So long story short i'm 39 and W 39 comes to me and said we needed time apart and she needed space, I was dumbfounded never saw it coming, so she moved out to live with our son and about a day or two later she calls and says its over that she has feelings for someone else and that's that, no discussion nothing.
I spiral and have no idea what to do so try and convince her things can be better if we work at it etc etc. She starts justifying her actions by telling me its all my fault, I am stunned by the stuff she is saying and doing as she takes absolutely no responsibility for herself. Turns out she had been texting a co-worker as "friends" for months unbeknown to me and they'd developed feelings for each other (he is 55). Problem is from the get go I run with its all my fault and that i'd caused all of this and the break up of my family so I set to try and make things right. I look back now that some time has passed I have realised that the problems we had where NEVER that bad and certainly didn't justify existing the marriage this way and hurting me like this. Yes there where things that could have been better and I know I could have been better (then again so could she) but I am honestly talking normal practical stuff that comes up like money, working too much etc. If she had sat me down and told me how unhappy she was I'd have set to work and we could have sorted things together as the team I thought we where. I thought we where soulmates and that we where on the same page.
Anyway over the next year I basically work myself crazy to try and make our marriage a better place to be if she wants it and even if she doesn't I know we'd both be in a better position financially amongst other things.
She bounced back between myself and OM over the year and at one point they get a flat together (he lives with his daughter) and she starts texting me asking to come back saying shes made a stupid mistake and she loves me etc so of course I love the woman and I agree as I think perhaps she now knows the grass is not greener, she initially its resistant to just leave him though (crazy right should have been red flag right there) but things are strained between them for whatever reason (no idea) and she wants back right away so while he's out I help pack up her stuff into my van and bring her home, I told her before hand this wasn't right that she should tell him the truth and that she was going to give our marriage the best chance (I know right why should I care but heh). After she comes back its all good and shes all over me and then pulls back but I later come to find out ALL the times shes come back to me she ended up texting him again and at one point is shagging him again while I think we where trying to reconcile.
Around Sept she ends it with me again (course she does cause she is still seeing and sleeping with him behind my back!) and starts seeing him openly using our house her base. I get to the point in January where I've had enough and I can't take it and me and my adult son some move out and I tell her she can have the house and she plans to move the O/M in. About a month later she starts texts again (you know where this is going right?) to say she doesn't want to move him in and is sorry for what's she's done and that we should at least try again and I like a fucking idiot agree and so we start working on it again and everything seems good for a month and agree I should move back in but about a week before I move in (at this point I've kitted out a whole flat) she changes her mind and says she doesn't want the house and wants me to take it over that she will live with her Dad until she finds somewhere new, a couple of days before I move back shes decided she just going to stay in the home until she gets somewhere and at this point i'm already in the process of moving back in.
So here I am again moved back in and shes using the house as a base to see the OM and conduct this new relationship and its fucking hell (this is a joint mortgage so I can't just tell her to leave). She also doesn't seem to be in a hurry to get her own place and won't move in with her Dad who BTW does have room, what's pissing me right off is she is going about life like everything is normal as though she has done nothing wrong and that she has been honourable (she says she never had an affair). At one point in the last couple of weeks she is saying she started saying she doesn't know what she wants and then swings back the other way (she is all over the place) but still seeing the OM. Not sure why I am even posting to be honest don't have anyone I can talk to really.
Honestly I do still feel love for this woman (crazy right?) but I can feel it dying and more of me wants her gone than for her to stay, more of me feels less forgiven. She knows I love her I have told her, my actions have told her but she also knows this is killing me but it doesn't seem to matter.
Anyone been through anything like this?