Boyfriend has a strange relationship with his baby’s mum?

[Lulabelle21]

So I’m just posting for some guidance really.

I met a lovely guy 7 months ago. We hit it off right away, we made it official early on. He had a baby with someone he wasn’t in a relationship with and he admitted they were still ironing out some issues with co parenting but for the most part he said they got on fine.

Early on he said he told her out of respect for her he wouldn’t get in a relationship straight away, because she had feelings for him but he didn’t feel that way with her. I let it go even though I felt uncomfortable she didn’t know I was around.

Then I found out he actually lied about the nature of their relationship when she was pregnant they tried to make it work but to him it was clear they wouldn’t. That caused a big argument because he did not have to lie. He obviously did it to make me feel better about the situation.

Lastly I used his phone and saw his last call was to her, I looked and they had been on the phone for two hours late at night. All of these things together don’t make sense to me. He’s told me I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to him, we spoke about moving nearer his baby together. It’s not a competition at all and the fact he’s lied about this situation makes me very weary but I’m very much in love with him, I know he feels the same way. He doesn’t like when I bring this up because to him he knows he doesn’t feel that way about her. How do I approach this without looking so insecure

Seems like maybe it's him who has feelings for her but he's reversing it to make it look like it's her just to avoid being confronted In
this relationship with you .

He sort of framed it like he doesn’t know what she will do if she finds out lol!

He made such a show of him deleting all women from his social media double lol! we spent literally every day together unhealthy.

This guy sounds immature and full of shit. If there's nothing going on there's no need to lie. How do you know you can trust anything he says?

It seems like he's enjoying having two women doing the pick me dance. He knows his ex wants more, and they've tried to make it work (or maybe still are), and he knows the OP has fallen for the "I'm a good dad but need to sort things with my awful ex" sob story.

Healthy relationships aren't built on foundations of lying in their early days and making a show of deleting women off social media.

You're worth so much more than this OP.

All three of you sound very immature.
He's lying to to you about her and hiding you from her and stringing you both along.

He made such a show of him deleting all women from his social media
Are you both 13? Why would he feel he need to make a show of this?

The baby is one. Why hasn't proper contact been sorted out yet?
If you want to be with him he needs to grow up, tell his ex about you and get contact and maintenance sorted out officially.
If I was you I really wouldn't bother though. Find someone you can trust and doesn't make you feel insecure.

Your clearly the ow and he's having his cake and eating it.

No one is so desperate for a man in their lives they'd take up with a Jeremy Kyle bloke like this?

He had no business dating and is probably still with her.

Get rid of him and raise your bar.

He's lying to you and he's lying to the mother of his child. I know what I would do.

So he used to stay over at hers to care for his baby... then he sacked that off for a new girlfriend?

Wtf. Our kid is one. DH barely has time to go take a shit when the toddler is awake and he’s not at work, it’s that full on amongst supervising and playing and cooking and feeding and cleaning up and bathing and changing. And you’re spending every day together? How?

He used to have the baby for days at a time... okay, does he now?

He’s clearly stringing you along but even if he wasn’t he sounds deeply unattractive. When you’re dating a man with a one year old and he’s spending every day with you there’s a reason for that. He isn’t parenting properly. Deadbeat. My fanny dried up just reading this thread.

The comment about the bond is sort of true. DH had a bond with his awful ex because she was the mother of two of his children. It didn't mean that he liked her, or even was in her life in any meaningful way, and he didn't like to think that there was anything connecting them (she had behaved terribly towards him and the children), but there was. He had a bond with me too and if we had separated for whatever reason, we would still be parents of a child. It is a unique bond. But that doesn't mean a man cannot commit fully to a relationship once having left the other one.

In this case though I would be very surprised if he had left the relationship with his ex fully. Otherwise why wouldn't she know you exist if he had nothing to hide?

So he used to stay over at hers to care for his baby... then he sacked that off for a new girlfriend?

Can you see this OP? It's really shitty behaviour on his part and says an awful lot about his character.

I’d say they have a very on and off relationship and that’s why she doesn’t know about you. I’m sore OP but from what I’ve read it sounds like he’s using you to pass time until she comes around properly etc.

You sound young and naive (we’ve all been there!) and I think if I was you I’d split up with him and focus on having fun, meeting new people etc. This woman isn’t just an ex, she’s the mother of his child so she’s always going to be in his life.

Just out of interest, where did you meet this guy?

Did you happen to bump into each other or was he actively looking on dating sites for example? after telling his ex "out of respect for her" he wouldn't get into a relationship straight away.

I agree with mixedupfiles, he shouldn't have had time for dating when the baby was 5 months old, also clearly he didn't have 'respect for her' if he was lying to her and about her.

I would find it very difficult to believe anything he said!