I think I might be getting gaslit

[KingAndQueen]

Just that. I can't believe I'm typing this. I thought I had finally met a good and decent DP. Lately he's been so angry. I put it down to my own mental health struggles and his admittance he can't cope with me as I'm always 'depressed'. I'm trying, I really am. Today I was prescribed Prozac.

This morning I woke up early and made us both breakfast as usual. I had to nip out for a bit to collect said Prozac and as I went to leave he completely ignored me. I said bye, ignored.

I got into car and started driving. Such is my anxiety that I called him to apologise (I somehow felt it was my fault there was some animosity, even though I knew I hadn't done anything wrong, I just wanted to put it right). He hung up on me.

Tbh these types of events right now send me over the edge. Instead of carrying on driving, I turned and came home. I just wanted everything to be ok and I didn't understand. Do I sound unhinged?

He was incandescent with rage. His eyes were so scary, booming with anger. He said I was just to leave him fucking alone. I said I didn't understand, all I did was make breakfast and say bye.

At this point he got up and threw his laptop.

I'm sitting here numb and with tears rolling down my face. I've had an abusive relationship before and to me, this feels like the beginning of another.

I can't understand what I did wrong, yet here I am apologising, driving back because of my anxiety, to ensure he is ok. This is not ok?

Please help, I'm a mess

Oh love. Throw this one back in the sea.

It’s not you. It really isn’t.

I wouldn’t be surprised if you MH struggles disappear in a puff of smoke when he goes, as well.

I'm so scared @JensonsAcolyte I don't know what I've done to incite this kind of reaction I'm not one, but two men.

The common denominator is me

Silent treatment, throwing of the laptop and the rage are all signs of abuse.

This is absolutely not okay and you should leave him before it gets worse.

Really sorry this happened to you.

You’re in another abusive relationship
Can you go stay with a friend or family?

This is NOT YOUR FAULT, I repeat, this is NOT YOUR FAULT.

What’s your housing housing situation OP? Any supportive friends or family?

No, the common denominator is that the men are shitty.
It's not you. It's them. They are abusive.
Have my first ever LTB.

Some time without him may see you not needing the pills.... He isn't adding greatness to your life is he?

@KingAndQueen

I'm so scared *@JensonsAcolyte* I don't know what I've done to incite this kind of reaction I'm not one, but two men.

The common denominator is me

Do you have low self esteem? Are you a people pleaser and try to make others happy? I notice in your post that you were the one making repeated efforts to sort the issue out while he ignored your attempts and eventually responded with rage.

Not victim blaming but there are some horrible men who will sense out your type and take advantage of their good nature. Take care op.

It's not your fault at all.

He doesn't want to be with you. You need to get out immediately. Your first responsibility is to yourself and to your own self-care and mental health. You are in a seriously dysfunctional and unhealthy relationship with this man.

Please take a look at The Freedom Programme. www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

You can also contact Women's Aid if you need advice about leaving safely. www.womensaid.org.uk

That is not okay behaviour from him. You deserve better.

What's your housing situation, OP? Did he move in with you?

You are not being gaslit. That is much more subtle and coercive. This is full on emotional abuse and is completely unacceptable behaviour. You need to find the strength to do something about it. The prozac might help. Have you got real life help and support. Could you ring Women's aid?
Have you got children?

Oh you poor love.
Not YOU.
LTB

Throwing his laptop is unacceptable
But he may just be feeling overwhelmed with your depression. How long have you been together?

Yes he's gaslighting you. He's making you into this mess. Bin him and you'll not need the prozac.
I'm reading this book 'In Control: Dangerous Relationships and How They End in Murder' by Jane Monkton-Smith. It should be read by every woman over 16 tbh. It's about coercive control.

It's not the beginning of an abusive relationship, you are already right in the middle of a fully formed abusive relationship.

Get him gone and you'll feel much less anxious and unwell. Google "the headworker" and "coercive control".

I'm still sitting here just stunned at it all. Thank you al for your replies, I knew in my head what the truth was, just needed it written down to reaffirm.

This isn't the first episode. About six months ago he screamed in my face tuck you and get out of this house. 😢

With regards to my low self esteem: yes. My parents weren't very loving I guess and all I want is to love and be loved. I feel because of this I've accepted things like this.

I'm sitting here in fear about what to do next. All my friends have been shit. Disappeared in last year, maybe got their own problems.

I don't have anyone I can turn to

Who owns the property. if he wants you to leave him alone, then do that, never see him again, sorry, not sure if you have DC together.

Get rid of this loser. He's doing you no favours and probably to blame for a lot of your anxiety

This is textbook abuse and sounds just like my exH.

What a wanker. Please stay safe... contact someone you trust most and make plans to safely leave him. I'm still healing, but am so glad I'm out!

As pp said, it's just straight up abuse. And you are already in an abusive relationship, its fully formed. It was fully formed 6 months ago when he screamed on your face.

I don't have anyone I can turn to

Yes you do, Women's Aid. You are the reason they exist. Please contact them, they will support you and help you with whatever you decide to do.

None of this is your doing, he is the abusive one. You aren't doing anything to anger him, he's finding any excuse he can to make you feel shit about yourself.

You will more than likely find your mental health improves greatly once you are not being abused anymore and your self esteem improves. Does your GP know your situation?

@Sicario

He doesn't want to be with you. You need to get out immediately. Your first responsibility is to yourself and to your own self-care and mental health. You are in a seriously dysfunctional and unhealthy relationship with this man.

Please take a look at The Freedom Programme. www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

You can also contact Women's Aid if you need advice about leaving safely. www.womensaid.org.uk

This! Definitely do the freedom programme and take some time out to work on your self esteem. You may well find that you feel less depressed and more content in yourself. Men like this are harmful, walk away.