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Original poster

My boyfriend and my weight

40 replies

Chloe102 · 19/03/2021 23:53

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, me (22F and him 23M) I love him so so much and we do have a good laugh together and we are happy. However sometimes he makes comments about my weight, for example I just had my dinner and went to the cupboard to get the cats food and he heard the rustle and made a comment saying ‘eating more food are you?’ Most of the times he’s had a bit of a drink and makes these sort of comments but it really upsets me. After about 5/10 minutes he comes and apologises after seeing I’m upset (even though I try to hide it) and he says it was only a joke or sarcasm but I don’t feel like it is sarcasm or a joke, in my head it makes me think well is that what he really thinks about me then? In the morning he will of probably forgotten what he’s said but I can’t forgot, I constantly think about it.

I don’t take my clothes of in front of him anymore and we rarely have sex because I don’t feel comfortable. I sometimes see him look at my belly and think to myself, what is he thinking? I know I’m over weight and I’m trying to loose the weight. It’s upsetting me that we don’t have sex as often as we used to either, he is always trying snd I always turn him down because I feel rubbish about myself, I don’t feel sexy at all. At the start of our relationship we had such a good sex life etc so now I worry.

I really don’t know what to do, I can’t keep crying myself to sleep over these comments but I love him and I don’t want to loose him. I really don’t think he means anything bad by it but it really hurts.

OP posts:
Feelingconfusedtonight · 19/03/2021 23:58

The fact that he makes these comments “apologies” then nothing changes is a big red flag 🚩
His behaviour will not improve and may in fact get worse over time. If you get pregnant how will he behave when your body changes throughout your pregnancy? It’s far harder to walk away once DC are involved.

PickAChew · 20/03/2021 00:02

He's rude.
You're young.
You can do much better.

Clymene · 20/03/2021 00:10

Dump him. He will suck away your self esteem. You deserve so much better

Workinghardeveryday · 20/03/2021 00:13

No wonder you feel uncomfortable taking your clothes off in front of him! Who wouldn’t after his back handed digs!!

He doesn’t deserve you. Personally I would calmly ask him to be honest if my weight was bothering him. If it was a yes I would know there snd then I could do so much better.

What are his faults? Overweight? Big nose? Minging feet? Would any of these things make you feel it okay to make any sort of comment to him? - no because you see above those. Some men can be very shallow as lovely as they can be.....

HollowTalk · 20/03/2021 00:16

You deserve so much more than this. Treat him like a starter relationship and move on. I bet your self esteem will rocket without him.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 20/03/2021 00:21

It's not a joke if the target of the punchline finds it upsetting rather than amusing. It's bullying.

He sounds immature and unkind.

You sound young (not an insult - you are!) and insecure due to his ongoing comments.

You both have so much growing to do and you don't need to do it as a couple. You were so young when you got together and it's very rare that a couple who meet so young will grow at the same rate, happily, long term. It happens of course sometimes but it's a bloody big ask.

Be single, learn about yourself, enjoy yourself, build your confidence, have some fun with friends / family / dates and THEN think about a serious relationship again as you'll know yourself so much better!

Silenceisgolden20 · 20/03/2021 00:32

He's negging
Why are you afraid to lose him? A bloke that takes the piss out of your weight?

He knows exactly what he's doing. No decent guy ever does this.
Dump the twat. He's keeping your self esteem at rock bottom for a purpose. So you know your place.
Don't be afraid to show him you can be fine without him in your life

AnaisNun · 20/03/2021 00:44

Bin him.

You shouldn’t feel like you can’t reach into a fucking cupboard at home for gods sake.

FaceyRomford · 20/03/2021 01:14

Get rid.

CityCommuter · 20/03/2021 01:24

@Chloe102 you need to ask yourself if you want to keep a prick like him in your life... all he does is belittle you and makes you feel down about yourself...

Not that it's relevant but are you actually over weight or has he just convinced / made you believe that you are?

Shoxfordian · 20/03/2021 06:59

Dump him and quickly lose 14 useless stone

Loracina · 20/03/2021 07:20

I know it is hard listening to strangers advices but please please do not stay in this relationship. I feel so strongly about this as my husband made me feel awful about myself for years and I now hate my body and myself and I'm working really hard to get past that. It got worse after DC and after years of being made to feel not good enough I'm finally leaving.

