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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Partner has bad breath

48 replies

d577ta · 26/03/2021 21:37

Has anyone any ideas of what I should do in this situation. So my partner who I have a child and a mortgage with has bad breath. He has had it for three years and some hints of it before that but did not have this problem when we were dating. It's got to the point that when we are being intimate I'm desperately trying not to think about it and trying not to kiss too much. Obviously I can't leave this man I am totally in love with him. I've tried broaching the subject gently, buying lots of mouthwash, mentioning dentists and then just full on telling him. He says that I'm hurting his feelings and that I like hurting peoples feelings..I'm not sure who is right me or him. To me it's just an fixable thing so if someone tells you, you would sort it. To him maybe he has tried and is just not able to fix it (I noticed him brushing his teeth before sexy time, but honestly it was just worse yuck) so it's along the lines of me calling him fat or something. I don't know what to do now. I have to make this work he is the only man that I've ever had that is as good as he is. I love him totally. We get on completely. So is it a lifetime of trying to fight this feeling of repulse with the bad breath then. Has anyone got the foggiest what I can do. If he is unwilling to change and doesn't think there is a really any problem.

OP posts:

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 27/03/2021 23:43

Quite honestly I had to put up with my ex husbands disgusting breath for 18 years. It didn't stink when he bothered to attend the dental hygienist regularly and clean his teeth twice a day but he couldn't be bothered.
The car on long journeys was awful, sex was awful, his colleagues avoided him. I cannot understand it, why would you want to stink?
In the end I told him I couldn't have sex with him anymore because his breath was making me want to be sick and I went to sleep in the spare room. He left 6 months after that.
I doubt he will ever have another relationship if he doesn't do anything about the problem.
I can understand your pain OP but I can't understand why anyone would willingly go around with awful bad breath when they don't have to.

Mummygemma123 · 28/03/2021 00:00

Have you tried tic tacs?

me4real · 28/03/2021 00:04

He could join a dentist. He should think about your feelings, rather than his nerves.

His habits are disgusting. Bad drains- ewwww! How hard is it to do basic oral hygeine?

He was sulking today and then started saying I'm not cooking and cleaning enough.

He has wrong ideas about women and what we should do and puut up with.

Well done for not kissing him- keep going. If he turns nasty then be prepared to separate from him. I say that because the cleaning etc comment implies he expects women to act a certain way. Some arseholes would get stroppy if 'their' girlfriend doesn't kiss them, as they see women as a possession/servant.

Yep, if he was trying to impress someone he would make an efforrt.

me4real · 28/03/2021 00:08

I can't understand why anyone would willingly go around with awful bad breath when they don't have to.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky I was maybe a bit like it years ago before I got some of my mental health problems sorted out. But some people (usually men, let's face it) don't even have that excuse.

meagain2021 · 28/03/2021 00:14

Has he tried UltraDex mouth wash? Really good. Do it twice a day. Buy it from boots etc. Good luck

Kittykat93 · 28/03/2021 09:50

Only brushing at night is disgusting. Theres a reason people talk about 'morning breath'..I cannot imagine getting up in the morning and not brushing my teeth as part of getting ready. He must absolutely reek. It's a two minute job that most people manage..if he cant be arsed to do that then I'd honestly leave him. It's also very embarrassing if you ever socialise with others

Kittykat93 · 28/03/2021 09:51

And also it's fine people suggesting mints, mouthwash etc but if hes not brushing his teeth then that will be the main cause of the smell. He needs to at least start with that!

Bumblebee1980a · 28/03/2021 10:15

I remember noticing bad breath on my friend and it ended up being a twisted bowel.

EKGEMS · 28/03/2021 12:48

@Bumblebee1980a He could also have reflux or sinus drainage causing the odor

Bumblebee1980a · 28/03/2021 14:05

[quote EKGEMS]@Bumblebee1980a He could also have reflux or sinus drainage causing the odor [/quote]
I only ever noticed it on him the evening before he was rushed to A&E with a twisted bowel.

sadie9 · 28/03/2021 14:49

"He is also very slim and does not eat or drink often so the smell could be from the stomach."
Does he have an eating disorder? Therefore he could be dehydrated or his body keeps going into ketosis which means he'd get bad breath.
If the smell is worse if he hasn't had anything to eat or drink then that's your problem. His eating problems could have gotten worse since you met him.

AramintaLee · 28/03/2021 14:56

I would suggest purchasing a water flosser in the meantime. You can get a decent one off Amazon for less than £30. It's flossing made easy and I will never not use one now.

Kittykat93 · 28/03/2021 17:21

I dont agree with all the people saying it's likely a medical issue , eating disorder, bowel problems etc. The guy doesn't brush his teeth in the morning.. I know for a fact if I didn't brush my teeth after being asleep all night my breath would smell. It seems a no brainer to me. I mean yes of course underlying issues should be investigated but the first thing I'd be doing is saying brush your teeth!!! you dirty bastard

May17th · 28/03/2021 17:32

@Kittykat93 I’m literally LOL at your post. Seriously you are right everyone’s breath smells on a morning... I’m shocked at OPs laid back approach to it. Doesn’t your partner work? It’s not pleasant speaking to someone who has not brushed their teeth.

