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Original poster

He is always mentioning his ex

28 replies

Needswillpower · 31/03/2021 13:41

Hi just after a bit of advice. Been in a relationship around a year with my ex Fwb. This is my first proper relationship so I’m very inexperienced. BF has a grown up Son he spilt with he ex almost 20 years ago but still doesn’t seem over her. In the past he may mention oh me and Adele went there once or I used to go to that pub with her. Anyway, recently it’s happening more and more that he will mention what car they owned together, a piece of furniture they had and talks about the house they lived in together. Basically at this moment I want to tell him to stop mentioning her and f##k off. I don’t want to come across as insecure but also I’m not being a doormat when he’s clearly not over her.

OP posts:
StephenBelafonte · 31/03/2021 13:43

Ah this is easy to cure. Every single time he says "Adele" say "who?" and make him repeat it. When you do this he'll soon realise how often he's saying her name. Seriously, try it. It's just a bad habit people get into but if you bring it to their attention they (usually) reflect on it.

Original poster
Needswillpower · 31/03/2021 13:45

Thank you I will give it a try.

OP posts:
StephenBelafonte · 31/03/2021 13:47

Come back here and tell us how it goes. Seriously, repeat "who?" every single time he says her name, or even better say "Adele who?"

StephenBelafonte · 31/03/2021 13:49

You have to say it about 20 times before the penny drops but it's a very satisfying moment when the penny does drop! You can see it clicking in their brain when they finally get what your saying, without you actually saying it if that makes sense.

Original poster
Needswillpower · 31/03/2021 14:05

I’m on the verge of telling to to shut the eff up but will give that a go first. Whatever way I say it he will probably see his arse anyway.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 31/03/2021 14:10

You might want to think about whether this is the sort of relationship you want, OP. It's your first relationship and he's talking about his ex all the time - you deserve so much more.

Newbie96 · 31/03/2021 14:14

Needswillpower just wanted to say you are not insecure about this, it's completely normal to feel something if your partner keeps mentioning their ex-partner.
Other than said ex has he not had many relationships? maybe it really is because he has nothing else to compare to if you get what I mean? but 20 years ago!!? id feel the same and want to tell him to shut the fuck up too but maybe try the above first.
You got this x

seensome · 31/03/2021 14:16

1st warning - can we not talk about ex's anymore

2nd - lalala not listening/responding

3rd - Shut up! I've had enough, I'm moving on to someone that cherishes what we do together.

Thingsdogetbetter · 31/03/2021 14:18

20 YEARS? Has he don't nothing in the last twenty years that is worth mentioning more than his life with his ex of two decades ago?

Ex-mentioning is one thing, but if he is still doing it after 20 years there is something seriously bizarre going on.

I won't bother trying the 'cure'. I'd get out before the seriously bizarre stuff starts coming out! Do you look like her by any chance?

Thingsdogetbetter · 31/03/2021 14:18

*has he done nothing

cheeseismydownfall · 31/03/2021 14:24

Is there a big age gap here OP, if this is your first proper relationship and he has a grown-up son from an ex of 20 years ago?

I'm not saying that a big age gap in itself is necessarily an issue, but I think it can be a bit of a red flag when there is a huge disparity in life experience - it might not be the healthiest dynamic. Are there any other issues in your relationship apart from this?

SpacePotato · 31/03/2021 14:25

Is there a big age gap if it's your first relationship, going off your username and the fact he has a grown up son?

He clearly isn't over her after 20 bloody years if he's still got mentionitis. You can do better than being 2nd best to his ex.

SpacePotato · 31/03/2021 14:25

Ha ha xpost.

Original poster
Needswillpower · 31/03/2021 14:25

I have never met her but I know she walked out on him. He’s had a couple of str since both around the year mark but he seems to have rose tinted glasses on regarding his previous relationship.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 31/03/2021 14:27

I agree. Ask who. If he says Adele. Say I thought you got divorced from her 20 years ago.

Original poster
Needswillpower · 31/03/2021 14:29

No, only 4 years I was eternally single (by choice) and was quite content that way. I’m now riddled with anxiety constantly as historically he ended things a few times. I have posted previously with a bit of background info. Thank you all for your advice.

OP posts:
PussGirl · 31/03/2021 14:33

I'm assuming he is a lot older than you, but he sounds very juvenile.

Original poster
Needswillpower · 31/03/2021 14:37

I’m 45 he’s 49

OP posts:
Sagittarius12 · 31/03/2021 17:31

@Needswillpower there is nothing more frustrating!!! I am just out of a relationship with a guy who constantly spoke about his ex. It would be anything from “she done this” “she said this” “we bought this”.

We started seeing eachother only a few months after they properly broke up and they were together 8 years. Apart from that the relationship was great, no issues. After an amazing weekend together out of the blue he text me saying he can’t see me anymore as he needs to “work on himself”. I’m not saying it’s anywhere near the same situation but I’m 99% sure he wasn’t over her and jumped into another relationship too quickly.

I would maybe have a chat with him just to find out how he’s feeling and it might give you peace of mind that he is completely over it. Sadly, I don’t think mine was but as I said completely different situation. Either way I hope it works out for you x

Original poster
Needswillpower · 31/03/2021 17:35

@Sagittarius12 unfortunately I don’t think there is a future for us. We have been seeing each other for almost five years and nothing has changed. I don’t believe he actually gives a shit about me he certainly acts that way. I feel like a placeholder until he finds someone he prefers x

OP posts:
Original poster
Needswillpower · 31/03/2021 17:36

And @Sagittarius12 sorry to hear about your relationship and I hope you are ok x

OP posts:
crimsonlake · 31/03/2021 17:41

If it was a new relationship I would say he was not over his ex, but this is different. Agree with the suggestion to constantly say 'who' but I suppose after 5 years of this you have left it a bit late.

user1481840227 · 31/03/2021 17:45

I don’t want to come across as insecure but also I’m not being a doormat when he’s clearly not over her.

Why would you settle for this?
If you hint or tell him to stop mentioning her then he still won't be over her if it's so clear, so why would you want to be in a relationship with him anyway?

Wanderlusto · 31/03/2021 17:50

Well tbf if he 'doesnt actually give a shit' about you after 5 years together then surely his mentionitis is just the cherry on the already shitty cake.

Sagittarius12 · 31/03/2021 17:55

He probably does care about you - he might not even realise he’s doing it. As I said my situation is different as we hadn’t been together that long but it still annoyed me the constant mentioning. I actually wish I had maybe said something at the start now but hey ho. I will be fine and whatever the outcome of this is, you will be tooSmilex