You are sooo young! You have your whole life ahead and you need to feel sexy, empowered, happy with yourself.

Please don't make the same mistakes I did; trying to justify their behaviour to stay in the relationship. I deeply regret that now.

I know it is hard but you deserve better! x

Ivebeeninlockdowntoolong · 20/03/2021 07:24

I've been there in the 20s too. Some bloke making snidy comments about my weight - if I knew what I know now I would have dumped him straight away. Please listen to the advice on here, it's not going to get any better.

ellenpartridge · 20/03/2021 07:25

Dump. If he keeps doing this, "apologising" and then doing it again he doesn't really care that he's upsetting you. You can do better.

sticktomygun · 20/03/2021 07:29

You're in your 20s and you should feel top of your game not being too scared to take your clothes off.

You've already sunk 3 years into this, just get out now.

Plenty of other men out there that won't put you down.

Treacletoots · 20/03/2021 07:45

Read up on Google about 'sunk costs fallacy'

His comments about your body are designed to make you feel bad, ask yourself why someone who supposedly loved you, would do that? (They wouldn't BTW)

You can tell him to stop it, but he won't, because ultimately he doesn't care about your feelings. Think about that.

You are so young, don't think this is the best you can ever get. There is so much out there, you don't have to put up with an abusive twat who negs you, and.. DOESN'T CARE how much it upsets you. He won't change. They never do. It's only going to go one way.

DinosaurDiana · 20/03/2021 07:51

I agree that it won’t get better.
He is pro making you feel insecure about yourself so that you think no one else will want you, so you’ll stay with him.
He is manipulating you. Please leave and live your best life. This isn’t it.

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 20/03/2021 07:57

Have you told him clearly and directly that his comments have undermined how you feel about your body and because you feel rubbish you don’t feel comfortable with taking your clothes off and having sex? Have you calmly joined the dots for him so that he can see that his behaviour has an effect? And he doesn’t get to decide he can throw nasty ‘jokes’ around?

Pokske · 20/03/2021 08:01

If it's a joke, as he says... Does it make you laugh ? NO. So why does he make the same joke over and over again ?
Because he feels inferior and needs a thing or two to belittle you, to take you to his own level.
Tell him you do not EVER want to hear his "joke" again, and that he v-can go a "joke" elsewhere.
It's a game of manipulation and degradation. Do not accept it !
Good lUck.

user20211 · 20/03/2021 08:16

Tbh, I say the same kind of thing to my DH Blush He's overweight (never used to be) and I hate it. I want him to be mindful of what he's putting in his mouth so I will comment when he's rustling around for crap in the cupboards at midnight.

I don't say these things to hurt him, I say these things because I love him and want him to be healthy. I also know he doesn't like being overweight.

Just trying to add another perspective on here!

Shortiemyboo · 20/03/2021 08:21

Ditch ... he is so out of order, no wonder you don’t feel like having sex with him. You are perfect the way you are.

QueenofStella · 20/03/2021 08:33

Love, I can suggest a way to lose about 12 stone straightaway- by dumping his stupid sorry arse.....

....you are worth so much more. Much love to you x

AttilaTheMeerkat · 20/03/2021 08:39

Don't sink any more time into this man; he's had three years of your life already.

Ditch the heavy millstone around your neck in the shape of this man. He just wants to drag you down with him by negging you.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 20/03/2021 08:44

user20211

What you have not considered here re your H is that people eat for many reasons and not just because they are hungry. If you really do want to help your H you would lay off making such comments altogether and support him with he seeking help for his eating habits if he so chooses.

Dery · 20/03/2021 09:00

@Chloe102 - you say you and your BF are happy but then you go on to say you hardly have sex and you no longer feel able to have sex with him. It sounds like you’re trying to persuade yourself you’re happy when you’re not.

You’re both still very young. Your late teens and 20s are the perfect time for finding out what works for you in relationships. This is not working for you. A relationship should support and uplift you not drag you down.

It’s okay for you to end this relationship and move on.