Help me. Abusive husband. No support. Threatening to take children away.

[Illhavethecoconutchoc]

He wants to take our children to non-hague country. He said I have caused all the problems and I don't deserve to be part of the family. It is my fault. I have left them down and I don't have their interest at heart. All because of a petty grocery order. I'll wake up and they will all be gone. What do I do? How have I got myself in this situation? I feel sick. Please don't tag me.

Obviously be careful about clearing your history and cache with these links;

www.policeconduct.gov.uk/sites/default/files/Documents/research-learning/Silent_solution_guide.pdf

childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/abduction/

The practical advice is really helping. I am calming down, reading all the links and registered with the police. I can't believe re-reading my posts, it is bad isn't it?

Yes it’s bad if he’s threatening to “disappear” (kill) you and kidnap the kids.

You know that men like this don't say things they don't mean. He's terrifying.

How long has he lived here? Do you know much about his background? I'm only asking because the fact he even thinks of saying he could make you disappear really doesn't sound the sort of thing a non-criminal would say.

If you think your children will be taken out of the country, call the police, if you are in the UK on 999.

Text the word 'register' to 999 and this allows you to text the emergency services from your mobile phone. Might be handy if you cannot talk without being overheard.

You can do this, good luck

How scary. I have no better advice than the others - women’s aid should be your first point of call I think. If you are able to take the children alone “to the supermarket” and not return this sounds very wise, but do be very careful!

Would he expect to accompany you + dc to a Dr appointment? Could you email the HV? Authorities need to know you need help.

Please leave now. Check into a hotel if needs be, or go to a police station. You can get the stuff you need another time. You are at real risk here. Please please get out.

Oh dear/ get out whatever way you can.

If you have enough money independently the. Take the kids off to an air B and B or hotel then seek legal advice and domestic abuse advice.

If you don’t have money maybe just take the kids abs go to the local social care office/housing and ask for emergency help.

I am just so fearful that he will take them and hide. How can I stop him. He will get access I'm sure as it is only directed against me and not the children. I will find space to speak to women's aid. It seems so insurmountable and exhausting. Somehow it has made it more real writing it down like this.

Leave to a refuge with DC, file a prohibitive steps order to say they can't be removed due to threats.

I guess no contact until it goes to court due to the threats.

Can you text him about the threats so you have it in writing???

Take your kids and run, in the middle of the night if needs be. Everything else you have can be replaced. Go straight to the police explain everything you said on here, they will put you in tough with a refuge and women's aid. Take whatever you can wear hide but nothing more. Get out before he does this to you!

Here's the Women's Aid email address.

If he wants to punish you, then taking the children is the most powerful thing he can do.

Is he here legally? Hate to ask this but if he's not then that makes things much easier.

Does he take the key to the safe with him to the childminders?

Wow op hope you're ok. Can you get hold of the key while hes asleep? Can you 'nip to the shop' tomorrow and go and get your babies from the childminders and run? Obviously with help from women's aid/police? And you in the UK? Travel is banned atm but I wouldn't be taking any chances. Hope you're ok

Don't worry about him getting access. His threats are very serious and will be taken very seriously by the family court. You need to ensure yours and the children's safety urgently and worry about all the other things later. If things are escalating don't wait for them to / hope they will calm down. People will believe you and help you - no matter how powerful you feel he is - he is not more powerful than the law.

I'm okay. House is quiet and I'm enjoying the stillness. I just can't believe this is happening. It always feels so sureal afterwards, and then doubts start creeping in. Tonight was terrible as I can't risk my children being taken away. I feel this thread has given me permission to do something and was the prod I needed to realise that this is serious. I need to get the key somehow too.

You need to go to a refuge with the children and worry about the paperwork later.
Have you spoken to anyone?

When will he be due for vaccination? Could that be an opportunity if you’re clever and organised and ready to move fast?

I hope you’re starting to form a plan OP.

Don’t forget to take off his access to find my iPhone etc. People can track you that way without you knowing - if you decide to leave that is.

How are you op? Did you contact womens aid?

Please don't blame yourself OP. Abusers are skilled at what they do.