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Original poster

Partner has bad breath

48 replies

d577ta · 26/03/2021 21:37

Has anyone any ideas of what I should do in this situation. So my partner who I have a child and a mortgage with has bad breath. He has had it for three years and some hints of it before that but did not have this problem when we were dating. It's got to the point that when we are being intimate I'm desperately trying not to think about it and trying not to kiss too much. Obviously I can't leave this man I am totally in love with him. I've tried broaching the subject gently, buying lots of mouthwash, mentioning dentists and then just full on telling him. He says that I'm hurting his feelings and that I like hurting peoples feelings..I'm not sure who is right me or him. To me it's just an fixable thing so if someone tells you, you would sort it. To him maybe he has tried and is just not able to fix it (I noticed him brushing his teeth before sexy time, but honestly it was just worse yuck) so it's along the lines of me calling him fat or something. I don't know what to do now. I have to make this work he is the only man that I've ever had that is as good as he is. I love him totally. We get on completely. So is it a lifetime of trying to fight this feeling of repulse with the bad breath then. Has anyone got the foggiest what I can do. If he is unwilling to change and doesn't think there is a really any problem.

OP posts:
Desmondo2021 · 26/03/2021 21:49

I don't think the issue is the bad breath but the fact that he appears to be completely ignoring what you are telling him.

Is it a dental issue? It's a difficult situation. I think you may have to be cruel to be kind. Tell him a bit stronger that it's repulsive and he needs to sort it out.

Bonheurdupasse · 26/03/2021 21:51

Get him to go to the dentist and Dr.
It could be a symptom of something much more serious.

PersonaNonGarter · 26/03/2021 21:51

He is not doing something that is important to you. He is not solving his bad breath.

Bad breath is not something you are doing to him. It is something HE is doing. So you are only pointing out facts. Keep yourself sane by repeating that it is not you that is causing it. He is.

EugenesAxe · 26/03/2021 21:53

You could just say you can't cope with sex? Then he might do something.

Usually, it's due to tartar build up. Buying him a tongue scraper might help too.

flossletsfloss · 26/03/2021 21:55

Could be tonsil stones!

AnExcellentWalker · 26/03/2021 22:00

It's probably a medical issue. Could be dental - tooth decay, plaque etc. Could be tonsil stones. Could be other issues but not sure what.

FWIW my DH has pretty bad teeth (it's genetic). He has terrible breath when he has tooth decay or a tooth coming out due to bone loss, or when he really needs to visit the hygienist. Instant improvement when it's sorted. He does make a big effort to minimise the effect on me though, lots of mouthwash, & he sleeps facing away from me when it's a problem. And isn't an arse about it.

minipie · 26/03/2021 22:01

Do you think he would react better if you said you’re worried it’s a symptom of something health wise? Tooth decay or stomach issues or something else that needs treating? So you want him to get checked out in case of that?

Kittykat93 · 26/03/2021 22:05

I could not be intimate with someone who has bad breath. If you've tried telling him and hes not doing anything about it I'd just stop being intimate, kissing, having sex etc. And if he asks why just say the bad breath is too much of a turn off.

Absolutelyscunnered · 26/03/2021 22:05

As a pp stated a tongue scraper is well worth getting.

Oral heath is closely linked with cardiac health so it’s important that any issues are addressed.

2021isalsorubbish · 26/03/2021 22:07

Pathetic. So it’s ok for you to have to put up with his smelly breath but not ok for his feelings to be hurt? Tell him until he sorts it out he’s sleeping on the couch.

Workinghardeveryday · 26/03/2021 22:11

Could be coming from his tummy too. Does he smoke?
Try going along the lines of your worried about his health... don’t focus on the breath, you’re worried why it smells different...

autumnalrain · 26/03/2021 22:44

My sister has bad breath. She hates when I mention it too and gets very offended.

The hygienist told her that she has a gap under her molars and food gets trapped there which could cause the smell. It also makes her prone to gum infections too.

BunnyJumper · 26/03/2021 22:57

Op, I have this problem too. My other half is absolutely amazing, and when we got together I think he knew he suffered from bad breath as I think friends have mentioned it to him before. He used to always have mints on him etc!

When I became pregnant I used to smell his breath from far away 😂 and I suffered from nausea terribly during the first trimester so he always kept on top of it.

Anyway...recently it's been terrible. I say recently but it's been for about a year. Yesterday he mentioned how we don't kiss as much as we used to and I told him that it's because he has bad breath. Today a stock pile of Smints arrived in the post! He took it well but I could tell he was hurt.

I have always told him when his breath smells but I am reluctant to do it every single time.

I'm hoping we can come up with another way as I don't want him to get tooth decay from all the mints! Haha. He does have a problem molar which I think needs to come out, but it only periodically causes him issues so once it's dealt with he forgets about it.

Good luck op. I sympathise.

RantyAnty · 26/03/2021 23:11

I wouldn't put up with it at all.
No sex until he goes to the dentist.

They'll get it sorted pretty quick then.

DancesWithCatsnDogs · 26/03/2021 23:11

Absolutely no intimacy until he sees a dentist should do the trick! Other people must notice it too, point it out to him, be blunt. How would you react if it was the other way round? You'd be mortified and do something about it I bet! This needs sorting soon otherwise its going to cause a big rift.

silverbubbles · 26/03/2021 23:14

Send him to the hygienist for a proper clean. It works wonders.

EarthSight · 26/03/2021 23:38

I know it's probably easier said than done, but people who pout and sulk that's been pointed out should grow the hell up. It's totally understandable that anyone would have an issue with this. It's a visceral reaction to the smell of bacteria or rot. It's not ok to shame your partner for mentioning it.

May17th · 26/03/2021 23:43

Does your partner do his teeth twice, floss and use a mouth wash OP?

When did he last go to the dentist??

Just don’t mention it again but I wouldn’t even be sleeping in the same bed!! It’s all part of hygiene and if someone told me I would be hurt but I would sort ASAP!!!

me4real · 27/03/2021 00:05

@silverbubbles is right, he needs to see a dentist/hygienist.

@d577ta Don't let him slide, say you aren't shagging him until he deals with it.

His response of saying you 'like hurting people' was a bit gaslighty and odd. No, you just don't want to be up close to a nasty smell.

Of course it's something that can be fixed.

poufsouffle · 27/03/2021 00:07

My DH gets bouts of bad breath when there's decay. He looks after his teeth now, but didn't when young (and smoked) so now has ongoing issues with fillings falling out etc.
Worst was during the first lockdown with a broken tooth that required surgery, but they wouldn't do due to Covid, it was awful Envy (not envy)

Definitely get him to visit the dentist. My DH starts with the hurt feelings, I just remind him it's actually me caring about his dental health.

Windmillwhirl · 27/03/2021 10:29

No one wants to smell someone else's bad breath. Period.

I had an ex with this problem and I have a friend with it as well - at times it can smell like poop. I even googled it once and there is actual threads on other forums about it.

My ex had very good dental hygiene to the point of obsession. When he mentioned it to his dentist she said maybe the problem was with me Grin Given that his sisters and others have mentioned it to him, I dont think it was my breath bouncing off him....

What does it smell like op? If it's the same smell my ex and friend has, I dont know if there is a 'cure'. Certainly doesn't appear to be from forums I read a few years back.

CuthbertDibbleandGrubb · 27/03/2021 10:56

Get him to go to the dentist. Out of concern for his health.

Original poster
d577ta · 27/03/2021 22:43

Hi, so basically he is not from the UK and doesn't have a dentist and hasn't been to a dentist for the five years I've known him. Furthermore he is suspicious of the dentist. He only brushes his teeth at night and not in the morning. He says that he cannot get a dentist now due to covid not that I've seen him try. He is also very slim and does not eat or drink often so the smell could be from the stomach. He doesn't smell like poop more like bad drains. He is very healthy with his diet so I feel like this problem really is a hygiene and dentist issue. I have suspicions that he doesn't use toothpaste but I faked and he said he does

OP posts:
Original poster
d577ta · 27/03/2021 22:48

I asked* thank you everyone for your responses. I've decided lot to kiss him until he goes to the dentist. I can't cope anymore with pretending that it's okay when it's so bad. He was sulking today and then started saying I'm not cooking and cleaning enough. So yeah this thread has really helped. It just made me think no I'm not going to keep pretending it's okay I can't do it. You know what I think is totally unfair if he got another woman I mean if we weren't together I bet he would brush his teeth properly. I think I deserve the same treatment as this future imaginary woman hah

OP posts:
GeidiPrimes · 27/03/2021 23:38

If all the other stuff doesn't bother you (his attitude, nagging and sulking - yuk) perhaps wear a perspex visor for shagging?

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