joke.
Hope your partner and teen are on the mend quickly!

EarthSight · 03/04/2021 10:13

@MeltsAway

Might he have put that comment as a way of mentioning you by name so as to acknowledge you as his partner?

@MindTheBumps partner could have said something like "I'm fine, it hurts a bit, but MindtheBumps is taking wonderful care of me" No jokes or passive-aggression needed.

This. He could have said something nice. Instead it sounds a bit like a spiteful joke at your expense.
Jobsharenightmare · 03/04/2021 10:18

He could have said I'm fine thanks for checking on me. There was no need to say what he did to avoid appearing weak etc. My partner never puts me down to others under the guise of being 'funny'.

gamerchick · 03/04/2021 10:21

Tell your partner if he wants the gold spoonfeeding treatment to continue, then to knock off the wise cracks on SM and stop martyring yourself if it's too much. It's obvious you're a bit overwhelmed.

Alarms for painkillers during the night? Hmm

Hope the bairns arms ok.

honeylulu · 03/04/2021 10:23

I would comment in reply " get a taxi next time dickwad" (laughing face emoji to show its a 'joke' of course). If he can dish it out, he has to take it too.

Original poster
MindTheBumps · 03/04/2021 10:25

He didn't need to mention me to put off interest, we all go to the same gym, he knows her through me so she knows we are a couple.

Teen is suspected sprain but they are x raying to be sure. He's been throughly prodded.

It says to keep the pain killers regularly to prevent pain rather than try to treat it when it occurs if that makes sense?

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 03/04/2021 10:26

@MindTheBumps

I know it was a joke, I just didn't see the funny side, which I realise is more on me, I'm tired and stressed with the teen coming to me with a broken arm. If I saw it any other time I probably would have laughed or even made a similar joke myself.

He had a double mastectomy. I didn't want to put that in really because there is a very anti trans theme on Mumsnet which is why I said it wasn't a medically necessary procedure. He is mobile but can't even lift the kettle or get dressed himself etc.

Is it possible that your partner is trying to be one of the lads' with that sort of low level sexist crap? Because that's the sort of shit I hear from men of a certain age who like to refer to their partner as 'the old ball and chain' or ' you know what women are like, eh mate?' And other such delights. Was it possibly a misguided attempt to fit in with the 'boy bantz' at your expense?
CandyLeBonBon · 03/04/2021 10:26

Sorry about your teen. Hope they're ok

Mum4Fergus · 03/04/2021 10:27

Personally I'd have perceived that as a joke...your efforts to 'support' him though, while admirable, sound a bit suffocating. He's an adult who should be more than capable of sorting his own arrangements.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread