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Relationships

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Original poster

Who enjoys marriage?

68 replies

FruitLoopzz · 30/03/2021 12:16

I’m quite an independent person. I’ve always worked better on my own so naturally a marriage is hard work for me.

I wondered who generally enjoys marriage? Also, any tips on how to make every day easier?

Pick your battles - this is a big one.
Adjust to OH way of doing things - trying.
Be more loving - I can be quite detached.

Thanks 😊

OP posts:

Torres10 · 31/03/2021 16:45

Nope, like a few others the cracks are becoming chasms as the children become more independent!
I am planning my freedom, by putting a little savings by, starting to develop hobbies and cultivating my friendships more carefully than I have done..
My dream..my own place with a little garden, owned & decorated by me..Wouldn't rule out a fwb, but only if he was a super handy at DIY :)

Theatic · 31/03/2021 18:49

Torres I've been thinking along the same lines but I have a long way to go. I have been a sahm for years and not really ventured much outside of the home. How old are your dc...mine are still young (pre-schooler)?
I think I am paralysed by the thought of being alone and not having much of my own life other than dc doesn't help. I figured it would be good to work at developing my life outside of the home either way - a bit of wake up call over lockdown.

Lullaby88 · 31/03/2021 18:52

I enjot marriage sometimes and sometimes i hate it. Its very inconsistent. We fall out and distant then make up and we are close. For the reason its inconsistent i hate it. For the reason we care, work together we trust eachother i like it. Its hard to find a decent guy these days.

Theatic · 31/03/2021 19:09

Its hard to find a decent guy these days.

I've reached this conclusion too.

BatleyTownswomensGuild · 31/03/2021 19:52

Married 15 years next week.

Sometimes there are days that feel like we are working a babysitting rota. Or spending a lot of time discussing fixing shelves, switching car insurance etc. That's just the reality of adult life - there's a lot of just 'getting shit done'. But I have no regrets. For all the mundanities of life, there's no one who makes me laugh as much as my DH. We make a good team.

Torres10 · 31/03/2021 20:01

@Theatic my kids are older, at secondary, but I have been chugging along this train track about 5 years, trying to improve stuff. Now I realise, we are just very different, though neither of us bad people. I want to live life on my terms, I don't really want another man to look after either, I want to go enjoy myself and I don't need a man to do that, though it's taken a few years to realise that!

Lockeddownagain · 31/03/2021 20:08

At this moment of time I hate being married my husband has totaly overreacted and sworn at me in front of our child. I am beyond livid as he is so calm and rational about everything except one household thing that has had always needed control off I toom co tell of it today and he swore at me. I have decided not to talk to him about it I usually fight back so that's what hell expect me to do so I'm not going to do to it let's see how hell handle that one. Usually it's great but in the.moment of time he behaved like a moron

Amdone123 · 31/03/2021 20:25

I like being married ( 30 years). We've been through a lot and had many problems over the years, but we've worked through them. We are soul mates, I believe. We took our marriage vows seriously, raised a lovely boy, and are now proud grandparents. It's pretty amazing. My siblings have divorced their partners, and I think it's sad that they see their grandchildren separately.
We're very different, almost opposites. I like reading, he likes films, etc. We don't share the same sense of humour, and I don't see him as my best friend. My sister is my best friend. We do things together, but we're not joined at the hip. We have had lovely holidays together, but also holiday separately.

We both agree that this will be our one and only marriage. I know we don't know for certain how we would feel should something happen to one of us, but I couldn't imagine being with someone else. I wouldn't know what to do!
He only ever wants me to be happy, and I adore him for that. We have the same values, too. We don't take anything for granted, knowing that life is short and life is for living.

Over the years, we have also come to realise that there is no point in worrying. We don't sweat the small stuff.

