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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My ex has now got verbally abusive

52 replies

Leanne1191 · 27/03/2021 18:40

So yesterday my ex husband showed a new side to him.

He decided to slam the door in my mums face and call her a scummy tramp, a scumbag c* and told her to fuck off and all in front of our children!

My mum has been the middle person for the last 8-10 weeks because I do not want any contact with him what's so ever. He's a typical narcissist. I've been doing so well too, I did post a few weeks ago about him acting different and starting to come to my house, looking for my car, wanting my mum to get me to ring him, buying our 8 & 5 year old a phone and the list goes on. He cheated on me and is with the woman he cheated on me with, I have been through some tough shit with him the last 8 months and it's not been until I've told him which I was advised by the police to change my number, and get a third person involved. Which I have done and now he's getting nasty. I've had to report him to the police yesterday because of what he did and said and in front of our children, it was only last Monday that the police had called him and warned him not to keep coming to my house as I feel uncomfortable in my own home now when he has the kids and is due to bring them back because I'm worried he will just turn up as he has been doing.

I need advice on what to do? He's taking me to court in June as he wants contact set in stone and is now acting like this and being a complete asshole.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 27/03/2021 19:45

Speak to the national domestic violence helpline on how to can a non-molestation or restraining order they probably know better than the police.

That was emotional abuse towards the DC, I would report to social services.

Ardvark111 · 27/03/2021 20:02

Hi sorry to hear of your situation, if you can try record any conversations as it maybe a case of his word v your mum's, I'm sorry to say BUT I'm sure the cops will probably issue him with a PIN temporary police order ban him from any house / contact till court, your right he has burned his bridges,!!

AIMD · 27/03/2021 20:33

Just wondering op if you have a ring doorbell. Might be worth investing in something similar.

queenofthenorthwest · 27/03/2021 20:47

I read your other thread op.

Get a ring doorbell.

Get your mum one of she is the middle person for drop offs.

Sorry you are going through this.

queenofthenorthwest · 27/03/2021 20:47

Ring doorbells record sound of you pay the annual fee. I think it's £29 annually.

Daleksatemyshed · 28/03/2021 10:51

You're doing all the right things @Leanne1191, he's hell bent on getting his own way but you know what will happen if you give in, he'll never leave you in peace. Make sure to report his bad behaviour everywhere for the courts, police, school, ss, anyone who has legal standing because he'll deny everything. So sorry you and your DM have to put up with this, how dare he speak to her like that

Original poster

Leanne1191 · 28/03/2021 19:06

@Daleksatemyshed

You're doing all the right things *@Leanne1191*, he's hell bent on getting his own way but you know what will happen if you give in, he'll never leave you in peace. Make sure to report his bad behaviour everywhere for the courts, police, school, ss, anyone who has legal standing because he'll deny everything. So sorry you and your DM have to put up with this, how dare he speak to her like that

Well he dropped the kids home today, well at my mums and has been very nice to her aswell. So god knows what that is all about......

OP posts:

Original poster

Leanne1191 · 28/03/2021 19:06

@queenofthenorthwest

Ring doorbells record sound of you pay the annual fee. I think it's £29 annually.

Yeah I might get one of them someone else mentioned that.

OP posts:

Original poster

Leanne1191 · 28/03/2021 19:11

@Ardvark111

He was nice as pie today towards my mum. He actually rang her my friend was there just in case she didn't want to talk to him or see him but he phoned her and was absolutely fine....

He's very strange.....

OP posts:

RandomMess · 28/03/2021 19:21

Does he use drugs? Either that or very emotionally unstable.

Either way I wouldn't be letting him have the DC until a court order is arranged.

He sound volatile and dangerous.

Original poster

Leanne1191 · 28/03/2021 19:22

@RandomMess

Does he use drugs? Either that or very emotionally unstable.

Either way I wouldn't be letting him have the DC until a court order is arranged.

He sound volatile and dangerous.

He don't do drugs that I know off?

