My partner keeps accusing me of cheating and it’s really starting to wear me down.
First time he implied I was cheating was when I fell pregnant unexpectedly with dc3. It was a massive shock for both of us as we hadn’t had unprotected sex. I had been away from the weekend with a friend around the same time and oh put 2 + 2 together and made 5. Although he didn’t make a big deal of it at the time I knew he suspected and after our dc was born with unmistakable resemblance to oh and other Dcs he told me that he was relieved that dc was obviously his after all!
When dc3 was still a baby I had a day out with my friends Oh was angry allegedly because I left him with ebf baby, even though I had spent a week persuading dc to take a bottle oh refused to try so I had to keep going home to bf. We ended up having a falling out it turned out he didn’t want me to go out because he thought I was cheating on him because I had been for 6 nights/days out and a weekend away the last 2 years which he thought was excessive. He even told me the person he thought I was cheating with, some guy i vaguely know though the kids school, apparently I once told oh he seemed a ‘nice guy’. I ended up stopping going out at all as it wasn’t worth the hassle.
Over lockdown I’ve not been anywhere socially so oh has been happy but I have been thinking a lot about our relationship and whether I want to continue it, even though things were fine for a while. I know after lockdown I would be back to choosing whether to turn down invitations from friends or living with oh in a huff because I've gone out and he thinks I’m cheating on him.
Anyway it turned out I wasn’t safe from having imaginary affairs in lockdown because he has become suspicious that I am cheating in him when I go out for a run. I have changed the patterns of times that I run recently to fit around other things, I had noticed that oh seemed over interested in my runs when he usually doesn’t show much interest. Then a few days ago I was telling him about something that happened in my run and I said ‘we’ instead of ‘I’. I was really just including the dog in the conversation as she had been with me at the time so seemed rude not to 
. He instantly jumped on it and questioned me about it. Later he sent me a text saying that he was sure I was cheating while I was running because I had been unhappy with him recently and changed times of my runs etc and then when I realised I said ‘we’ I blushed. I probably did blush as I panicked I knowing what he would think.
Im so sick of feeling like I have to justify my whole life to him. I lost all respect for him when he accused me of cheating with a random dad from school and as a result I’m not really emotionally attached to him any more. I’m not sure I can take my Dcs away from their dad over this though. My family also love my OH and wouldn’t be supportive of me leaving him either so I feel quite trapped.