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Original poster

'Move home'

28 replies

Wannafly · 26/03/2021 15:42

Hey mumsnetters, regular poster here just name changed for a bit of advice. Feel like I'm in the jaws of doom atm. I'll try say it all so as not to drip feed.

I've been in my current city for a decade. I love the anonymity of city living. But, I've not really got anywhere. A series of dead end jobs and tbh if I look back over my time here, it hasn't really been good to me. I'm thinking to sell up and move.

I'm about 5 hours from my elderly parents atm and they have always been keen for me to move closer.
But I don't want to move back to my home town or surrounding areas. It would feel like... moving back to the person I was, having accomplished nothing.

However, there is a very, very small city nearby that might be a compromise and I did mention that I could possibly consider it short term. Whilst I figure out where else I want to go. But now they seem super excited and encouraging me to look at property to buy that way.

I know that if I move back, that'll probably be it for me. There, forever.

My dad is telling me that the job market is better there, less competition. But the thing is, here I don't care what I do, so long as it pays. There, I'd be worried I'd bump into someone I knew...

And realistically, I think I need to go back to uni/college. There's more choice for that here or in other large cities. Plus I dont think I'd want to join tinder ect in a location where all my old school...aquaintences...might be.

Tbh, i want to do some travelling. But with covid it looks like that might not be happening for a while.

And today - My dad has just hit me with the offer to buy me a place there because he worries that 'otherwise the money will just end up going on a care home for him or mum, should they take ill' And now instead of a possible choice...it is staring to feel like an obligation.

I really don't know what to do :/
I'm aware that my parents arent getting any younger too and as an only child, I may someday have to care for them. And perhaps dating back home would be easier as in smaller town living, ppl are less likely to be constantly looking for the 'bigger better' ?

Anyone else move back home-direction? Do you regret doing so?

OP posts:
Original poster
Wannafly · 26/03/2021 15:44

Oh and I'm 33

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 26/03/2021 15:46

How old are your parents?

Bonheurdupasse · 26/03/2021 15:47

Don’t do it.
You’d be limiting yourself.

Original poster
Wannafly · 26/03/2021 15:47

Late mid to late 70s.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 26/03/2021 15:48

I think you need to focus on what you want to do, first. You've been to university and it doesn't sound as though you have a real career plan sorted out.

If you went back to uni, what would you do? What are your interests?

Original poster
Wannafly · 26/03/2021 15:55

If I'm really honest with myself, I have no desire to go back to uni any time soon. But I would go back to college. There are a course or two of interest. Chances are I could also do them back home direction too though tbf.

I dont know about a career. I actually like being able to skip from one thing to the next. I like the freedom of it.

That being said I'm not getting any younger so maybe I should look for something more stable. If I found something I really enjoyed then it would be worthwhile. But I'm in no rush.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wannafly · 26/03/2021 16:02

But at the same time I get my dads words telling me that I've not really 'achieved anything' here. And he is right tbf. Besides that pointless uni degree lol. He doesn't mean it in a mean way btw, just saying it as it is.

I just dont know that moving back their way would change things. I mean I'd still be me but just more restricted :/

Though, I have a good friend back there. And I could get a wee garden, which I'd love. And I'd have my family nearby and it's,, well its a change...which I need. I'm just not sure its THE change that I need lol.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 26/03/2021 16:06

I think skipping from one job to another is fine in your 20s but it does catch up with you. I'm worried you'd end up in minimum wage jobs by your 40s.

HollowTalk · 26/03/2021 16:09

Could you think of work that you can do flexibly, so that you're working for yourself? Do you think you'd have the focus and work ethic to do that? With some jobs it wouldn't matter where you were in the world, so that would be perfect for you if you fancied living abroad for a while.

Original poster
Wannafly · 26/03/2021 16:12

@HollowTalk

Could you think of work that you can do flexibly, so that you're working for yourself? Do you think you'd have the focus and work ethic to do that? With some jobs it wouldn't matter where you were in the world, so that would be perfect for you if you fancied living abroad for a while.
Haha trust me that is a conversation that has been had a lot.
OP posts:
HollowTalk · 26/03/2021 16:13

And what was the conclusion?

HollowTalk · 26/03/2021 16:13

What sort of jobs have you been doing?

MrHannigansCat · 26/03/2021 16:16

I would worry that moving closer would mean you would be at their beck and call especially as an only child.

I would question your father's interpretation of "success" as you have been standing on your own two feet for a while now. I would look to move to where jobs are. If that is closer to your parents then do that but employment opportunities should be your priority not where your parents want you to be.