Wriggleout · 31/03/2021 20:33

I'm going exactly like you OP. Just not that good at being affectionate. It's a real effort. Although I'm quite cuddly with the kids

Somuddled · 31/03/2021 20:41

This is such an interesting thread. Really appreciate people sharing their view. I love being married. Being with my husband has doubled the fun and halved the shit in my life. We get on brilliantly and have high respect for each other so I'm guessing that helps. Everyone told us marriage would be hard, involve comprising, lots of patience blah blah blah. It hasn't been. We spend time together, we spend time apart, we want the best for each other and always chat through an argument. I won't settle for less and nor would he so very clear that if/when it isn't working for one of us that's it.

DenisetheMenace · 31/03/2021 20:42

Married for 32 years. Cooped up together for a year. He still makes me laugh so much that I snort tea through my nose.
Love it, can’t imagine my life having been any other way.

superwoman232 · 31/03/2021 20:52

I hate my abusive husband so we are divorcing, can't wait to die alone. I would never remarry or live with someone. Happy to have a sexual partner(s)

TheOneWithTheBigNose · 31/03/2021 21:01

I love being married, and I think what it boils down to is that DH enhances my life rather than making any aspect of it more difficult.
He more than pulls his weight in terms of housework/childcare, he’s kind, caring, interesting... I enjoy the time we spend together. I like my own space sometimes and so does he, so while it’s difficult with three young children we always facilitate that for each other.
He is more physically affectionate than me (again, I think it’s down to the 3 young children, I’m often ‘touched out’) but we’ve come to a happy compromise. I have had to make a conscious effort to not be as ‘cold’ (like you OP I could often just walk past without a glance), but actually I enjoy the increased physical affection). It doesn’t feel like hard work, although of course we have our tough times.

BigFatLiar · 31/03/2021 21:46

Marriage is good, well having a partner you love and trust is.
It was fun when we were younger, going out and learning about what each other enjoyed sexually. Then the kids came and we took a back seat and out came mum and dad, he was and is a really good dad. The kids have left home so we're back to being us again. Now married nearly 33 years. We have similar likes and dislikes, the main thing we differ on is holidays. I like exotic type holidays 'see the world', he's quite happy with days out and the occasional overseas trip. Now we have some separate holidays and some together. He's always been supportive of me and keen for me to be the best I can. He's a great big softy who loves me and the girls and now GC, wouldn't be without him.

gutinstinctlpl · 31/03/2021 23:00

I love being married to dh. We've also promised each other to keep communication open and honest and we work brilliantly as a team. Sex has only gotten better in the 10 years we've been together. I think it helps that we can be vulnerable with each other and can have a bad day and know the other won't hold it against us. It makes the relationship very natural because we aren't ever pretending to be something we aren't. And saying all that noone can make me laugh more than dh and I frequently end up with a sore stomach from laughing so much. He is the best thing that's ever happened to me.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 01/04/2021 08:22

Being married to DH was wonderful. But I think that was because I was married to him, rather than just because I was married, if that makes sense. Now widowed, I don't see myself ever with another man. I would feel disloyal having sex with anyone else, I like that DH was the last person. Also I might be a bit lonely but better that than in a crap relationship.

moanieleminx · 02/04/2021 06:48

I love being married. To be honest, I was engaged before I met him and it never felt easy or quite right, so we split up. I met DH and we married within a year. It just felt right. We have a pretty easy going marriage, 20 years, and we have 4DC.

We are good in a crisis together which helps and we both like different things so no living in each other's pockets.

He's my best friend but not my only friend.
I have the most active social life (when covid allows) but DH is ok with this.

We both love curling up at the end of the day and having a couple of glasses of wine together.

Our days are quite full with the kids, we both study and are working full time but I am genuinely looking forward to retirement with him.

Isitreally17777 · 03/04/2021 08:30

@Wriggleout

I'm going exactly like you OP. Just not that good at being affectionate. It's a real effort. Although I'm quite cuddly with the kids

I like being affectionate it just never felt right with my ex (many reasons why), but with male friends I had no problem being affectionate and cuddling them. I met a guy recently and the bit that felt the nicest was him cuddling me, kissing me and holding my hand.

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