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Original poster

To think I can't make this work now

67 replies

Anonymummy19 · 25/03/2021 18:37

Hi everyone,

I don't really know how to start this, but I've been married to my husband now 3 years this year, we have 1 little boy together.

I feel like as soon as we where married he changed over night, suddenly I was going to be this housewife who done everything for him, he expected me to want to try for another baby on our honeymoon, which I disagreed with, I want to make a good life for the child I already have and I didn't feel wee where in a position to have had another baby at that time. Anyway I've just noticed over the course of the past year things haven't been great, not that we have blazing arguments but I've just noticed he is all for himself really and we don't really communicate.

But anyway I've been on our shared tablet today and I've seen that he's been Googling that he's in love with his wife's friendConfused now I have one very close friend, childhood friend that I would spend a lot of time with, she knows everything about me. But we are opposites really, she's very confident, can be forward, dare I say outspoken, posts very provocative pictures on social media etc, but she's like my sister and has been there for me through everything. Back last year this friend started asking me to come on nights out with her and helped me put outfits etc together and if I'm honest made me feel good about myself again, but I don't think my husband liked this and he used to pass comment about my friend saying she was a bad influence etc. I never would have imagined he would be 'in love' with her. I just don't know how I can move past this or what I'm going to do now that I know this information. I feel lost and empty.

Sorry this was sort of rambly, my head is scattered at the minute.

OP posts:
Original poster
Anonymummy19 · 29/03/2021 18:00

@ThatchersCold

Oh OP. Just wanted to say you sound lovely and like you’ve got your head screwed on. You’re definitely doing the right thing in planning to separate. It will be hard, you will waver, he will minimise his behaviour and try to guilt trip you into staying together for the sake of DS. Stand strong.

FWIW, different circumstances but at 24 I had a one year old with a man much older than me, and I ended it. I was terrified of being a single mum and felt so guilty for DD. But I was so unhappy and being treated like shit really. Someone asked me when I was crying wondering what to do, what I was afraid of? By staying with him, I was guaranteed unhappiness, but by leaving I had the chance of happiness, so what was there to be afraid of, I should be excited not afraid! That really stuck with me.

You’ll be fine, you’ve got this.

@ThatchersCold

Thank youThanks I think if I didn't have my son to get up for I wouldn't have gotten out of bed this morning. He's been very good at talking what he done down all day. He's basically saying that because he hasn't physically cheated, we can be a happy family againHmm

My little boy is the one I feel sorry for in all this, I just don't know what is ahead of me and that's quite scary. But it's really reassuring to hear from you lovely ladies that have been through it and come out the other side happy!

Oh that hits home! I've been thinking all day like will I ever find anyone, but you're right. If I don't go I will never know, all I will know is an unhappy marriage. That's definitely something I will carry with me, thank you so much!

OP posts:
Original poster
Anonymummy19 · 29/03/2021 18:02

[quote thenewduchessofhastings]@Anonymummy19

That savings account he told your life insurance agent about;in the event of a divorce you're entitled to half of that.I wonder what else he's got stashed away behind your back?[/quote]
@thenewduchessofhastings

If push comes to shove I just want to be able to live in my Chalet with my little boy and as soon as I can get it paid for we sell it and spilt it. I just want to be able to settle in a nice home with my little boy. But maybe that's wishful thinking?

Well I also found emails with credit card statements on the tablet too, didn't even know he had one of them eitherConfused

OP posts:
Original poster
Anonymummy19 · 29/03/2021 18:08

[quote WickedWitchOfTheEast87]@Anonymummy19 you seem very sensible no matter how much of a mess it seems you're in now it won't last forever.

I also agree with @thenewduchessofhastings if he's stashed money away then god knows what else he's hidding.

What a shame he didn't hide his thing for hairy grannies as well I'm sure thats one thing you wish you hadn't discovered 🙄🤣[/quote]
@WickedWitchOfTheEast87

I'm just trying to plan it out in my head and take it from there. Dear knows it probably won't go to plan but sure we will have to start somewhere I suppose.

Well he's now admitted to the whole thinking he's in love with my friend thing but he hasn't been looking up affairsHmm Does he honestly think I came down with the last shower of rain? He only admitted to the friend thing because I sent him the photos, otherwise he was swearing blind he didn't do it.

Oh god, I can't get over that, if anything it's given me a laugh because we know lots of older women and I'm wondering now does he fantasise about them🙈😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Anonymummy19 · 29/03/2021 18:09

@SionnachGlic

I'm all for leaving it to him to explain...but only if he won't lie & say it is your fault & paint you as something ypu are not & he's a victim here ..
@SionnachGlic

That has also crossed my mind today. I actually work alongside his family in the evenings, so I'm wondering do I drop it into convo tonight that they will have a lodger very soon, or is it best just letting him land down and let him explain himself?

OP posts:
LivBa · 29/03/2021 18:31

@Anonymummy19 PLEASE DO NOT TAKE OUT ANY LIFE INSURANCE WITH THIS MAN. Very dangerous if he believes he could financially benefit from your death. If you've taken any insurance, cancel it immediately and let him know.

NaturalBlondeYeahRight · 29/03/2021 18:39

I would trust his family to take your side though, even if he is in the wrong. Families don’t tend to do that. Keep it nice and neutral with them.

Original poster
Anonymummy19 · 29/03/2021 21:35

So after some texts back and fourth today I asked him to leave, he was adamant that he was staying to make this work, but I told him I can't live like this, it's not fair on our little boy. He said he didn't want to go back home, because he doesn't want to tell his family that he's messed up. So he said he would sleep in his work vehicle, in front of our houseHmm I told him he could sleep in his work vehicle if he wanted, but in front of my house!

I've came home and he's standing crying telling me he's leaving to give me space, I feel sort of angry about it at the minute so I more or less growled at him and asked him why he's standing crying, he's not the one who's gotten hurt. Then he gets into his van and drives off. Now this is the problem, I'm worried that he'll do something stupid or get hurt or somethingConfused I'm too soft, aren't I?

OP posts:
Original poster
Anonymummy19 · 29/03/2021 21:39

@NaturalBlondeYeahRight

I would trust his family to take your side though, even if he is in the wrong. Families don’t tend to do that. Keep it nice and neutral with them.
@NaturalBlondeYeahRight

I couldn't bring myself to say anything, I just pretended like everything was ok, I shouldn't have to explain his actions. I'll let him do that, but I know he's going to play it down and make out like I'm being dramatic.

OP posts:
RachelRavenRoth · 29/03/2021 21:41

Now this is the problem, I'm worried that he'll do something stupid or get hurt or somethingconfused I'm too soft, aren't I?

Why would that even cross your mind as a possibility?

Original poster
Anonymummy19 · 29/03/2021 21:46

@RachelRavenRoth

Now this is the problem, I'm worried that he'll do something stupid or get hurt or somethingconfused I'm too soft, aren't I?

Why would that even cross your mind as a possibility?

@RachelRavenRoth

I don't know, I guess I just worry that he might do something out of stupidity or fear of people knowing what he's done, if you know what I mean? But then another way of looking at it is he knows I'm a worrier and he'll know I'll be sitting here worrying about him, thinking I'll text him to see if he's ok or to come back.

OP posts:
RachelRavenRoth · 29/03/2021 21:48

Dont. Ignore him.

SionnachGlic · 29/03/2021 22:13

Don't...if he is manipulating you then you are playing right into his hands...& he'll be back in the door before you know it. Hold firm, he caused it & must deal with the consequences. If you are really worried, contact his close friend or family member & let them know he is gone, you are not having him back in the house & wanted to alert as you don't know where he is. But that he can explain the situation himself.

Original poster
Anonymummy19 · 29/03/2021 22:30

@SionnachGlic

Don't...if he is manipulating you then you are playing right into his hands...& he'll be back in the door before you know it. Hold firm, he caused it & must deal with the consequences. If you are really worried, contact his close friend or family member & let them know he is gone, you are not having him back in the house & wanted to alert as you don't know where he is. But that he can explain the situation himself.
@SionnachGlic

I've resisted, he's text me to say that if I hear anything outside early in the morning it's because he's picking stuff up for work etc so I'm not panicking. At least I get the bed to myself tonight and I don't have to lie on the sofa!

OP posts:
SionnachGlic · 29/03/2021 23:08

Well done, put your phone on silent or turn it off in case he starts up again with the 'poor me' in the middle of the night & you get a good night's sleep.

Garlia · 30/03/2021 07:46

How are thing going OP?

Garlia · 30/03/2021 07:46

*things

LittleOwl153 · 30/03/2021 21:56

Did you get that money sorted @Anonymummy19

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