No birthday present two years running

[MarlowesSister]

Perhaps this is an AIBU but here I am.
I had a big birthday last year at the start of lock down. My DH and teenage children and 7year old didn't get me a gift "too difficult" with lock down. (Incidentally my parents also didn't send me anything, neither did my best friend, my sister sent me something the following day). The only present I opened was the one my colleague from work got me - I lovely personalised mug that lasted one day before my husband smashed it (unintentionally) the following day. I didn't ever get a present from my DH or children. Or my parents come to think about it. My best friend sent me a jokey present in September.
I spoke to my DH at the time and afterwards and said I was pretty upset by not having anything.
This year I opened my presents which were two things. One from my Mum that I had specifically asked for, and one from my sister. My DH and kids around me... I said "is there anything from you all?". And got a jokey reply that it hadn't arrived yet. So for the second year in a row I had no present from my DH/kids.
I simply went upstairs and cried for the whole morning. The kids were busy so didn't notice and DH went to work for the morning.
I spoke to DH in the evening to say how incredibly hurt I was. How even if the present hadn't come, he must have known that by the Friday morning,and yet he didn't bother to get some sort of emergency present or IOU note or nicely written out poem or just anything I could unwrap.
My Mum rang me for my birthday and spent twenty minutes telling me about her stress and how she was self harming.
I still haven't had any kind of gift AT ALL.
Ultimately, it's me that's a mug isn't it. I just feel so utterly lonely I think it is.

I've a feeling you are just too nice (read wet) to stop pandering to your family.

Alternatively could you have a family talk, where you tell them they can pick a date the next couple of weeks to do a proper celebration for your last several birthdays. If they still cba it should give you the anger and hurt not to celebrate them.

But op, don't set yourself up for martyrdom.

When its his birthday buy yourself something instead - selfish git

I totally understand that you are very upset...
However, it looks like they all should be organised rather than just told you are hurt. tell your family that you will be celebrating your birthday on particular day and they should be ready! Tell them you expect flowers and champagne from them plus nice cards...and celebrate!

Absolutely don't get him anything for his birthday! Or remind/facilitate the children, or acknowledge it in any way. He wants zero effort - let him have it. Take the money you would have spent and buy something nice for yourself or take yourself out to lunch with the friend who did remember you.

Awful behaviour.

I would mirror it for each of them.

It makes me sad to read on here how often women are so poorly treated and just put up with it.

We teach people how to treat us.

The only person who can change this dynamic is you.

Being a mug is not a good example to children.

My children don't give me particularly imaginative gifts. Usually chocolates, candles etc.
But the idea that they would not bother their arses is so awful.

If you can't be thoughtful towards the people you live with, particularly a mother who most likely does a lot for you, then exactly who will they ever zhow appreciation for.

I would down tools and be a lot less giving.

They sound awful.
Your husband sounds awful.

Good men bother to remember their wives birthdays.

Absolutely no excuse.

So sorry.
Happy birthday.

If he doesn't bother with birthdays why should you?

OP you have to kick up a MASSIVE fuss about this. Your family are treating you as less important than anyone else and that is not acceptable - in particular, it's not acceptable for your children to learn this behaviour, unless they are toddlers they should also have done something for your birthday. Tell your husband, children and extended family that they have hurt you and pissed you off, that they must apologise and make good, and that if they fail to do so there will be consequences: you will withdraw from them to concentrate on yourself exclusively, and they will have to deal with that (I don't know what you do for them, as opposed to for you, right now, but you just stop it). Throw your toys out of the pram, big time.

I'm livid for you. Happy birthday

Happy belated birthday

That's shit. No excuse. Shit.

Absolutely do not get anything for his birthday. He has to learn how shit it is to be ignored.

I don't know exactly how old your dc are but I would also have a word with them. Mine are younger and are probably more excited than me about giving me presents.

Your post made me very sad. You sound unloved and unappreciated.

Your comment about your mum offloading onto you about her self harming also stuck out. That must be extremely stressful. Do you have anyone to talk to and rely on?

I would also book a weekend/night/trip away somewhere you've always wanted to go as a present to yourself.

If money was tight & there was food in the house

It would not have cost anything for breakfast in bed
Or a poem
Or a drawing

I understand that some people don't make cards in the digital age

£1 for a bar of chocolate

Some supermarkets have been selling daffodils for less than £1

It is the sheer lack of thought, the lack of effort !

Well, there is no excuse for your DH and the teenage children and your 7-year old is quite unkind too. Something, anything would have shown a bit of love and care. As others said, they could have drawn something, picked flowers in a field, baked a cake, etc. I would not get any of them a present this year. And I mean the entire year!

You can solve this by forgetting every single occasion for everyone this year.

You get what you put in.

This is not a poor men’s can’t manage to remember or to put it as yearly date in their mobile phones.

This is a shit people in your life who don’t care thing.

Don’t remember anyone’s birthday. If asked say oooh isn’t this how we celebrate birthdays? How you celebrated mine TWICE?

I wouldn’t be remotely upset about reciprocating the same effort they’ve put in.

@MarlowesSister

The thing is, he already knew how i felt from last year. It wasn't like I sat back and silently seethed for a year, I was crystal clear in telling him how hurt I was. He forgot/ "didn't have time" before we had kids too and I told him then. There is something about me, I am the common denominator here. Invisibility perhaps.

Forget his landmark birthday. Not out of revenge but just to make him wake up and take note.