Wants a mortgage, but no sex or affection?!

[J1982828]

Help... been on and off seven years, he’s cheated previously then brought a house without me. We’ve been living together in his house the past year and in that time had sex what 3 times that’s if I’m lucky? I cry my eyes out to him and he doesn’t seem to care yet wants a house together? I love him so much but at breaking point.

He’s told me previously he’s had a problem, so we went doctors. I went with him. He had blood tests and everything done. The doctor said all okay seems normal and prescribed viagra. Said could just be psychological. Still does nothing with me, doesn’t take the viagra or ini-ate anything.

I feel so neglected and hurt. When I bring up why he won’t sleep with me, he shuts me down instantly. I get blunt answers like ‘I dunno do I’ and ‘I’ve got work don’t wanna talk’
Advice :(

Why on earth do you want to be with him ?

And what do you get out of this relationship?

What do you think you deserve to get out of a relationship?

When do you plan to leave this relationship?

It sounds dreadful, J198. I hope you have no children at the moment. Why are you sticking it out?

No children , but it’s not the best relationship. Hides me on facebook too. Doesn’t want to be seen with me.
Unfortunately I’ve held on so long because of the love I feel. Shit situation really :(

Good question. I don’t even know.
I fell in love with his old ways, think I’m still holding on to the memories and what we was

This is not a relationship, it’s a house share.
Save your sanity, OP. Move out. And on.

This made me feel sad. Your confidence must be very low to accept this?? Hardly surprising if he's withholding affection. How does he show he loves you if it at all? You'd be crazy to tie yourself to a mortgage with this guy

I know it’s because I love him, but I realise how bad it is, when won’t even sleep with me. Unfortunately destroyed myself in process and my self confidence is non existent

He's using you, probably as a housekeeper?

You can’t heal in the environment that has poisoned you, OP. This relationship is the reason for your low self-esteem, and it’s trapping you. You need to get out so you can heal. There is nothing to love in a man who hides his relationship with you and doesn’t want you.

It’s really sad to be honest. Confidence is so low. I hate myself. To be honest shown me no love, I go to sleep in same bed, might get an arm wrapped round me if I’m lucky but that’s it

Feels that way

I just feel like I’m going crazy. Asking the impossible. All I wanna do is talk and find out why! Just get shut down instantly and that’s what makes it so hard! I’d rather he said I hate you, don’t love you! Really hurtful stuff... then say nothing and make me wonder which he’s doing now

Feels that way!

You need to leave OP. This is never going to get better. And if you get a mortgage together he may treat you even worse when he's hot what he wants.

Have you got friends and family? Time to think about what advice you would give a friend who described their relationship like this. You’d tell them to leave. There is nothing here for you and your self esteem will continue to be eroded. Life is short, sort out a rental and then take some time to work on what makes you happy

There's a better life out there for you. Take it while you're young. Xxx

The view of an objective stranger here. You can't win. You will recover your self esteem if you leave and you will in time be able to look back and question why you stayed this long. Make your plans to leave and just do it. Break the contact, see how you feel after a few months out. Highly unlikely you would choose this loveless life for yourself.

@J1982828

No children , but it’s not the best relationship. Hides me on facebook too. Doesn’t want to be seen with me. Unfortunately I’ve held on so long because of the love I feel. Shit situation really :(

Get some self respect and leave! You deserve much more than being hidden by someone who doesn't want to be seen with you and doesn't want to have sex with you.

Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life?

You need to stop it and leave. You won't change him. Saying "I love him" is like saying I put up with a shit life because I don't love me. Do you see? He doesn't show love or affection for you. He didn't respect you when he cheated. So if you "love him" you love how he treats you too.
You feel rejected, but this is no reflection on you - it's his problem.
Move out today.

How old are you op? Its easy to say leave but when you feel that worthless, I understand why it'd be hard for you, especially if he's dangling a carrot of a home together but it would be no life. Only worse and you'd be trapped. Op, I think you know you need to leave.

Please walk away from this, pack your bags and move in with family or friends, if you can't do that then start saving and making a plan to leave.
He's never going to change, he has no respect or love for you.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them, say to yourself, "you've shown me who you are and now I see you".
Get out please before he crushes any spark of spirit you have left in you 💐

Advice? Leave!

What the hell are you doing staying in this situation? It’s not even a relationship. It’s as clear as the nose on your face what you need to do.

What is there to at all love about such a man or have you basically confused love with codependency?. He put on an act for you and one he has not ever been able to maintain.

How old were you when you met him and were you at a low point in your life at that time?.

You can only change how you react to him and moving out will be the start of your recovery from all this.

Don’t cry and beg for sex and affection. He’s not going to suddenly change after all this time so you have some important decisions to make.