Hi all
Thank you for taking the time to read my post. I’m a 44 year old in a relationship with a 36 year old for the last 10 years, we’d doing long distance for two years before I made the move to his home city. Basically we have split up today because he says he no longer trusts me or feels I respect him but today feels different and feels like the end. We’ve a steady relationship with no kids but probably every 6 months or so we have an argument and he storms off in another room and ends the relationship. He went for a promotion in work a year ago and was successful but wasn’t placed immediately however 6 months ago he was on a work call and I said when I thought he’d hung up you need to speak up for yourself a bit more and let them hear your voice and opinions. People in work were on the call and heard and he said I’d let him down and made him doubt himself and kicked his confidence and that was never my intention so he ended things. After lots of chats he said this was my last chance as he was tired of giving me them through the years that I promise I’ll change but I had to learn to be more respectful. Fast forward to last week and he was on a work call in front of me everyone was asked to go on mute and this one guy kept slurping his tea and we looked at each other and exchange a smirk, I went to laugh but put my hand to my mouth to stop myself but he said he lost him train of thought and again ended things. I managed to convince him that I thought it was a shared moment between us as a couple so he forgave me. Fast forward to today, i went shopping and bought us nice drinks to celebrate as I passed an exam and he said we would celebrate. I cooked us a nice lunch but kitchen was stinky so I light a candle. He came down and went mad, said it was the ultimate sign of disrespect that it was another sign of me doing what I want and not giving a f&£k, I said I thought we were celebrating some good news for us and it was a special occasion hence I was ok to light one of the special occasion candles. He said he’d never do that without consulting me and it’s another sign of me not thinking of him. It’s a accumulation of lots of things and he’s done with me.
He said if he stays with me he will kill himself and he doesn’t want that on me, that he’s given me enough chances and he feels like an idiot for staying. I live in a city with few friends outside of work and to b honest I’ve always sheltered sharing with my friends because I don’t want them thinking badly of him. Signs of disrespect to him in the past and have resulted in previous breakup are:
Me sorting out new kitchen cabinets without him
Shouting at him to help me in kitchen
Using aerosols in rooms when he’s asked me not too.
Am I crazy that it is me, I say sorry constantly but feel like I’m living on a knife edge constantly but he twists respect and constantly convinced me that I’m inconsiderate, selfish and disrespectful! When I went to speak to him he said I was talking too loud said neighbours would hear so I said they will find out soon enough, he jumped up to run out of the house and I am scared he will kill himself so I ran out of the room
He says he’s done with me because although he loves me the two most important things are trust and respect and each time I disrespect him I loose his trust!