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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH and DSs moved out today

66 replies

PaperChain · 09/11/2007 20:21

dh decided he needed a break. He has had enough of me this year. He has gone to his parents in a different county. This means they cant go to school. So I have said this trial separation cannot be longer than a week or two.

How am I going to cope?

PaperChain
x

(used to be PhonenixSoaring - but name changed as it wasnt fair on Phoenix as our names were so similar) before that I was naswm and also losty

OP posts:
Original poster
PaperChain · 09/11/2007 20:52

I am trying

OP posts:
WatsGoingOn · 09/11/2007 20:55

Good, thats a start! I hope that you are okay and i will pop back in a little while

tribpot · 09/11/2007 20:57

Paper - they need to go to school, how can it help them to be taken out of their routine? I know this sounds terribly unsupportive, and it isn't meant that way, but could you go back into residential care? I think you might be better off that way.

None of this sounds like your dh has thought through what is best for the boys.

Take care xxx

coolkat · 09/11/2007 20:59

PC, It sounds like you have had a rough ride and as I put on one of your other threads my sis Had been ill like you but in time it gets better. Perhaps see this as a reason for getting better. I know its hard and its easy for me to say on the outside looking In but please stay strong and stay in touch with your friends so they know your ok.

Thinking of you. X

Original poster
PaperChain · 09/11/2007 21:01

thansk you two

OP posts:
tribpot · 09/11/2007 21:03

PC - just hoping you're okay, we want you well my love! Take good care xxx

Original poster
PaperChain · 09/11/2007 21:03

I know - and I am trying....

OP posts:
tribpot · 09/11/2007 21:04

You go girl

Original poster
PaperChain · 09/11/2007 21:05

lololol

OP posts:
tribpot · 09/11/2007 21:09

Wouldn't it be great to live the life of an Oprah person? You could get up in the morning. DC could say "mom [gak] I opened the box of Rice Krispies" you could punch the air and shout "you go DC! You rock the house!". Fast forward to getting shoes on for school. DC says "Mon [gak] I have my shoes" "Props to you, homes, you are the bomb!!!" Etc.

Props to you my love! You are the bomb! Word! (etc) (We've been doing gangsta talk at work and I think I haven't fully recovered yet).

Original poster
PaperChain · 09/11/2007 21:11

rofl trib!!

OP posts:
Original poster
PaperChain · 09/11/2007 21:13

I think I shall go to bed

I have had half a bottle of wine, and without any supper and the pills I am on, feels like a lot more, so I think I will stop beofre I get to that 'dangerous'stage.

OP posts:
tribpot · 09/11/2007 21:15

Oh my god, this is utterly inappropriate, but I hope it will make you laugh - I am 100% behind Björn Borg's Pants for Peace initiative

Word, yo.

tribpot · 09/11/2007 21:16

You go [to bed] girl. You have the right plan. xx

Original poster
PaperChain · 09/11/2007 21:17

trib what are you on this evening?!

OP posts:
tribpot · 09/11/2007 21:19

Honestly - nothing! We are off to Amsterdam tomorrow but I am not 'self-medicating' (shall we say) in anticipation, I have just been doing way too much gangsta talk in the office.

Fo sho.

Etc.

Pants for Peace, G!

Original poster
PaperChain · 09/11/2007 21:21

trib you go girl!!!! and goodluck for the journery etc

OP posts:
tribpot · 09/11/2007 21:23

Cheers - am sure it will be nightmarish, and not involve inappropriate whooping, but we do what we can.

Original poster
PaperChain · 13/11/2007 18:16

this gets harder. I havent spoken to my dc since last Friday morning. I cant bring myself to ring up though. I'd have to speak to my in laws first and I just cant face that. But I am missing the DSs so much. I am not missing DH though, well not yet.

This has been a strange few days, and I know I am not half way through the week yet. Each day it feels different. How I just wish things could be different. I wish I had never had to go into hospital and leave my boys for so long. They have changed since the summer and I wont know them when I see them next

OP posts:
DumbledoresGirl · 13/11/2007 20:46

PC

I have tried to msn you but my pc is not allowing me to sign in, or then, when it does, and I write a message, it doesn't send, so I can't speak to you tonight. But I couldn't let you go without letting you know I had read this thread, and your last post in particular.

I think you need, and I mean NEED, to get in touch with your boys. I can understand you do not want to speak to your in laws (though even they have no right to keep you from your children and if you were feeling a bit stronger, I would recommend simply taking the bull by the horns and ringing them and saying nothing to them but simply "Can you put me on to X and X?" They can't deny you access.

But I can understand you don't feel strong enough to do this. So this is what I suggest. Text dh and tell him you want to speak to the children and ask him to arrange for them to ring you. Is he getting home before they go to bed? If so, then would be a good time. If not, then you might have to ask him to get his parents to arrange it. You might even have to speak to them yourself. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Don't let them get in the way of you and your boys.

If the absolute worst comes to the worst and you cannot face the in laws and your dh is not home when the boys are up, you will have to hang on until the weekend, but you are nearly half way there and you can wait that long.

Last thought: can one of your friends ring for you?

Original poster
PaperChain · 14/11/2007 11:21

Thanks DG for the thoughtful message. I thought I would get dh to ring in the morning and put the DSs on to me.

I am busying myself spring cleaning the house and making sure I achieve something, however little, every day - but I am also using my old, bad coping strategies - drink, self harm, food...

OP posts:
magnolia74 · 14/11/2007 11:34

Oh I have been exactly where you are

Me and dh seperated in 2001 for a year. I was the one to leave and left the 3 girls with him Looking back I was in such a terrible place emoitionally and would not have coped at all if I had been left with the children.

I didn't speak to them for 2 weeks and it was awful and then after that I moved in with my parents (a few roads away from dh) and had the girls there for 2 nights a week.

This went on for a year while I was treated for depression and eventually sorted myself out and became strong enough to cope. I finally realised just how much I loved Dh and was so very very thankful that he was strong enough to wait for me while being a single dad to 3 girls.

We have been back together now for over 5 years and have 2 more children.

Your coping stratagies sound familiar and I am hoping you are being offered the help to overcome these?

Thinking of you xxxx

Original poster
PaperChain · 14/11/2007 12:49

thanks for your message. I am sorry to hear your story.

I feel numb about it all today. And I know when I feel numb it isnt a good sign

OP posts:
anorak · 14/11/2007 13:00

Hello PC, I'm sorry things are so troubled. Have been thinking of you and wondering how you are. Hope you can find some peace while you're alone. xx

DumbledoresGirl · 14/11/2007 13:00

Stay strong PC. Re talking later as you suggested on msn, yes, just let me know when. I don't get much time to myself when dh is away but I can kick the kids off the pc if you need me, or maybe talk about 8 ish?

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