I think so too.... I'm going to ring social services tomorrow and see what they say about the contact. But he was all nice as pie to my mum on the phone today. Unless someone has spoken to him about his behaviour like his dad? As he stayed there this weekend with the kids.

OP posts:

AIMD · 28/03/2021 22:26

Maybe he’s realised that having the police called because he’s kicked off won’t reflect well in court. So now he’s playing nice as he’s realised he’s fucked up and potentially affected his own case negatively. Anyhow being nice after kicking off Friday is plain odd behaviour. I’m guessing he’s got ulterior motives to his niceness.

TC68 · 29/03/2021 09:56

You can apply to the courts for a non molestation order - so that he does not come to your address www.gov.uk/injunction-domestic-violence/eligibility-non-molestation
Arrange pick up/ collection of your children in a public place
Contact Children's safeguarding team and report the incident your children witnessed - this can be used as evident in the court for contact
Stop all contact if you feel he is a risk to your children
Contact womens aid
Women's Aid: Homewww.womensaid.org.uk

Rainbowshine · 29/03/2021 16:01

I may be being paranoid but get that phone checked. Is he tracking or even listening to you through it? Is that why he is insistent on it for a 5 year old? I don’t know any 5 year olds that have phones. Sorry, not to add to your concerns but if the police come to talk to you, please make them aware of the phone situation. It has safeguarding alarms all over it.

Daleksatemyshed · 29/03/2021 16:07

Hope the Police were helpful today and you're OK Op

Original poster

Leanne1191 · 29/03/2021 16:58

@Rainbowshine

Well I sent the phone back and it's come back.

Police have referred me to the domestic abuse line so I can get an injunction. I have had the call today and I've got to wait till Wednesday to make a statement.

OP posts:

Original poster

Leanne1191 · 29/03/2021 17:00

@Daleksatemyshed

Hope the Police were helpful today and you're OK Op

I've got to wait till Wednesday and I've got to make a statement so I can apply to the courts for an injunction.

OP posts:

FedUpAtHomeTroels · 29/03/2021 17:21

I'd put the phone on silent, can it be switched off too?

Pompom2367 · 29/03/2021 17:29

Op if he keeps returning the phone just turn it off and put it in a drawer apart from at agreed times

Daleksatemyshed · 29/03/2021 17:29

I'd second @FedUpAtHomeTroels, turn the phone off and let the battery die just in case. Make notes for Weds so you don't forget anything.

Original poster

Leanne1191 · 29/03/2021 19:24

@Pompom2367

Op if he keeps returning the phone just turn it off and put it in a drawer apart from at agreed times

It honestly didn't need to be this messy, I'm just sick of it all it's so draining. He chose to leave us for another woman and now he just keeps punishing me for it. I just want to be left alone ☹️

OP posts:

Ardvark111 · 29/03/2021 20:16

@leanne1191 the fact the cops refer you to DA that will carry some weight towards a injunction application tbh the courts had them out like sweets,!! After all it's only a piece of paper and hopefully offer you respite x

Original poster

Leanne1191 · 02/04/2021 19:02

Soo I had the police refer me to the domestic abuse line. They have started a non molestation order. But my solicitor who has been sorting the court case stuff out and the divorce has messaged me and it's really confused me. It's about the molestation order? Here is the email.

Dear,

Thank you for your email of 31 March 2021,

Please find attached amended C1A Allegations of Harm form.

I do not advise you that we should make reference to an Application for a Non Molestation Order within the C1A Allegations of Harm form, as this would essentially put Mr (blah) on notice of your Application, and may stop you from being able to make an Application without notice to him.

Please let me know whether the form is now approved, as amended.

Yours sincerely

(Solicitor)

OP posts:

AIMD · 02/04/2021 19:04

They’re just saying not to let your ex know you are making an application for non molestation order as you want to do it without him knowing about it until he has to.

Ardvark111 · 02/04/2021 20:02

He will and has to be told sooner or later. If your still to pursue a RO. if your not sure 're your sols advice ask him / her,? to say it in lamens terms for you.!! 1 thing for sure a criminal RO paper carrys more weight and more adhered to than a family court order

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