Does he hate me?

[Jmee]

Hi. I am new to this so i may be doing this wrong. Feeling a bit overwhelmed so just joined. I am currently in a relationship of 16 years with 2 boys. I feel like my partner dislikes me and "puts up with me" Which I know is strange. Every time we have a disagreement he throws the same hurtful comments that I have no friends and I’m a mean and nasty person. Usually I just brush it off but it’s really getting to me as don’t think he is just saying it anymore just to hurt me I think he means it. He tells all his family I’m crazy. I don't want to get get too personal but I feel like he's only nice to me on the days he wants to sleep with me. His tone of voice changed and he is helpful. I work 5 days a week and my life revolves around my children. I don’t really have a social life or friends. He works but also does what he wants when he wants...gym, fishing etc. I’m finding it hard and have joined this chat as I really am starting to worry that I am a bad person. Like why say it all the time if you don't think it? I'd much rather he called me different names

It's not you, it's him. This is unfortunately quite a common pattern, in which one person (often though not always the man ) exerts various types coercive control over their partner, coupled with general disrespect.

There are a lot of people with masses of experience on MN, mostly on the Relationships board - I'm afraid you've come to a quiet and underused corner of the site. MN mods will gladly move your thread to that board if you report it and ask.

You've asked the wrong question. You're questioning yourself. Your question to yourself should be 'do I like this man?'

Hi OP

We're just moving your thread to our relationships topic.

You're in an abusive relationship. Leave

This is an abusive relationship.

Do you really want your boys to grow up thinking this is how women should be treated?

@category12

This is an abusive relationship.

Do you really want your boys to grow up thinking this is how women should be treated?

Yep agree with this. You need to learn to like yourself and then you'll know that you deserve better. I know it's hard, your self esteem sounds so low but you don't deserve to be treated this way, life is too short and you only get the one.

Are you mean and nasty to him when you argue?

Is there a reason you are living with this man who says horrible things about you?

I felt like with my ex. He's creating a reality for you where there's no point of leaving him because you couldn't find anyone else. You obviously could and would.be so much better for it. If you are so incredibly difficult to be with as he makes out, why doesn't he leave? Why does he stay? Maybe you actually have worth and value but he doesn't think he should tell you or show you. He probably hates the positive and amazing qualities you have because he doesn't have them. You deserve much better, someone who sees you for who you are and builds you up not knock you down.

Do you like him? He sounds the nasty one
I expect the reason you don't have many friends is him making you feel unworthy, lose him and I bet your life would greatly improve without him.