I’d really appreciate some advice - I don’t feel as if we are a team

[vanillabluelavender]

My OH is a good sort. Very kind and generous and so on - but I feel like our relationship Is really not working as well as it could be at the moment.

We have a 3 month old baby and I am on maternity leave. I do pretty much everything. This is a baby who won’t let you put him down much so it’s a challenge.

Today for instance OH was off work as it’s obviously good Friday. He had baby for an hour in the morning while I got some sleep. I then had baby 8-1:30. OH had him briefly while I ate lunch. And then me again up until 6.

That’s typical. He will help but only in brief windows.

It’s driving a wedge between us as I’m so tired I go to bed when ds does, while he stays up watching TV.

It doesn't sound like your husband has adjusted yet to being a family. As in adjusted his expectations about how much time he has to himself and how he now has to
Communicate about that.

On days off there should be a plan for the day set the evening before or over breakfast. That sets out what you are doing for the day as a family in terms of an outing and any chores and plans for dinner and to agree if there is time for either of your hobbies or to have some time to yourself for the day.

A bank holiday should now be golden family time. If it also allows any time for hobbies too thats a bonus!

You deffo need the chat.

My advice is you need to get on and make him aware of what you expect him to help out with and point out you need breaks to. As someone else said being a parent is a full time job and as they grow it doesn't necessarily get any easier. So if you plan to return to work and things with him doesn't change there's a chance what you are feeling now will feel even worse. Of course this is just my experience, I'm a mum of a 3 year old who demands a lot of attention, husband who likes to interact when it's fun otherwise focused on what he wants. On the plus side when we are with others he looks like the perfect interactive dad

It doesn't sound like your husband has adjusted yet to being a family. As in adjusted his expectations about how much time he has to himself and how he now has to
Communicate about that.

Yes. Also - in the early days, my DH didn’t see being parked under a feeding/sleeping baby constantly as ‘work’. He genuinely saw it as me having a nice rest and a cuddle with a baby and catching up on trash TV. I had to spell it out to him that I didn’t have a single second of the day or night that wasn’t dictated to me by the baby’s needs, and no, all of this enforced inactivity and loss of my own personal time was really not my preference, regardless of how pleasant it may seem from the outside. Perhaps your husband is thinking along the same lines?