Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Ex and facebook

30 replies

HipsterHippo · 28/03/2021 16:51

My recent ex and I are no longer fb friends, however he is still friends with members of my family.
I asked him to delete them as well and he said he would but he hasn't. I don't get why he wants to keep a link with them when he doesn't want to with me?

I realise I sound about 12 years old moaning about Facebook but I'm hurting and confused

OP posts:

Hadjab · 28/03/2021 16:52

Why don’t your family delete him from FB?

Happycat1212 · 28/03/2021 16:53

Shouldn’t it be your family deleting him

Happycat1212 · 28/03/2021 16:53

I would be more confused about why my family kept my ex on tbh.

pog100 · 28/03/2021 16:56

It depends on why you split, how long together and how acrimonious it was. I've stayed in touch, by Facebook and other SM, with Ex's of my children, as they had become friends independently and the splits were no one's fault. Obviously I'm sensitive about how I do it but it can be hard to drop people that have become part of your life when you had no choice about it.

Original poster

HipsterHippo · 28/03/2021 16:57

I wasnt sure if asking family (and a few friends) to delete him would be a bit weird.
Thinking about it i am surprised they haven't done it automatically actually. They all like him so maybe they don't want to

OP posts:

Original poster

HipsterHippo · 28/03/2021 17:05

@pog100 That is what I was thinking i guess. Do I have the right to tell everyone to cut him out of their lives, just because he has cut me out of his? Then on the other hand they are my family and wouldn't they want to do what Is best to support me?
I agree it can be hard to drop people who have become part of your life when have no choice, but then that is what I've had to do when ex left me, so I'd expect my family to do the same

OP posts:

SarahBellam · 28/03/2021 17:11

Why shouldn’t he stay friends with them? You don’t own them or him.

RootyT00t · 28/03/2021 17:12

@HipsterHippo

I wasnt sure if asking family (and a few friends) to delete him would be a bit weird. Thinking about it i am surprised they haven't done it automatically actually. They all like him so maybe they don't want to

Eh? You'd ask him to delete them but wouldn't ask your family?

You obviously want reasons to speak to him and to make your point to him.

RootyT00t · 28/03/2021 17:13

@SarahBellam

Why shouldn’t he stay friends with them? You don’t own them or him.

🙄

AtrociousCircumstance · 28/03/2021 17:14

Email your friends and family and ask them if it’s ok for them to unfriend him.

It is hard to say goodbye to the partner of a friend/family member if you like them but loyalty should be the first consideration.

Daydrambeliever · 28/03/2021 17:17

Unless he was abusive, a cheat or treated you really badly I don't understand why you would expect friends and family to unfriend him or vice versa. My ex is still friends with all of my family as they were a big part of each others lives for a number of years.

Original poster

HipsterHippo · 28/03/2021 17:19

@RootyT00t You're right I was trying to make a point to him. I fully admit I haven't handled this break up well, but I am learning and improving with no contact. I asked him to because I was confused why he would delete me but not my family.
Anyway I will ask them, and then it's up to them if they want to or not

OP posts:

Daydrambeliever · 28/03/2021 17:21

I think "loyalty" only kicks in if they have treated you badly. Otherwise its just all a bit controlling.

Happycat1212 · 28/03/2021 17:26

Depends why you broke up anyway. Unless he done something awful then I would just leave it.

Namechangeforspring2021 · 28/03/2021 17:29

I would block him so he doesn’t see anything your family tag you in etc but apart from that I wouldn’t say anything.

RootyT00t · 28/03/2021 17:31

[quote HipsterHippo]@RootyT00t You're right I was trying to make a point to him. I fully admit I haven't handled this break up well, but I am learning and improving with no contact. I asked him to because I was confused why he would delete me but not my family.
Anyway I will ask them, and then it's up to them if they want to or not[/quote]
We've all been there. Ignore the snide comments. X

RootyT00t · 28/03/2021 17:32

@Daydrambeliever

I think "loyalty" only kicks in if they have treated you badly. Otherwise its just all a bit controlling.

Mmm

Because staying in contact with the family of an ex you dumped isn't controlling.

Daydrambeliever · 28/03/2021 17:36

Because staying in contact with the family of an ex you dumped isn't controlling.

Im sure in some situations it would be, but in most cases it's more likely they just like them and want to keep in touch.

Original poster

HipsterHippo · 28/03/2021 17:43

A bit of a mixed response.
I'd hate to be thought of as controlling, but I have conflicting thought on the loyalty aspect.
If I could just understand why he wants to keep that contact it might help, but he's free to do what he likes and I will accept that. Just as my family are free to do what they like.
It does kill me though knowing that they can see what he's up to and who he's with and I can't. I need to try to put it all out of my head and focus on moving on.

OP posts:

RootyT00t · 28/03/2021 17:52

@Daydrambeliever

Because staying in contact with the family of an ex you dumped isn't controlling.

Im sure in some situations it would be, but in most cases it's more likely they just like them and want to keep in touch.

And don't care about OPs feelings.

OP, ignore these responses from people who have obviously never had their heart broken

How you feel is normal (and fwiw I'm assuming I'm older than you but I've never once known any decent friends to insist on staying friends with an ex!)

BrilliantBetty · 28/03/2021 17:54

I'd feel the same OP

Original poster

HipsterHippo · 28/03/2021 18:03

Thank you all

I am surprised by the amount of people who think it's normal for family/friends to stay fb friends with an ex, and that it's wrong or controlling to want them not to, but that is why I'm here to hear all thoughts and opinions as I wasn't sure if I was being unreasonable

OP posts:

Happycat1212 · 28/03/2021 18:04

It is normal, unless he don’t something bad then it does seem petty.

RootyT00t · 28/03/2021 18:05

@HipsterHippo

Thank you all

You're not.

People are just mean.

It's perfectly normal to feel how you do.

baileys6904 · 28/03/2021 18:05

Do you have kids? Was it a nasty relationship or ending?

If kids, keeping it amicable is best, including with friends and family. If not, people have also built their own relationship with him. Perhaps they're waiting for things to come to a natural end on Facebook with him or don't want to be seen to picking sides. Maybe they think there's a chance for you both.
I have hundreds of Facebook friends, a lot are on their for politeness as I'm not a. Big user. Perhaps youre over thinking a touch?

Flip

1 2