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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Criticising me on social media.

50 replies

MindTheBumps · 03/04/2021 09:21

My boyfriend has had surgery, it's elective surgery not for medical need. I took time off work to go to the hospital with him, had to self isolate to be able to do so. Drove him 30 mins each way for the pre op and actual surgery, sat in the hospital all day waiting, arranged childcare so I could stay with him until 10pm, went back to collect him and have been looking after him since. I arranged for my youngest to go to his dads for the week so I only had my two teens to look after. I've set alarms throughout the night to keep on top of his pain killers. Not left his side, generally been the best support I possibly can be.

He has of course been really grateful to my face which I appreciate a lot but I wouldn't dream of not looking after him anyway.

Well this morning I look on Facebook and a woman he barley knows from the gym has asked how he is. He replied with a bit sore but that's MindTheBumps driving.

Now I know it's just a flippant comment but it's really upset me.

Am I being over sensitive? I am a bit stressed, my teen has a suspected broken arm (currently sat in A&E, made sure BF has everything he needs within reach and left my other teen in charge) so I'm a bit stressed and have probably taken it to heart.

More of a rant I guess.

OP posts:
Original poster
MindTheBumps · 03/04/2021 10:29

@Mum4Fergus

Personally I'd have perceived that as a joke...your efforts to 'support' him though, while admirable, sound a bit suffocating. He's an adult who should be more than capable of sorting his own arrangements.
He paid extra for me to be able to accompany him to hospital because he is such a nervous patient he had to take diazepam just for bloods.
OP posts:
gamerchick · 03/04/2021 10:32

Seriously OP, painkillers within reach with a drink is all that's needed. While it's sweet and it's obvious you're a nurturing person. It's also pretty obvious you'll do it at the expense of yourself.

Original poster
MindTheBumps · 03/04/2021 10:33

@gamerchick

Seriously OP, painkillers within reach with a drink is all that's needed. While it's sweet and it's obvious you're a nurturing person. It's also pretty obvious you'll do it at the expense of yourself.
I think that will be the order of service tonight!
OP posts:
autumnalrain · 03/04/2021 10:36

OP you really need to lighten up, not everything in life needs to be scrutinised, its so clearly a (non offensive) joke

Kintsuji · 03/04/2021 10:39

@MindTheBumps

He didn't need to mention me to put off interest, we all go to the same gym, he knows her through me so she knows we are a couple.

Teen is suspected sprain but they are x raying to be sure. He's been throughly prodded.

It says to keep the pain killers regularly to prevent pain rather than try to treat it when it occurs if that makes sense?

It does. It's easier to keep pain under control with regular timed treatment. It is much harder to get pain back to an ok level of it had gotten really bad.

The comment does sound like it might have meant to be jokey and missed the mark. Could it be that he is a worried about putting his surgery out there and said something a bit off due to anxiety about this? I know I can personally say some pretty stupid things under the influence of anxiety You know him best do you think it's likely he actually meant it as a criticism or just said something stupid in the moment?

Wearywithteens · 03/04/2021 10:45

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Original poster
MindTheBumps · 03/04/2021 10:45

I agree, I was just being over sensitive. Just bed timing for me to see it I think when I was a little stressed.

I think usually I would have just told him to walk next time cheeky bugger.

It helps to get a bit of perspective here sometimes. Also will pass some of his care over to him. He literally has been asking what painkillers he is due or can he have some so I have just kind of gone into mum mode with him a bit. I will step back.

OP posts:
Karwomannghia · 03/04/2021 10:50

It definitely wants a jokey response like cheeky git drive yourself next time!
Hope your family recover quickly!

Erkrie · 03/04/2021 10:56

It's not anti trans on mumsnet, it's pro women and safeguarding. Aside from that, it's not a particularly funny joke, reminds me of the standard 1980s sexism, if your dp isn't normally like that then I'd have a word with them. I'd be irritated with it tbh.

Cokie3 · 03/04/2021 11:05

You are not being over-sensitive, your partner is quite selfish and insensitive. It sounds like you've gone above and beyond for them, and the least they could have done is recognise your efforts, does/has he even thank you at all?

Original poster
MindTheBumps · 03/04/2021 11:12

I didn't mean to offend with the anti trans comment by the way it was just a short hand way of saying lots of people have a strong and very valid opinion regarding trans issues and I didn't want it to muddy up the thread.

He had been very grateful to be honest, I just saw it at a bad time.

Good news on the teen, it's a sprain, advice to take painkillers and keep it mobile. No goal keeping for awhile.

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 03/04/2021 13:18

@MindTheBumps

I didn't mean to offend with the anti trans comment by the way it was just a short hand way of saying lots of people have a strong and very valid opinion regarding trans issues and I didn't want it to muddy up the thread.

He had been very grateful to be honest, I just saw it at a bad time.

Good news on the teen, it's a sprain, advice to take painkillers and keep it mobile. No goal keeping for awhile.

Glad your teen is ok (although a sprain is still v painful). Hope Dp recognises your fantastic support and is suitably apologetic for sounding a bit unappreciative Thanks
gamerchick · 03/04/2021 13:25

Glad it's just a s sprain OP. Well I'm saying just, they're still painful.

No more spreading yourself thin though. Good luck.

Zancah · 03/04/2021 13:34

@MeltsAway

Am I being over sensitive?

No, you're not. Your partner sounds selfish. I guess it's really possible to transition to the entitled behaviour of masculinity ...

Selfish…Really? I think that's an overreaction Confused

Op, you're tired and stressed. I think most people would have a sense of humour failure in your position.

I hope your DP and your Teen are on the mend.
I think you need to make sure you make time for yourself. Ask your other teen to keep an eye out and head off for a bit Thanks

Oneeyeopen · 03/04/2021 13:41

Its a joke. And probably if your dp is dosed up on painkillers he may not be exercising best judgement.
Let this one go and be ready with a comeback if it happens again.

Wanderlusto · 03/04/2021 14:06

Mind the bumps?

I'd just reply on that comment so the girl and everyone else can see 'mind the bumps here has done everything but wipe your arse the last few weeks your highness, so less of the bloody cheek you ungrateful git'

category12 · 03/04/2021 14:28

@Wanderlusto

Mind the bumps?

I'd just reply on that comment so the girl and everyone else can see 'mind the bumps here has done everything but wipe your arse the last few weeks your highness, so less of the bloody cheek you ungrateful git'

Yes, this.
Aprilx · 03/04/2021 15:05

I honestly wouldn’t have even given that a moments thought, it was clearly a joke, you need to stop taking yourself so seriously.

sunnyzweibrucken · 03/04/2021 17:06

Eh I would be hurt too. To me if he was joking he could’ve said it was due to your driving but add in a j/k Mindyhebumps is actually taking great care of me. But he left it as if your driving was the reason he’s in pain. It just wasn’t necessary unless he’s been verbally thankful for having you to care for him.

altiara · 03/04/2021 23:11

It might have been funny if you had only done the drive to hospital. But you’ve done so much and have your child in hospital. So it doesn’t really sound funny at all. And it’s not a joke if you don’t find it funny.
But the intent doesn’t sound malicious or anything.

DPotter · 03/04/2021 23:20

My view would be - if he's well enough with the jokey quips on SM, he's well enough to set his own alarm clock to take his meds. Whatever the operation.
Sorry OP but I think you're being a little too solicitous here. Totally agree you should step back - think of it as good post op rehab.

CandyLeBonBon · 03/04/2021 23:28

Had anyone read the op's updates?

HollowTalk · 03/04/2021 23:34

@StephenBelafonte

Is it at all possible that he was making a joke? You know what a joke is, right?
You know what a joke is, right?

I've never known that to be said by anyone who isn't an absolute arse.

I0NA · 03/04/2021 23:47

@DPotter

My view would be - if he's well enough with the jokey quips on SM, he's well enough to set his own alarm clock to take his meds. Whatever the operation. Sorry OP but I think you're being a little too solicitous here. Totally agree you should step back - think of it as good post op rehab.
This.
CandyLeBonBon · 03/04/2021 23:48

OMG PEOPLE. Read the bloody updates!!!!

It's like 'cancel the cheque' all over again

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