When does it progress from casual to something more

[Shaz786o]

11 months in with boyfriend, see each other once a week, no contact between except arranging to see each other. I feel quite lonely even more than when I was single. I have said to him are you after something long term and he says yes but it all feels a bit like Groundhog Day.

If you call each other boyfriend and girlfriend I’d be expecting a lot more contact than just arranging when to meet once a week irrespective of the length of time you’ve been together. I would be expecting more conversations through the week after almost a year though.

Can you not call him for a chat in the evenings? A message to say goodnight? Take the initiative if you haven't already, it should feel natural to do so, if he makes you feel unwanted or a burden then it's not much of a relationship.

Must be difficult to build a relationship with such minimal contact...
Sounds more like a weekly arrangement than something meaningful in the making unfortunately.
Are you both very busy or just not wanting to interact/meet up more often?

No just normal working hours. No kids, both late 40s.

Yes it seems to stay the same, not that I am wanting to rush into anything but am looking to be in a partnership n the future.

Yeah I've always had daily contact with any male that I'm intimate with. I get there's many different types of relationships. Perhaps some don't use phones as much as I do. Or work in a job where they can't really communicate easily. But I would want to hear from someone I loved daily. Even if it was a ten minute chat about your day. To me talking is a big part of bonding.

Yeah that’s what I’m used to. @Icantthinkofanewnameah

I agree with PP - actions speak louder than words and once a week 11 months in sounds inconsistent with a relationship which is going somewhere.

Yeah thanks everyone. What I thought really. Sometimes just need to air it.

My bf of 4 years and I, in our 50s, will often go two or three days without messaging, and even those messages are just a few one-liners; but that suits both of us just fine. We meet up twice a week - also what we both want, as we are both busy, and neither of us is looking to live with anyone any time soon. For us, this is a long-term relationship, of the kind we want. Have you been more specific to your bf about what you mean by a LTR? Asked if he wants to live with someone again?

Yes I said I was interested in living together with someone again and marrying if it’s right. He said maybe in a few years he might be ready for that. Il not in a rush but obviously I’ve heard that one before.

Even if he's being honest about that, then, it sounds like he wants to take it slower than you?

Seeing each other once a week would be fine for me but the no contact in between meeting after almost a year would bother me.

I dated a guy I only saw once a week but we talked every evening for at least an hour, with a little texting throughout the day. We were both very busy but we always made time to talk once we settled in for the evening.

Not hearing from someone for a whole week until meeting up would make me feel very lonely and like the other person was only interested in hanging out til he met someone he really wanted to be with.

Any shape or form of relationship is normal as long as its what you both want.
I hate living with partners, or have in the past, so despite being with mine 3 years, wanting to marry and be together, we still dont live together (im in my 30s so this would be classed as 'unusual') as that is what suits us for now.

What you really need to decide is exactly what shape of relationship would suit you and lay that out to him.
If he rejects the idea, you can walk away knowing clearly what happened and why.

If he says "yes" its easy and you have what you want.

Asking for more commitment sounds like asking for something to be warm. How warm exactly?! Men arent good at vague concepts, be specific on what you need, clear, and confident in asking.

Good luck!

I suppose it’s the lack of interest in between. I am either ignored or just call occasionally an ear if he needs it for him. I’m not lonely as I have other people to talk to friends family but I am struggling to feel close I suppose.

Sorry not sure where the call cam from.

I don't think I could talk to anyone for an hour a day on the phone!

I couldn’t do an hour but no contact 5 - 6 days at all and I’m struggling

Is he not enthusiastic at all?

Struggling to keep the intimacy that’s there never mind any more

On the day I suppose then it’s as if he needs a break from me!!

Haha this sounds bloody awful.

Doesn't sound like he's the one for you ... and pretty lacklustre all round. Onwards and upwards, huh?

Yes I think so.

It's the same as talking to someone face to face for an hour, don't people that live together come home and talk? same thing lol