Original poster
Wannafly · 26/03/2021 16:17

@HollowTalk

And what was the conclusion?
There is something. But it's a bit too telling so I won't mention what it is here.

Not sure I have the confidence in myself to do it tbh. And often when I try I find I get carried away with ideas but don't have the follow through.

OP posts:
DuchessOfSausage · 26/03/2021 16:17

Why not move nearer, but not to same town?

Somewhere where you could have your own life, but be able to pop in to see your parents as often as you like?

Original poster
Wannafly · 26/03/2021 16:19

@HollowTalk

What sort of jobs have you been doing?
I've done everything over the years. Apart from the hospitality sector. I could probably get a card made up and play minimum wage bingo.
OP posts:
chrisrobin · 26/03/2021 16:20

I moved back to my home city after 18 years away, I regret it enormously. My folks are early seventies and very able but there is an expectation that now I'm in the city I won't move away (even though it was supposed to be a short term thing). I love them dearly and would feel guilty moving on even though we really do need to for DH's career. They seem to have gone back into 'parent with child at home' role even though I'm in my forties and we have our own house 5 miles away from them. They try to get me involved in their things- their volunteering (I do others but DM doesn't approve), their trips out, their clubs, their idea of what job I should do- somethings I don't mind but it is exhausting trying to say no as it's rarely taken as the right answer.

I hate bumping into people I went to school/ clubs with so I don't tend to go out much, though I have to see some of them at my childrens school. I do feel like I'm back to square 1 even though I'm not because it's too complicated to explain why we moved back.

Original poster
Wannafly · 26/03/2021 16:20

@DuchessOfSausage

Why not move nearer, but not to same town?

Somewhere where you could have your own life, but be able to pop in to see your parents as often as you like?

I would be moving to a city nearby. Not the same town. But still somewhere I grew up.
OP posts:
mindutopia · 26/03/2021 16:22

If I were you, I'd plan a way for the next year to work extra hard, save money, then next year when life is more normal, go off travelling. You only live once. You can always move there later in life if you really decide you'll love it (it doesn't sound like you feel like that right now). I was a bit younger than you, but I got fed up with life in the big city was I was living in, could also not bear to move back to where I grew up, was made redundant, didn't get into the course I had applied to. I up and took a job in Asia. I lived there, travelled loads, met dh, re-applied for programmes I wanted to do, and everything worked out great. In the years that followed, I got married, had 2 dc, did the postgraduate programme I'd planned, moved country again, and now I have a very well paid career that I love and live somewhere I really enjoy. Life is too short to be unhappy and you're so young still and there's so much you can do given you have lots of options. You can tell your parents to keep money in savings and if they want to help you with a deposit in a few years time, that would be great when you know better where you'll want to live.

HollowTalk · 26/03/2021 16:59

Honestly, I think you're making a huge mistake if you don't focus on work. You've had what, 12 years of messing around? It's not even a question of whether you still want to do that at 45, 55 etc. You will find it difficult to get jobs as you get older, as employers will go for younger people without such a checkered work history. Get yourself sorted out!

4amWitchingHour · 26/03/2021 17:14

What do you define success as @Wannafly? If moving from job to job is what you want, then carry on doing that! There's a lot of focus in your post about what other people think. Don't worry about them, focus on what YOU care about!

HollowTalk · 26/03/2021 17:25

But those jobs are not as available once you you're out of your 20s and have a very inconsistent work record.

Cavagirl · 26/03/2021 18:02

I think the question about whether to move "home" is muddying the waters.

You are unhappy where you're currently living, and are thinking of moving to pastures new - new life, build a career, etc.

Great. What makes you happy? What elements of your life do you like at the moment, what do you not like? When you've had a great day at work, what's made that great?

It sounds as if you have involved your parents a lot in your thinking and decision making process. I don't think this is very helpful, frankly, in situations such as this. Are there other friends you can brainstorm a bit with, instead of your parents?

Original poster
Wannafly · 26/03/2021 18:05

Yeah my worry is just that those jobs will go to younger people so I'll need to think of something else as I get older.

But I dont want want to 4 more years, especially to get stuck working 24/7 from then on.

I think I'd maybe be good at social work/hr or similar. But I would rather take a more... arty farty collegey course, see if it leads somewhere.

Sounds a bit flippant perhaps. But I've never been career driven. It isn't me and if I try to put myself in that box, I think I'd be miserable.

But then, I am a bit odd.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wannafly · 26/03/2021 18:06

*but I dont want to study for 4 more years

OP posts: