Sporty people dating non-sporty people?

[Anonanonon]

Just wondered if this happens much at all?

I've had someone basically make it known that they like me. On the one hand, I do feel the same - we don't know each other very well but we seem to click, chat easily, feel confortable together and make each other laugh.

My only niggle is they're very active quite sporty - for example, they're keen a snowboarder whilst the idea of throwing myself down a hill in the freezing cold doesn't appeal at all! I do enjoy exploring the outdoors but not in an adrenaline-inducing way like they do. I'm actually much more bookish and into writing novels, etc.

To be fair, I do know a couple of couples where the guy is into football or cycling, etc and the woman isn't. But not so much the other way around - can't think of a single sporty/active woman who isn't dating someone similar!

What do you think? Can it work? Any examples on these boards? Or would the lifestyle-incompatibility drive you apart in the end?

I don't think I'd worry about it, as long as there's an overlap and you have other things in common.

I know of many couples where this works. It's no different to pursuing other hobbies separately. I'd embrace the independence/me time!

I also know of a couple where this didn't work, but that was because the sporty person became obsessed (arguably to an unhealthy degree) and it consumed their life so much they didn't make time for their relationship.

I doubt your potential 'sporty partner' is thinking "oh goodness, Anon likes writing novels and I don't, are we compatible" (or perhaps they are, but I'm sure you'd reassure them in that case)?!

My Dad was a PE teacher. My mother wasn't at all sporty or competitive.

They were married for over 60 years. Yes, it can work.

My DH is much more competitive than I am. Provided that the sporty one leaves the other alone and doesn't try to make them into something they are not (and vice versa) then it absolutely can work.

I've been in this situation but take what I say with a pinch of salt. Like you, I'm a writer and not very sporty.

My last serious ex was sporty. A hobby he did most weekends to an obsessive degree. He was also up for climbing mountains and introduced me to his hobby which was exciting.

But in his friend group he was the only guy dating a non sporty woman! He actually cheated on me with someone in his sports club...

I personally would date someone sporty again as long as they weren't obsessive about the hobby. But I prefer a partner to be balanced anyway. It caused friction re types of holidays my ex and I wanted to take.

Any hobby that takes up most of someone’s time will probably be an issue if the other one doesn’t go along with them as you won’t see each other much.
But if it’s just a hobby that they do that leaves other free time, it shouldn’t matter. I don’t think you have to have similar hobbies, I think having similar morals and outlook on things are much more important.

I enjoy playing the banjo & the fiddle, I like fishing and mending things in my shed. I've never dated anyone thats had the same interests as me. I don't it matters unless your a couch potato and all you enjoy doing is watching telly. Opposites tend to attract anyway. You could always buy a little sledge and follow on behind her. You wouldn't be expected to do aerial 360's and backward somersaults

I am part of a running club while my husband enjoys painting Warhammer and coding.

I love reading but he reads 1 book over 3 years!

We do walk together at weekends but nothing too outrageous. 7 miles at a push.

Don't worry about it . It can work fine. I've never played any sport in my life - never . Not even as a child. My husband has played every sport known, and even as an older man he still referees, etc. It doesn't make a bit of difference - our relationship is unaffected !

I'm sportier than other half but we met through cycling and it's something we enjoy together. I think I'd struggle if he didn't like to do anything active. We do spend a lot of time watching tv too!

As someone said upthread, if it progresses then make sure you are on the same page when it comes to prioritising family over hobbies. The number of women left to bring up kids virtually alone because of golf/cycling/triathlon/PlayStation is depressing.

It depends on the level of the hobby. Whether it is interest or obsession. When I was young I went out with a skier. He lived and breathed it and eventually became an instructor but I wasn't interested and we grew apart. The more time the sport takes, the more important it is that you enjoy it together.

My advice to the OP is not to over think it at this stage, a guy she likes is interested, she's not committing to marriage at this stage and ruling out a potential partner due to different interests could lead to regrets later on around 'the one that got away'.

Both parties should enter relationship with open mind. I am the 'sporty outdoorsy' one and have a sporting hobby which my wife doesn't share. But we try and avoid pigeonholing each other - I've shared in some of her interests and she initiates outdoor activities herself at times.

I love my sporting hobby but it comes way down the list of priorities for me after quality time with wife and kids.

I know lots of couples where one is sporty in some way and the other isn't. Mostly the man who is sporty but not always.

I love to run but my partner doesn't. He walks a lot but mostly out of necessity as he doesn't have a car. I just don't bore him with my running and instead share that aspect of me with like minded friends.

I guess it would be different if he was completely sedentary as that wouldn't appeal to me at all. We always go out for walks when we are together.

It would also be different if one person's sporting hobbies took all their time up and left none for me/us.

As long as you have your own hobbies and interests to fill your time, it’s usually a non issue. Many sports and fitness activities can be quite time consuming and problems arise when one of you is very into spending time doing them and the other has an expectation of spending lots of time together and doesn’t really have any hobbies to fill time with when their partner isn’t available.

Depends by sporty you mean fitness or hobby? I think it would be difficult to spend time together if one partner is unfit and the other wants to do active things.

However if it's a hobby it can be done independently if one person is really into it and then you can do a light version together. My ex was an accomplished ski mountaineer and even though I am a reasonable skier I wouldn't go with him, but we could still do ski trips together. If I didn't like sliding downhill with sticks attached to my feet, it wouldn't have worked.

I think it depends on the sport. A couple of hours here and there is not going to impact a relationship in the same way as something more time consuming.

My exH played cricket so out at 9.30am , home at 10.30pm all weekend every weekend from April to end September including all Bank Holidays. No holidays allowed. Nets and practice every Sunday in the winter plus commitee meetings, dinners and tours abroad. But then he had issues and spent every other spare minute out of the house, away from us. Worked away from home three nights a week.

Current partner plays sport one evening a week and follows another on TV couple of hours on the weekend during the season. Vast difference.

It would be boring if everyone liked the same things! My DH rarely leaves the house but I’m always out. It’s fine as long as you respect each other’s choices

We have kind of met in the middle. DH is a lot more active than he used to be before we met - he now runs more often than I do post-DC. I do a lot of stuff alone, which gives me a bit of me-time, or with DC - we swim together, DS goes for a bike ride and I run alongside, when he was a baby I took him hiking all over in the sling, by myself.

DH just doesn’t come on my ski holidays, I go on my own or with my friends/family. He gets a child-free week, DC get 100% mummy time, I get snow. All happy.

As the sportier DW, I can imagine that if I was married to a sporty DH, I’d be the one expected to stop doing my sport to facilitate their activities post-DC - that seems to be what has happened with my friends. So I am more than happy to have DH.

@AnaViaSalamanca

Depends by sporty you mean fitness or hobby? I think it would be difficult to spend time together if one partner is unfit and the other wants to do active things.

However if it's a hobby it can be done independently if one person is really into it and then you can do a light version together. My ex was an accomplished ski mountaineer and even though I am a reasonable skier I wouldn't go with him, but we could still do ski trips together. If I didn't like sliding downhill with sticks attached to my feet, it wouldn't have worked.

Exactly this. I used to be a sports coach and a semi-professional in my field. DH tired to get on board but it's just not his cup of tea. Any sports really. So it's still my hobby, do it on evenings / weekends, mainly just when I have time now, but doesn't actually have an impact on our relationship whatsoever, apart form me annoying him with "let me train / teach you" from time to time. He used to come with me to annual events for the free drinks 😂

As with others, it depends more on whether the non sporty person is happy with the other partner taking time out to do their hobby. In my relationship I'm the sporty one, DH is very introverted and spends his evenings painting miniatures or playing videogames. I remember asking him once if he minded me going out four nights a week to my classes, he looked very puzzled

Active hobbies can cause resentment if kids are involved (unless the kids join the sport) as there's obviously a lot of time and money that goes into them.

I am much more active than Dh but I have more free time and better health.
I cycle, mountain bike, scuba dive and wild camp ( and everything involved with that- mountain hiking, night nav etc)

DH comes on walks with me now and again. We've lasted 30 odd years!

Ds plays cricket mountain bikes, plays field hockey, runs and swims. His girlfriend drinks cocktails and likes spa days wuth her friends!! They are good tige6and both seem happy. She sees her friends while he dies his thing.

Yes it works fine for me! I'm a super keen runner and DH is not into stuff like that. I work part time though so I do try not to spend too much time running at the weekends (unless it's a race or a particular event). I'm lucky that I usually have time to run on weekdays so it doesn't take up too much family time. Overall it works well, even during times like marathon training I don't think DH minds too much (hope not)! I definitely wouldn't be put off someone with different interests!

I am a hill runner so always happiest outside running and commit quite a lot of time to training but my ex partner who I’ve recently separated from isn’t into any kinds of sports or hobby.
I don’t think it would have been such a big issue if he had had any hobby of his own, not necessarily sport, but he is always really resentful of the time I spend running and because he has no interests expects me to be in charge of keeping him entertained so I would say that it has played a part in us separating.
I would choose running over almost anything though so there wasn’t much room for compromise on that particular situation.

I think that it can work but the non-sporty person does need to have their own hobby and own friendship groups because likely the sporty one will want to spend time on their sport / with their club.
the biggest issue i can foresee is holidays - if you are not going to want to do a snowsports holiday are you going to be ok if he goes without you?

My boyfriend loves sports - football, golf, cricket. Whereas I hate sports! I'm couldn't be less sporty or less active actually in general. It works fine for us - he doesn't expect me to participate in any sport and it gives us time to pursue our own hobbies. You can't do everything together in a relationship.

However my ex-boyfriend was very "outdoorsy", always wanted to be climbing mountains or at least going on a walk every day. He would always push me to go on a big walk with him and then he would spend the whole time walking about 10m in front of me. Not very fun. In the end having such different interests definitely contributed to the end of the relationship.

I don't think that should put you off entering into a relationship with this person though. Just as long as he respects your own interests it should be fine!

Also I should add that my DDad has always been very outdoorsy and active and my DMum hates the outdoors! They are still very happily married and approaching their 40th wedding anniversary