Where is he from that brushing teeth only occurs on a night?? I’m struggling to believe this post.... I have a few foreign friends but I have never came across this

Kittykat93 · 28/03/2021 17:43

[quote May17th]@Kittykat93 I’m literally LOL at your post. Seriously you are right everyone’s breath smells on a morning... I’m shocked at OPs laid back approach to it. Doesn’t your partner work? It’s not pleasant speaking to someone who has not brushed their teeth.

Where is he from that brushing teeth only occurs on a night?? I’m struggling to believe this post.... I have a few foreign friends but I have never came across this [/quote]
Thank you!!!! Glad I'm making sense to someone

Eckhart · 28/03/2021 17:48

He was sulking today and then started saying I'm not cooking and cleaning enough

Um... what is your relationship like generally? This looks like there's something more going on.

Is he respectful of your feelings? Do you feel heard in the relationship? Does he dismiss other problems you raise in the same way?

You cooking and cleaning has nothing to do with his bad breath at all. Why does he feel it's relevant to bring it into the conversation?

SweetcornFritter · 28/03/2021 18:24

My (STBXH) has had bb ever since I’ve known him (30 odd years). It gets worse when he is stressed. He’s scrupulous about brushing his teeth twice a day and does so for minutes at a time. Neither the doctore nor the dentist were able to say what causes it. He managed to control it with Therabreath Mouthwash which was very effective at masking or eliminating the problem. These days as we are separated he doesn’t bother and I don’t get close enough to him for it to bother me anymore but I couldn’t have lasted as long as I did if he hadn’t shown some willingness to address the problem.

Original poster

d577ta · 28/03/2021 22:03

@Kittykat93

This made me laugh. Yes I agree with you. I think this a no brainer this and not going to the dentist for five years. Also tho I think it is more noticeable if he didn't drink or eat for a while. Well I feel a bit rude to say to someone did you brush your teeth this morning. But he is working from home and just walking into the office. Yes I imagine other people do notice. The first time he met my father springs to mind I was a bit embarrassed to be honest.

There's a lot of random input on this thread I'm not causing him to have an eating disorder lol. The argument between us also probably comes across worse over the net. We are having a tough time at the moment due to having a little baby and adjusting to that. So we were arguing over him not doing enough or me not doing enough as it's hard to get housework done with a babba. I'm pretty sure it was post him being upset the night before but it is not the end of our relationship (I hope). He is a good one and I used to love kissing him hence why this is so bad. I feel like if we don't kiss anymore in the future it would ruin the relationship. I'm not sure what's wrong with him why he is getting so upset about it and not sorting it out. But today he told me that he had been emailing dentists all along but none are accepting new patients because of covid. We have a massive problem with a shortage of NHS dentists in our area. And he's going to pay private as soon as someone will see him. I don't think a clean will be classed as urgent so it may be a while yet. Urgh. Thanks for input everyone tho. Especially the water flosser I'd like one of those myself

OP posts:

me4real · 29/03/2021 02:13

@d577ta I'm having a routine check up in a couple of weeks- it sounds like they've been doing stuff for a fair while TBH, which I didn't realize. Then if the dentist says I need a scale and polish from the hygienist (I usually get one) I imagine I can get it as they have 'prescribed' it/said it's a need.

They also said they can discuss the bleaching I want to get done.

So it sounds like most things are going on pretty much as normal and have been for months for all dentists.

Sometimes people do have to travel further. Whatever he does, it's worth it not to stink and torture his girlfriend with his breath and to have a normal relationship.

Dentists are open for urgent and routine treatments. www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-body/dental-check-ups/

I think he might be lying to you about them not accepting new patients TBH.

FourDecades · 29/03/2021 04:50

No point in going to a dentist if he isn't going to actually clean his teeth properly!

Scottishskifun · 29/03/2021 05:10

Definitely worth the dental check as first level but if that doesn't solve it then suggest checking in with a Dr.

My DH had a smell for a few months no amount of teeth brushing would get rid of it and he couldn't smell it as it turned out he had huge nasal polyps which needed surgery to remove. They released a horrible smell like rotting meat. I badgered him til he went back to the Dr. Been fine for years now other than HD still can't really smell.

eeemmmoooooo · 29/03/2021 05:14

Definitely needs to floss!

Bestlife19 · 20/09/2022 22:00

Hi did this get sorted? I have the same issue v similar not always an issue but has been last 7 years. Really annoys me I’ve bought so many flosses etc etc for my husband & he doesn’t use them. I have told him & said worried about health etc. He’s been to dentist. Must remind him to go to doctor incase tummy. But it always comes down to me to remind etc. If he kisses me I offer my cheek. We haven’t had sex for 2 years since I decided I wouldn’t until sorted. Was exhausted and no sex drive so I was fine with it. Now suddenly my sex drive has gone crazy. Heard this can happen in your 40s. So annoying! Help! Other than this we get on great altho sadly feels like friendship not more. I do find him attractive although to be brutally honest he’s generally lazy with appearance. Has anyone managed to sort this?!

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